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Funny thing about perspective… it comes from the strangest places.

I wrote something last week and I spoke about knowing the full story before you speak… I find myself in discussions that I know little about. I suppose I didn’t really understand what I was saying until I took a look at myself, maybe a little detail and some residual self-image.

Maybe it’s just what is expected of me or the way I carry myself, but my opinion is expected to be voiced at any and all times. In some particular topics, I don’t have one. I’m sorry… I’m trying, but I may not up-to-date or whatever it may be. I suppose it’s a fault of being human, probably something that is nearing the status of hatred in my book, but sometimes I don’t have an opinion. But now, here’s the killer…

I voice anyway…

sucks…

doesn’t it?

Now, you’re probably thinking, “just don’t, and it’ll be fine.” Oh, but I have to keep this up. When a teacher asks you a question, is the appropriate answer “I don’t know?” Have you ever really tried it? I never have, but quite frankly, all they want you to do is at least try. Now, I’m not saying what they want you should do, but c’mon… you’d try right? So when your peers ask your opinion and all eyes on you here, would you be satisfied with “I don’t know?” After some long speech about how much your significant other loves you and they count the ways, what would you do? “Yeah, I love you too”… hmmm… I don’t think that’s gonna be enough. Maybe that’s just me here, but I suppose one should respond something with a bit more substance… but maybe that’s just me.

I know a couple of little fishes that don’t have a problem with not saying anything. They’re just swimming along and taking it all in, no doubt keeping it in their bottomless pit of knowledge and experience. I suppose some would describe them as passive, but it’s what they don’t say, that’s what people should be worried about. [Maybe I’m not wrong in speaking when it’s needed, and they’re guilty of saying nothing when something needs to be said.] Its okay, their slightly prone to exaggeration, if that doesn’t balance it out some. I think this admiration that I’m detailing is with a dash of jealousy. If I could be more internal, it would keep me out of many difficult situations. I suppose it’s my wicked tongue that gets me into trouble. This hunter should learn to shoulder his firearm… or grab a big net and go on a little trip. No… but seriously, every now and again, I have to pocket my blade and leave it holstered.

It’s bad to toast with water, and alcohol doesn’t do too well for you anyways, but cheers…

to speaking when it’s appropriate.

Moment of Clarity

This isn’t an introduction from me; it’s not needed because I am who I am. Although, I believe an apology is in order. I’m sorry for not speaking what was in my head so that others my hear it. I apologize for that possible bit of knowledge that may have helped you and wasn’t there when you searched here because you may have thought I would’ve provided it; I will not try, but I will do better next time. I appreciate those that have read what I have written thus far and hope I will gain more audience as the time line is written.

Since my last post I have been searching, simply searching for the answers I may not be ready to handle. During rehabilitation, alcoholics experience a phenomenon referred to as a “moment of clarity.” A moment in which they see the picture in it’s entirely. The truth, and the grand scheme of all things. It is usually the realization of something that affects all aspects of their life, it usually causes them to change their ways and straighten their wavy path. They gain a sense of clarity and thank those that have given them so much. Some credit this to family, others to their friends, and some to God.

From the last posts, a series of events have happened. Those of which, the outcome [which is most important] is displayed here. Some say it is only the journey that matters, but I’d argue it is the journey of life that matters. How is this different? I solemnly believe life can be seen as one whole journey with one end, but also can be seen as many series of events with many conclusions to journeys and an ultimate end. Since the last time we met, I've reached the end of a series. A semester was completed, a year had ended, a birthday had passed, along with countless other things and what have I learned?

Every now and again, one must look from the outside of one’s self to see the whole picture.

Riding through life behind the steering wheel, one can only concentrate on what is in front. Seeing the world from a different perspective can result in a clearer understanding of surroundings. There are pilots and there are passengers, the world is different depending on view from one’s seat.

Now what if you were neither of those; perhaps a third party, the observer, so to speak. What is the view like then? I believe there is much benefit from this perspective. I am allowed to see myself, the people around me, and my environment and from that choose what I believe is the best path or way to proceed. If you agree, then the ultimate question is… how does one generate this view?

What are the questions that needed to be asked? What is the cognitive thought-process that needs to happen? How do we synthetically generate a moment in which we are able to see the truth and how it fits with the whole picture? Is it possible to make a moment of clarity? And if so, how?

Sometimes the answer isn’t where you’d expect it to be, it may not even been where you hoped it would be… sometimes you’ve known the answer all along, but it took something from outside to point it out to you.

Tipping on pre-cognition (...negative?)

So I presented my font (for Architecture), by the way... that's what we're working on, and I must say it was just satisfactory. Apparently (after talking to a few classmates), I came off as defensive and not taking well to criticism. I guess my only real rebuttal would be that I already knew the flaws in my work and I had an explanation for it. For example, I didn't like the material I was using and how it was reacting to my marking utensil. When someone said something about my work, I had already pre-thought an answer to how I would answer such a question. At the end of the class... I said something that was very "bold" to say, I said "you can't tell me something that I already thought of." Yeah... that didn't go over well. But realistically, I did see the flaws in my work and I pre-thought my answer to the question. Isn't that what they tell you to prepare for? Me, and my analytical ass, apparently went a little overboard. But really, nothing was said that I didn't think of last night as I was doing it or as I was looking it over. And plus, I stand by the design of my font and will defend it until the end or else I'd scrap the whole design unless it can be improved upon-then there is an exception. I'm always willing to see a different view, and I do believe I am open to criticism. Perhaps someone's view of the world or something as simple as why they prefer something over another. If something is shown to me that I didn't notice before, I'm hungry for it. Like the saying goes... "Hungry for knowledge, here it is... EAT IT!" I guess I do that many times with other things, for example in a normal conversation let's say that someone says "hey what are you up to," I may answer with "oh just hanging about... about to do some work... pretty much in architecture... but after that I'm free to do something if you wanna." Hopefully you can see the questions that would fit in between my words (what are you doing later? what kind of work? when you gonna be done with that?). But it's like I thought the conversation out and gave the final point all in one verse. I guess when I conduct a conversation and its meaningful (or going to be used beyond today's date) I slow down. Like if I was talking about Philosophy... I’d slow down the process and let those expected questions be asked. But if the conversation is about shallow topics or gossip I just skip of the wasted breath. Maybe that's why I don't conversate well with some certain individuals... Something to think about later on. "I believe I see things 10 steps ahead of the average."

This kinda goes to the comment that was mentioned by b. I believe that I am the hardest on myself because I am my own worst enemy. It brings me to the point of hating the fact that I am human (automatically, I'm flawed). I would love to be essentially perfect, but the fact that I don't know something or about a certain subject tears me apart. And really there can't be two perfect beings (given that God exists and God is perfect, well get into that some other day) because that might throw off the balance in the universe. But remember what Descartes says, even if you can't be perfect you can always try. Even though he sees the world as perfect... why then would you encourage to be better, wouldn't that throw off the balance. I would say that Descartes believed that only a few would listen and therefore it would balance out. If some were deliberately bad vs. those that were trying to achieve better, then it would remain balanced. Alright off of that tangent, back to the question from b. Yeah, by choice I prefer to be my own worst enemy. No one thinks less of me, more than I think less of myself. I would rather have it; I hate myself more than someone else hates me. That makes sense to you out there in cyberspace?

Anyways y'all... I'm gettin' kinda hungry so Imma eat and I'll probably be back posting later tonight... possibly-No promises though, I only promise what I can manage.