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4.24.2006

If you didn't get it the first time

It’s a double edged-sword trait with expectations… sometimes we intend to do something or have something go a certain way, and it does… but something else overshadows it. This weekend was the last of my circle of friend’s birthdays. We’re all finally 21, congrats to everyone…we made it this far. But, it was marred by a tragedy. [If you want to know what happened, just ask… but I must warn you, the Devil is in the details.] In the end… we celebrated life, as best we could.

There’s something about “should’ve, could’ve, and would’ve,” this loss opportunity, it always seems to bring a dark shade. The prospect of achieving something great is a wonderful feeling; when it’s not fulfilled, its poison. And yes, there can be this mentality of “oh, I’ll do it better next time”—to that I say—what if there isn’t a next time? What then? Many times opportunities are only here for an instant, and often they are only one chance [first impressions are an example of this]. There’s no cure for this poison after it has already spread through the veins; it’s a possibility that over time the poison is lessened, but it will never entirely leave. What “should’ve, could’ve, and would’ve” been, will never be—nothing can change the past, it is already written. The future is a tale yet to be told. This opportunity is something that we should never let go. How many times must we be told something before we finally listen?

I’m learning… I’m trying to teach what is being taught to me [and what I've already learned]. And although I don’t know it all, I know it is being taught because it is a valuable lesson and learned some way or another. I won’t force these ideas; I say that in life, I choose to listen…and then teach what I've learned.

Snatch every opportunity, live life to fullest [not stupid, remember it makes no sense to live fast, just to die slow.] Chess moves, not checkers.

To the two sons that won’t be coming home to their mothers: peace.
To the family that sits by the hospital bedside: family is what it is all about.
To the rest of us that remain: learn something from these individuals, never let an opportunity slip away.

Guarantees... Mortal::Death

4.14.2006

Get on board

So it finally appears that everyone got on that Fort Minor track “Where’d You Go?”, you know the one I was talking about back in November [http://tainteddragon.blogspot.com/2005/11/marital-status-retired-family.html, that’s the proof (November 23rd)]. It appears that everyone is finally realizing the totality of having soldiers leave to another country… I guess it takes that many people to leave for it to really start to hit home. Yeah, the video helps, I know. Don’t get it twisted; I’m not upset that many people just didn’t turn their heads to the guy standing in the middle of a city screaming at the top of his lungs. I guess I’m just speaking a world language and all everyone understands is American, sounds like a sad story… yeah I know. And I was thinking about that post, it’s got some serious meaning to me (the track that is) and like Linkin Park’s track “In the End,” its popularity doesn’t overshadow it’s meaning to me. [You know that song already, I’m going to say that I liked the song before it was popular… but I got no proof. That’s what makes this “Where’d You Go” more of a triumph.] The current frequent circulation of “Where’d You Go” will never take away from its meaning to me.

But since there’s this window of opportunity, I’m going to take this opportunity to give another prop to another Fort Minor track [that I can only hope will get radio play]—it’s “Right Now.” [http://tainteddragon.blogspot.com/2005/11/fort-minor-black-thought-styles-of.html, (November 22nd)] And this blog post is in that direction…

Sometime last year, I told someone I look at music and movies because what’s popular reflects on the society that we live in. The music that we listen to… it sets a general state of mind of/for everyone. For example, what I just said “it takes that many people to leave this country to fight a war many of us don’t believe in.” In the video for “Where’d You Go,” it portrays a family that was left behind; in the song, it’s about what’s happens to a family when someone’s gone away for a long time. See the parallel? It saddens me to see that it took this long… I’m satisfied that most of us got there, but sometimes—the luxury of time won’t be there.

Now you look at this past Oscars… some people say fuck the Oscars, but hold up a second. The five nominations are as follows… Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Crash, Good Night and Good Luck, and Munich. All five of these movies are highly regarded, many will tell you that they’re all a must see. So, how do we pick a winner? [I gotta do this at least once, get on this board and discuss the best movie… but anyways] Many were running around and saying Brokeback Mountain was going to win. I’m not going to say which one I chose, because at the time I did not see all five movies. [I think they’re all great films, by the way.] Now, I had a general understanding of what all the movies were about. From the way it looks, the academy people always pick the one that’s most pertaining to the rest of the audience. They voted for what is most relevant to the rest of the country, and what has more impact. Let’s put it this way, they were okay will the gay issue. Cuz I mean, I’m okay with gay people… it really doesn’t dwell on my mind, but I can’t stand when people are racist. And the academy seems to agree… if it didn’t already figure it out Crash won. And there’s another reason why I liked Crash so much, it was at the beginning. “It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.” That put into words what I've been thinking and saying for the longest time.

I mean, I spent most of my time in the suburbs. Now I’m in the city, and I have this contact with so many people at one time. I witnessed the White Sox drive up my block after they won the World Series. I witnessed the 10,000 immigrants march outside my apartment to argue against a bill that would affect them. I don’t claim to meet someone new everyday, but when I meet someone… its never idle conversation. I detest idle conversation. When a conversation between two people happens, there’s got to be something there. If it’s about something that happened yesterday, please let there be something that was learned. If it’s something about what is going to happen tonight, please let it be about something more. Basically, let the question is asked… is this conversation going to matter tomorrow? Conversation is great, I love it. Talking to someone, getting their feelings about something, getting a different view… I could go on and on about it. But please… I’m begging you, let there be some substance—something deeper.

Now, here is where its gonna get cloudy, difficult… Idle conversation has benefits to it. [As everyone says, “What the fuck man.”] “General conversation” does a couple of things… it initiates conversation; conversation, often begins, with “hey, what’s up? What are you doing?” And even though its not gonna matter what I’m doing at 12:15 in the afternoon tomorrow, I still answer the question. As long as that’s not all the conversation is about, I’m cool with it. I’m just begging for something after that. Sometimes, idle conversation will tell you what a person is about. When I’m asked “hey, what are you up to?” I’ll answer with what I’m really doing. And that little bit of honestly, usually says something. “Chillin’, listenin’ to music,” (a frequent response of mine) that right there… that’s says a whole lot about me. And everyone’s got a story to tell.

Alright, now that you’ve finally “acquired” Fort Minor, Black Thought, Styles of Beyond – Right Now, allow me to speak on it.

Please… be aware of the encounters you have every day. Everyone lives in a world of their own design. Yet, we’re all together on this planet. This conflict with other nations, with other ethnicities, with other people/human beings… it brings a tear to my eyes. And it’s not about sadness, its anger. It makes me upset enough to say, we don’t deserve world peace. We deserve what we get—until we are really take a look at the world as one whole place. One planet. [This is going to come up again, it belongs in that series A part of a whole]
All of us, we’re going through something… we’re all experiencing something… take a moment and listen to what someone has to say. [Nelly – N Dey Say, lemme plug that one too] Stop this mentality of “it’s all about me and my struggle with life because what I’m going through is harder than what you’re going through.” With that way of thinking, you’re only bringing on your own ignorance. And…

Ignorance is not bliss.

4.02.2006

The Rain

Evening. I meant to post on this topic last night, on the anniversary of… oops… almost let that one slip. No names, I almost forgot my own rules. Anyways… where was I? Ah yes, it is April. And the first fall of the heavy rain, is/was tonight. The rain… it has brought me a couple of stormy days/nights but I still look to the rain to replenish everything on Earth. Tonight’s topic is kind of a two-part integrated comment/advice blog, so prepare for it to be quite vague… but you’ll catch my drift (if the flood doesn’t drown it out).

I’ve had a couple of rough days in the rain; the rain hasn’t always been so nice to me. In another century, I've had a number of days that the rain couldn’t fall any harder. It made me follow a different path and travel down the strange road. In the rain, I lost my way many times down the same path. I've done unaccountable amounts of stupidity in the rain. Time and time again, the rain has burdened me… its heavy weight crushing me with each droplet of acid, burning to leave scars. Nevertheless, I am still here. And from this, what have I learned? The rain will do funny things to you, but beyond its dreary fa├žade… what you truly know is underneath it all.

I've lost my way quite a few times, and I've continued to push in the wrong direction… knowing that it would only lead to me having to back-track. I’m here to bless you with my experience, maybe you have something to gain from what I've done—in the rain.

Something was said to me many years ago in the rain, and well, it led me to believe that something was meant to change on that day. As it rained, the words that were exchanged filled my heart with happiness, ignoring the facts of the calendar. This ignorance left a wound that now has been healed, but leaves a scar—the same as all wounds that are cut deep enough.

A few years ago, I made a decision to do something—blinded by the rain. On the anniversary of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, I put love against nature. I wouldn’t recommend it; it was not a pretty sight and caused quite a few more repercussions than I was prepared for. But alas, I’m still here… so it couldn’t be as bad as the Massacre. Just chalk up another scar.

Recently, this… story continued with another day of rain. As the rain fell, I didn’t know it was happening. Blinded, I continued to walk down this, now familiar path. Book II (or III?), I believe/hope, has now ended. This is a bit sparse in detail, let’s just say…:

We all do these things... we make these elaborate stories in our mind, a view of the situation that we can only see / take a look at what’s really there... what has been really said / as true intentions will reveal themselves

That was taken from a conversation I had. I hope just that little excerpt will help convey what I’m trying to say. This conversation was far deeper than I intended it to be. I believe it may have helped me more than whom it was intended for, and as always… there’s a twist, but this one… will not be revealed when the rain stops.

My apologizes… for being so vague, when it comes to these matters… they must be. In closing, don’t follow down a path of your own created images. Your mind has the power to destroy you, without ever inflicting any physical wounds. Remember that after the rain, there’s a rainbow… sometimes its just too dark to see, but its there. I’ve obviously had more rainy day experience then I would like to relive and with all that, you’d think that I’d hate the rain—but I don’t. I always remember the rain washes away all that doesn’t stain too deeply. It’s just necessary—for all of Earth’s inhabitants to grow.