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10.12.2005

Death

My bad for not posting up last night… I was way too tired for that. Anyways I’m here now, so everyone gather ‘round… Carl’s got something to say.

First off (in response to Steak’s Comment on my last post because it’s relevant here) “yeah... I can see it that way... I just seems when everyone lays down to rest (or even when they lay and look up at the ceiling) … they’re dissatisfied with the life they lived. They always seem like they want to do something that they didn’t. I guess me being so analytical, I can make a choice and then be completely satisfied with it… because I know why I made the choices I made. [Or make choices and understand why I made them] And if I made a mistake… I’m willing to accept my own apologizes for those mistakes. And not to sound too bold… but I think my expectations match my ambitions, and those are pretty high. So for me to be satisfied with my life, I’d have to meet my expectations. [Not having someone here in front of me… I can’t really tell if this is making any sense (that’s why I take a philosophy courses… to make things make sense)… eh… it makes sense to me.] Alright now… back to the topic that I wanted to talk about yesterday…

I took a course in Death and it was a good course. It was a philosophy course and its main focus was the phenomenon… why it happens? ….what happens? …what happens afterwards? Those were the questions that were raised (and never really answered because no one has actually given a first person account of it). I took the class, because I never really dealt with it before… seriously… I just didn’t know anyone close enough to feel the impact of their death. My grandmother passed away when I was way younger… so I can’t really bring the “memory” of what it meant to me. I think I’ve gone so far as to construct a scene in my mind that consists of a coffin, rain, and yellow roses… but I’m not so sure how accurate that really is. The class also brought cases of channeling and mediums, which raised many questions for me. Mediums and people that channel, they always have someone to bring forth to talk to the individual that’s looking for answers… I’ve always wondered who would come forth to speak to me… when I was “at the pearly gates, God let me in” [The Game, Tony Yayo – Runnin’]. I wanted to go see a medium or someone that channels and I couldn’t, not very popular in Chicago… I guess. I made the conclusion that, we are always watched and therefore must try to impress, but that raised the question… who do I have to impress? And I answered that with something that resembles “my angels are here on this plain… those are the individuals that I need to impress,” this idea keeps me striving for better… that and my belief in God. But not like Christians… more like Descartes. [Yes, I know Descartes was Christian; but he never spoke of Jesus (that’s my difficulty with Christianity) in his writings… just God]

Well… that book of knowledge is nothing compared to experience. I had to deal with Death last week. Two people, I knew, passed away. The first was a friend of mine… we weren’t like really-really tight, but I knew him well enough to shed a tear during his service. A couple of hours before his passing… we were at a party. And although I didn’t see him on a consistent basis… it was good to see him again (along with all the other faces that I missed seeing). When I left the party (Sunday [Early] Morning), I told him I’d see him again… figured it would be a while because I’m here at school… pretty much took it for granted. Little did I know… the next time I would see him… he would be in his casket. He passed away only a few hours after I left the party… something happened on his way home (not going to get into the details, it’s not the place for that). Not to over shadow my friend’s passing… my friend’s (different person) father passed away Monday morning. His father and I weren’t buddy-buddy, but he always asked how I was doing… and those things that adults say to students but it was different from when everyone else said it… he was always sincere… always wanted me to work hard… he will be missed. Both individuals were very young in age… it just doesn’t seem right to say something like that. I mean it’s really not nice to say something like if you’re eighty… you’re expendable… you can pass away then. But it was just unnatural for them to pass away at their ages… it just doesn’t fit right.

Death came to our circle of friends twice… I know that each one of us took it very differently. In our group, it was just a different bond for everyone… so obviously it’s going to be different for everyone. That leads to the question… what is the meaning of life. I believe it is to fulfill a purpose… ya really don’t even have to realize what the purpose is… I think it gets completed and then ya pass away. This answer solves that whole question about time… why we pass away when we do? But raises a bigger question… if we all have a purpose… what’s the point of the human race as a whole? Progress? What’s the point of progress when there isn’t going to be life forever? My Death professor made that comment to me… the more knowledge we attain, the more questions we have. I still stand by my idea that our purpose of life is to fulfill our purpose, whatever it may be. Whatever our purpose is… we (as a human race) will progress… what happens after that… I really haven’t thought about it… I’m sure I’ll get back on that subject sometime soon… hopefully… Well as it would seem… it’s late… and I’ve run out of things to say… but I know there was more… I know I’ll revisit this subject again… maybe progress will be made…

1 comment:

Nat said...

I don't understand why people would want to believe that we don't have a reason to be here. That's rather pessimistic and lessens the worth of life. And to say that it's being real, well if you mean nothing in life then why don't they just drop dead now?