Anticipation::Anxiety

I stand at the edge... looking into the oblivion of the next year--what is to come. I'm doing everything I can to prepare, but I am unsure of what lies ahead. How am I suppose to prepare for something I am so unsure of? I mean, I think I know what's coming. "It's like I can predict the future now." I've planned for this, and I've nearly completed everything that I need to prepare. Are we ready? Am I ready?

***
Checklist (as of 2007.12.27):
ProTools... check
FruityLoops... check
Camera... check
Mohawk... check
Moleskines... check

YouTube... waiting

MMVM... processing
Template... processing
Final Cut... processing
Publishing... processing

Copyright...
Powerbook and G5...
***
Sometimes life throws curve balls, learn to hit them and you'll get paid.

I Wanna Tell You Something

Especially this season...
I know most are a bit busier and things get away from us, but I wanted to remind everyone of the season. Flying solo through the holidays always has a bit of turbulence, but it doesn't have to. Enjoy your friends and family, keep them close. And if you have someone significant, let them know. Sometimes you shouldn't wait.

***

Alicia Keys - Tell You Something [Nana's Reprise]

Get so caught up everyday
Tryna keep it all together
While the time, it slips away
You see I know nothing last forever

Imagine there was no tomorrow
Imagine that I couldn't see your face
There would be no limit to my sorrow
So all I can say

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait till it's too late

I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait
I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait (won't wait till it's too late)

Just a simple conversation
Just a moment is all it takes
I wanna be there just to listen
(I wanna be here)
And I don't wanna hesitate

Imagine there was no tomorrow
Imagine that I couldn't see your face
There would be no limit to my sorrow
'cause there's nothing that could fill that space
I don't wanna put it off for too long
I didn't say all that I had to say
I wanna take my time and right the wrong, before we get to that place

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait till it's too late

Just lean on my shoulder,
It's not over till it's over
Don't worry about it, cause
I'm gonna make sure our bond gets stronger
I don't wanna wait till the storm and something wrong and now you're gone and I can't find you

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait till it's too late

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait till it's too late

I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait (won't wait till it's too late)
I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait
I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait (won't wait till it's too late)
I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait

***

Happy Holidays!

Blog Action Day: Broken Promises, Missed Opportunities

For as long as we've been an ungrateful species, she has forgiven us. For the many crimes that we have committed against our fellow siblings, she has only warned “one day it would come back to haunt us.” Mother Nature has given us nothing but the best she could have offered, we took it and smiled.


Back in 1997, we made a promise amongst ourselves. A promise some of us have kept. A promise some of us knew we couldn’t keep. The Kyoto Protocol was that promise. It was an amendment, an international treaty, to address climate change—assigning a mandatory emissions reduction in greenhouse gasses. We made it five years ago but as of 2007, 172 countries have confirmed this agreement. The Kyoto Protocol was a small step, but it was no victory.

The United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) wanted a “stabilization of greenhouse gas concentrations in the atmosphere at a level that would prevent dangerous anthropogenic interference with the climate system.” Governments were divided into two parts, developed and developing. Annex I (developed) countries agreed to a greenhouse gas emission reduction obligation and to submit an annual greenhouse gas inventory; non-Annex I (developing) countries did not have a greenhouse gas emission reduction obligation but may participate in the Clean Development Mechanism.

By 2012, Annex I countries have to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions by a collective average of 5% below their 1990 levels, compared to the emission levels that would be expected by 2010 without the Protocol, this limitation represent a 29% cut. [Side note: the European Union member states, has corresponded with 15% below their expected greenhouse gas emissions]

Annex I countries can also meet their limitations by purchasing Clean Development Mechanism (CDM) from other Annex I countries or from Annex I countries with excess allowances so long as they are CDM Executive Board-accredited Certified Emission Reductions (CER). CDM Projects in Non-Annex I must also be approved before receiving CER. Joint Implementation (JI) is also a similar scheme covering mainly former Soviet Union and Eastern Europe. Non-Annex I economies can practice a “Greenhouse Gas Project” and will receive “Carbon Credit” which can be sold to Annex I buyers. This is intended to help those countries that are highly efficient, low greenhouse gas polluting industries, and high prevailing environmental standards; these countries have done this but still choose to participate in the agreement. This, in turn, encourages Non-Annex I to reduce greenhouse gas emissions since it can now be seen as an economical product—and thereby profitable through the sale of “Carbon Credits.”

All Annex-I parties have established a Designated National Authorities to monitor their greenhouse gas obligations. Many countries have started funds and supported multilateral carbon funds with the intent to purchase “Carbon Credits” from Non-Annex Countries. Nearly all non-Annex I countries have set up their own designated authorities as well. As with any exchange, non-Annex I countries want to sell at maximum value of “Carbon Credits” and Annex I countries want to buy “Carbon Credits” as cheaply as possible.

Greenhouse Gas Emissions to 2004
Climate Change Convention
Post-Kyoto negotiations have envisioned a global cap-and-trade system that would apply to both industrialized nations and developing countries. On June 7, 2007 the 33rd G8 summit would “aim to at least halve global CO2 emissions by 2050. NASA anticipates the tipping point within 10 years, 2017.

For five years now, this obligation has been a glaring reminder of who we really are. Mother Nature will survive; it is only a matter or whether or not we will be here to see it. I think its time we stop lying to her, she deserves at least that much.

Blog Action Day - 2007

As I mentioned in the last post... once again, I am a part of another whole. Blog Action Day asks the question "what would happen if every blog published post discussing the same issue, on the same day?" [I'm not even going to explore the possibilities of this, you can do that on your own.] Its intent is to raise awareness on a number of issues, the first being the environment. And it couldn't come at a better time.


One issue. One day. Thousands of voices.

The Most Terrifying Video I've Ever Seen

I came across something on digg today that needed to share with all of you. You've probably figured out what side of the environmental argument that I'm on; if not, I'm riding with the "global warming is very real, and we need to do something about it" crew. I have an attachment to the environmental problem, the emotions that it conjures up are unspeakable. [Right now, while I'm typing, my hands are shaking.] I promise we'll get into this after, onto the video!

The video is an argument for action, on the global climate crisis (if you believe it to be a problem or not). It's intent is to look at the problem objectively, without emotion, and through logic. Think "Risk Management." It is oversimplified but with good reason; it makes it easier for everyone to understand, and the conclusion very clear. Here's the video.



What did you everyone think? I hope it invoked something... for the love of god, anything... please! I'll be weighing in the the global warming issue soon. I'm with "Blog Action Day" and we'll be posting about the environment come October 15, 2007. [Please join us as you see fit.] I've got 8 days left to wrap mine up.

As promised, here we go...
I'd liked to believe that I've gained a reputation as a problem-solver. "Got a problem, tell me about it, and we'll take care of it," that's how I am with almost everything. Some problems I do not and/or cannot have a solution for, but I have suggestions. In the slightest sense, this is how I feel about Global Climate Change. The difference is, the result of my inability to provide a solution results in catastrophic events. I'll never deal with a problem with this much riding on the it. Our world is a stake, and I have no comment. For this, I am a failure and there is no apology that will be good enough.

I want to conclude with a few extra notes. Ahhh... there is something to be said about needing a leader... and stuff about lost potential. And it all can be summed up with one little story:
At the height of the Second World War, we (as a human race) were industrializing so much we had the ability to feed every living being. Every nation horded their greatest scientists and conducted experiments to test our limits. But. We chose to send nuclear warheads, and keep up with the production schedule.
I think it's safe to say, we made a mistake. But, we have a chance to redeem ourselves, Global Climate Change has given us that chance to make up for all of our wrongs as a race. But, we're choosing to not do anything about it.

This is a problem I cannot solve on my own, and I need your help. Please, will you help me?

"Digg This" Button!

Hiro: "Yatta!"
[Heroes - Season 1, Episode 2: Don't Look Back]

Located below (post footer) is a new (for me) "Digg" Button. As you can see, I've become infatuated with Digg and its potential/possibilities. Here's how it did it...

Whatever html editor you're using, search for 'post-footer' and from that... make it look like this...


The follow lines (by default) are the vcard details and author stuff.

Thank You's go to...
[Steakified.]
[http://digg.com/tools/integrate]
[http://bloggingsecret.blogspot.com/2007/04/how-to-add-digg-button-on-blogspot.html]

"I was just making smalltalk"

Dropping in, dropping something off.

I came across on Grrl Genius that I wanted to share with all of you. It's coincidental that she mentions it at this very moment. I decided to comment on her post and respond with depth here. I left: "There is no smalltalk at 10:00 pm."

My comment is the conclusion of a discussion. No matter what you're doing at 10:00 in the evening, any conversation that happens at this hour (or any time past it) is more than just "smalltalk."

For example:
It's 11:00 P.M. and I get a text message and it reads...
"Hey, what are you up to?"
"Hun, there's no smalltalk at 11:00."

Another example: It's 2:00 A.M. and a text message comes through and it reads...
"Hey, are you up?"
"Hun, there's no smalltalk @ 2 in the morning."

See where I'm going with this? Is anyone "smalltalking" at those late hours? Early-early mornings? Check my blog times, notice the late hour and thus the final post.

So where do we go from here...?

First off, I apologize for not blogging as much as I promised I would but I've been quite busy remaking a few things (including this blog). I was thinking to myself and thought "I come across so much stuff in my daily life that shapes who I am and what I'm about. It's only right that on my personal blog, I would share it with all of you." Thanks to digg.com, the passage of images and information is incredible. People sourcing from all places, providing various material on a number of different subjects. At the tip of this iceberg, the possibilities are endless.

Digg has brought me to this article/page and it raises many questions about our industrialism and whether or not the positives outweigh the negatives. I'm not going to post all the images here, they aren't mine, but please follow the link and enjoy.

I chose this particular image because the sea on military planes is a reflection of our violent intent, as human beings.

The Good Life

Hey! Take a seat; let me talk to you about something. I know you see me out here, talking a lot about money and this and that. Plenty about material items and you wonder what happened to “it’s not about the money.” Give me a chance to explain. What I’m looking for, well… its peace through success.

It’s difficult to understand that the world is a beautiful place when all you see is people suffering. But people keep telling me this. So now I’m trying to see that. I know there are other issues I could be sitting here worry about. I can’t get distracted by things outside of me, when I dwell on things inside of me. But let me put it to you like this, maybe I could solve the issues I have internally after I solve my external issues. I look at it like this, I have so many people around me that really want to put a good message out in the world and their biggest problem… is money. So let me take away that problem. Yes, it’s good for the roses when it rains... but it’s difficult when it’s always the same.

I’m trying to find out if you really do you see “things clearer through Marc Jacob shades?” Do you really “sleep better knowing you’re going to wake up paid?” [Fabolous, Lloyd – Real Playa Like]

What does it feel like to “pop champagne on a plane?” I already know that “having money isn’t everything, but not having it, is.” [Kanye West, T-Pain – The Good Life]

I’m trying to follow “The Blueprint” to understand that “life is just a beach chair.” I know that there’s “business around corner where the sun don’t shine.” But I’m trying to “let the wheels give a glimpse of hope from one’s grind.” I want to feel the difference between a regular vacation and a permanent one. [Jay-Z, Chris Martin – Beach Chair]

I have goals to change the world and it takes money to do that.
I will “do good” with this money.

More than meets the eye...

I've been going through my blog recently, and I've noticed (among other things) it's rather Dark—like Dark Knight-ish Dark. I'm an avid reader of other blogs and it's just not very marketable to write only during the rough times. Although one can argue, it is those moments that try us, that inspire us to write. But as of late, I've not shared any good news. Beyond my blog perception, I'm a pretty optimistic individual and I think it's time for this blog to get back to its original intention… self-expression, negative as well as positive. Thank you for continuing to read, those of you that have stayed; to the others, welcome back!

So the reference I made before, The Dark Knight… Yeah, I was on the set of it, as an extra. Pretty cool, huh, I'm not going to disclose any spoilers… sorry but not on this public forum. If you want to know the details of the shot, shoot me an e-mail or just ask. But remember it is spoiler-ish. But what I can say is, I enjoyed being on set. Just watching how everything works, how a movie gets made, only give me more appreciation to the film. Take after take, it's not easy, but I think that when we see the final product it will be all worth it. Hopefully, I positioned myself in some viewable spots and get a little face time on the camera. But that wasn't my intention going out. I wanted to be a part of something that I enjoy, no harm in that—and I definitely got to be a part of it.

And of course, here are some bragging rights…

I got to see Aaron Eckhart (Harvey Dent), Maggie Gyllenhaal (Rachel Dawes), Anthony Michael Hall, Heath Ledger (The Joker), Christopher Nolan (The Director), and Gary Oldman (Lt. James Gordon) amongst 900+ extras... did someone say mass panic? It was awesome.

The Dark Knight - Teaser Trailer

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Always Remind.

I have a confession… I've been reading. I know, I know… it’s not a big deal. But for so long, I haven’t read… and when I read it was for all the wrong reasons. This time was different. Today, I finished The Jew in the Lotus. [And I know I haven’t been blogging as I once frequently did and the last few posts have been somewhat sour, but I’m going to get past that.] I want to share a bit of this book with you. There are quite a few things that I’d want to write, but we don’t have time for it all. Hopefully, I can get to it some other time… or the issue will come up. But we’ll just leave it to Fate.

The Jew in the Lotus is about a group of Jewish delegates that travel to Dharamsala, India to have a religious dialogs with the XIV Dalai Lama of Tibet. Their intention is to compare their religions but find they have more in common than in difference. The dialogs are of true events and written from the perspective of a poet, Roger Kamenetz. He was born Jewish and this is his rediscovery of Judaism through an encounter with the Dalai Lama. I won’t go through the whole plot [leave that for you to read] but there is an idea that I want to share.

What is currently happening to the Tibetans is nothing less than genocide. It’s nothing different than the events that happened during Hitler’s term in power, so naturally the subject is openly discussed. One of the Dalai Lama’s questions for the Jewish is about survival, there’s no one better to ask. From this is something I wanted to focus on.

The Dalai Lama is asked to comment on the current situation. Enlightening, the Dalai Lama refers to the Chinese as the “external force.” At first, this concept is difficult to grasp… the Chinese have done so much against the Tibetans and to understand them as just an “external force” is beyond common instinct. When questioned, the Dalai Lama says something along the lines of “those that live in fear or hate toward the Germans are still in concentration camps.”

Wow.

For so long the past has held me prisoner, and through understanding, the negative force can end.

Buddhism teaches, among other things, tolerance. Buddhism is a peaceful religion; throughout history they have not been responsible for any violence. Fighting for Buddhism would be counter-productive, thus the question of survival.

America is dead.

I saw Transformers on Monday [I caught the 8:00 PM show at AMC River East 21]… I thought it was awesome, good action [as only Michael Bay can deliver], and you can't go wrong with Steven Spielberg as an executive producer. It will probably be a bigger blockbuster, but I still believe Live Free or Die Hard is better film. And the reason for that is because the interpretation of Optimus Prime comes off as a protector, a god-like complex—which happens to overshadow Shia Labeouf ascendancy; whereas John McClane is just an everyman that becomes a hero because it is needed. What happens to John McClane time and time again happens to Shia but he's got big-ass robots behind his back to help him out. Both films discuss the idea that there is a hero in every individual and that’s what makes them good films.

Today, as Americans, we celebrate our independence day. July 4, marks the official day of United States of America, but there’s something wrong with this picture. 1776 is quite different than the country we see around us. For Michael Moore’s Sicko, the tag line is “What seems to be the problem?” Long gone are the days of hapless fun, barbecues and fireworks. These moments still occur, but let’s face it, it’s not like it was in the 90’s. In a post 9-11 world, the red, white and blue is a bit faded. Not so bold and true, as they once were. We celebrate our independence, but I believe this country has forgotten what it means to be American.

Ever the augment, media [movies, music, and associated press] do not define a country. As designers, as intellectuals, filmmakers and artists alike convey messages in our work. It’s one thing to express the sentiments of ourselves; it’s another playing field when we try to express the feelings of another or of others as a whole. As of late, the films produced have had an underlying trend, “there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there?” [V for Vendetta]

Tomorrow, on comic book stores and stands everywhere, fan-boys, patriots and citizens alike bury Captain America. The idealistic patriot has died. The Sentinel of Liberty was assassinated on the steps of Federal Courthouse, he was put on trail after he defied the governments Registration Act requiring all citizens with supernatural abilities to register their personal information—thereby putting themselves and those they know in the line of fire. Every since his first issue, he has been a symbol of this country.

Brandishing the American Flag across his chest, he was the shining shield of these United States. Tomorrow the last issue of a five-part series entitled “Fallen Son: Death of Captain America” wraps-up. The chapter titles are based on the five stages of grief:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

This series is unbelievable; it takes the audience through the loss of a hero, through the eyes of his friends [Wolverine, Iron Man, the Avengers, Spider-Man, etc]. The last issue is said to answer the question, “How does a nation stand without its hero?” I suspect it will be like the last two movies I’ve reviewed: there is a hero within us all and it’s the only thing keeping hope alive.

marvel.com has provided notes for the last issue.
Link:[http://www.marvel.com/news/comicstories.1262]

ign.com has provided a good interview with Jeph Loeb, writer of this epic series. Link:[http://comics.ign.com/articles/801/801414p1.html]

Live Free or Die Hard

I saw Live Free or Die Hard last night; well… technically it was this morning. You know the midnight show thang. I thought it was good, entertaining to say the least. Most of the action is over-the-top, but then again that’s why we go… to see an everyman kill some people. And it still remains true; the world needs John McClane (Bruce Willis). I’ve been mulling over something for a while and this related so well, I figure now’s a good time to talk about it.

*Disclaimer* Don’t worry there aren’t any spoilers, I wouldn’t do that to you. *Disclaimer*

There’s a scene where Matt Farrell (Justin Long, the Mac Guy) is having a panic attack, its right at the beginning and he says “I’m just not that guy.” He’s talking heroics and how he’s different than John McClane because he’s… well… he’s “just not that guy.” And John has a little speech I’m not going to repeat because I’ll butcher the dialogue (and it is done so very well), but the point is he (John) is just who he is by nature. Nothing special, he didn’t go and take special classes for this stuff… it’s just him and who he is. He goes and says more in the speech I’m not going to repeat out of fear that I may crucify the script. Either way, that scene made a definite impression on me and the theme appears throughout the film.

If I could just Live Free, I wouldn’t have all these complications in my life. I’m finding it difficult to be happy (or maybe, its content) with my choices. As a given, if I didn’t have a million things stressing me out then life would be much easier. Maybe I’m making it all too difficult, doesn’t seem like any one else carries this much of a burden.

And if I let everything go, would I then be no longer me? Maybe if I gave up this weight I wouldn’t be who I am. Is it possible that by nature (or what I was born with, whatever you wanna say), it is my duty to carry the weight of the world? And if I decided to give up this responsibility, would I ultimately be giving up myself?

Furthermore, are there no other options? Is there no gray area, some in-between? Option C?
Is that then the choice… to Live Free or Die Hard?

Pirates of The Caribbean - At World's End

Just stopping in for a quickie… I saw Pirates of the Caribbean – At World’s End last night. I enjoyed it, it wasn’t as complex as the others but that’s okay… maybe that part of itself will show through after the viewings I have lined up. Most of it was predictable to me, but that’s just me.

There are a few parts in the movie that struck a cord with me. Stemming from my last post, about being a fan of your significant other and how that’s the only way to be, I think there’s a great example of that in the film. Actually, the moment happens twice, but I won’t spoil it for you. There was another commentary about relationships that I also wanted to note. Making a major decision without your significant others knowledge, and does it automatically lead to oneself not being trustworthy from the perspective of your significant other? I haven’t really decided on what I think about this, but it’s brought up in the film. You know how Elizabeth Swann handcuffs Captain Jack to the Black Pearl at the end of Deadman’s Chest to send him to Davy Jones’ locker… well it’s obvious someone was gonna address it, but long story short it gets brought up. At the heart of Pirates, if it isn’t obvious, it’s a story about love… love for the sea, love for another, love for oneself (not necessarily in that order, but that could be something interesting to explore). Either way, just wanted to give a heads up and make sure everyone was looking out for that. Oh, and there’s a little thang after the credits, like the rest of the Pirates films.

I’ll probably post some more text after another a couple of viewings, this was just some initial stuff.

Hanged

Hey all, sorry I've been MIA, but I’m back. “Coincidence? I think not.” This Linkin Park CD comes at a good time for me, as their CDs always have. Their sound is different, but I find it still calming. Initially, I like “Leave Out All The Rest,” “Shadow Of The Day,” and “Hands Held High,” as my top favorites. That’s just my little shout-out, moving forward.

Recently, I just got into a discussion about self-sacrifice. We were talking about Spider-Man 3 and how as an attribute of an individual willing to self-sacrifice, that individual doesn’t ask for any help. They just bear the weight of the world on their shoulders, ask no questions and take no aid. I argued it wasn’t in Spider-Man’s character, as a self sacrifice-r to ask. You don’t see Batman asking for help, nope, he believes it’s his responsibility to do it. [He takes Robin’s aid, but only to train him, to be his successor] Thus the Spider-Man underlying theme “With great power comes great responsibility.” And this is because no one else is going to do it. Then, due to recent events, I was under the belief these individuals are ultimately alone. How can these individuals be truly happy if they self-sacrifice? Is it possible to be happy when you know the world isn’t? And if you’re never happy, can you achieve oneness with someone?

I think it is possible, but difficult. The only marriages I see ever lasting are those individuals that are fans of one another. [Maybe this is obvious to everyone else, but I just didn’t get it.] I think to truly be with someone, you have to be their fan first. You have to be into what they do. Beyond their exterior, doesn’t a person’s essence make them interesting? If that individual has the same drive they did before they were in a tragic scarring accident, would you still turn to leave them because of the physical features? I think the reason why people separate after accidents or arguments is because they aren’t or don’t appear to be the same person. This leads to no longer being attracted or out-of-love; however you want to phrase it. Sorry for the tangent, but what I’m trying to say is the only way self-sacrifice-rs can be with someone is if they are fan, and that someone is a fan of them. They exist in love the same way as anyone else, that’s how they can be with someone and a self-sacrifice-r. Now if you believe this, can a self-sacrifice-r be with someone that isn’t?

Survival of the Fittest

I apologize for being absent the last few weeks; other things have been occupying my mind. Nothing anyone really cares to hear about so we’ll just skip the small talk. Although real estate would be a nice introduction…

“Survival of the Fittest”
The phrase I've been pondering is from Herbert Spencer’s 1851 work “Social Statics.” Many people have made the correlation to Charles Darwin’s idea of “natural selection.” I’d like to just focus on the phrase itself for a moment. “Social Statics” was about free market economics and primarily about a company’s ability to survive. “Survival of the Fittest” meant “adaptive,” “most suitable,” and/or “most appropriate.” Meaning the company that had these attributes was in the best position to survive, so not-so-much “best physical shape or condition.” Although Darwin does use the term in his work and gives full credit to Spencer when talking about it, in Spencer’s definition no words about phenotype or genetics are discussed. I ask the question can “Survival of the Fittest” still apply to beings, beyond companies. I suggest we adjust (but not ignore) the meaning of “Survival of the Fittest” and its relation to physical features. Maybe survival depends less on “how much strength you have over another” and more “how well you can co-exist.”

Naturally, talking about extinct animals seems appropriate, so… think of some of the animals that are extinct or near-extinction. How many of those are loner creatures? The Giant Panda, an animal near extinction spends most of its life alone, only meeting during breeding season. I’m sure the consistent threat of poachers doesn’t help (habitat destruction doesn’t either), but with the removal of these threats I wonder if the panda bear would even survive. I’m not suggesting that humans aren’t responsible; I’m just saying maybe there’s another factor we’re not thinking about.

If one believes in evolution then perhaps survival depends on a species social ability, or how well a species can interact and co-exist with another of its kind. Maybe cavemen survival doesn’t entirely depend on having bigger skulls and/or being bi-pedal. Cockroaches live by the millions, even billions, and I don’t see them going extinct anytime soon. And this is playing with “united we stand, divided we fall” mentality, but maybe the only way to insure survival (for all) is to co-exist with others of our species. And I don’t think survival depends on number of people at all, who’s to say the people of China have a better chance of survival than tribes of Africa. Perhaps survival of a species is dependent on how well the species can work together.

And if that’s the case then, the threat of global warming and the impossible of world peace have a chance of being overcome… if it is understood that it depends on our co-existence.

***

The reason I thought real estate could a good introduction is because one thinks of what they need and comparing it against the typical American Dream (steady income, good health, family, white picket fence and a two car garage). Architecturally, I've been looking at Single Room Occupancy (SRO). Living in a single room, sharing kitchen and bath with someone, may be the answer against the threat of increasing density. Maybe the old American Dream and consistent needs (food, water, and choice) contradict chances for survival, in terms of life on a global basis. Maybe the neo-American Dream should be living in a major city, providing for the next individual, and functioning with the rest of the species… to insure human survival.

But this is what I expect of myself…

“I think you’re really intelligent, but…"

“-you can’t prove it”

“don’t be so hard on your self”

“-I’m not impressed”

“you’re only a student”

“-you’re [a perceived mature age]”

“you’re just [a perceived young age]”

“-everything before ‘but’ means nothing.”

“no one expects you to be perfect”

[Above: Quotes that I have been given to me at one point or another…]

“To the pressure for success can put a good strain / On a friend you call best, and yet it could bring / Out the worst in every person; even the good—insane.” [(Nas), Jay-Z – Black Republican] Following the format of quotes, I’m beginning this blog with three lines of lyric from Jay-Z—with the hope that somewhere there is something, although truthfully I’m not sure what I’m not looking for… just the answer.

That beginning-of-a-sentence, the one at the very top of the page, is just about the most disappointing sentence that could possibly be spoken. I hope no one ever has it said to them, because they have the power to stop a person dead in their tracks. For me, I attach faces saying those words. I close my eyes and the memory wakes me, pushing me forward.

It’s true:
I know I would’ve… but I
I know I could’ve… but I
I know I should’ve… but I

“Remember, nothing before ‘but’ means anything…”

I know what it is… and I know what it isn’t. That’s what it has been, up to this point. I’m sick of being disappointed; more so, I’m sick of being disappointed with myself. And I don’t know how to change. It’s true, “pressure is not your friend,” but how do we make it go away? Is there a way of adjusting the perception so pressure is motivation? What is there to do when every where we turn, we are reminded on what we could’ve achieved but didn’t? [My mind is a prison… Am I the only one feeling this?]

There’s this phenomenon called the “Sophomore Slump,” it refers to an artist(s) high-anticipated second album falling short of the first. Does anyone have an answer to why this happens? Is it the pressure from the label on the artist? Or is it the pressure within? I’m trying not to feel so alone? But with success amongst my peers, what else am I suppose to feel? I don’t even feel like I’m doing the best I can, a part of me knows I can do better. I can be better, but how (and when)?

***

“Hov, how you get so fly” / I said from not being afraid to fall out the sky” [Jay-Z, (Chris Martin) – Beach Chair]
It would take me days to fully analyze and speak on this song… every verse has more depth than any ocean... but maybe that's the answer I've been waiting for

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Funny thing about perspective… it comes from the strangest places.

I wrote something last week and I spoke about knowing the full story before you speak… I find myself in discussions that I know little about. I suppose I didn’t really understand what I was saying until I took a look at myself, maybe a little detail and some residual self-image.

Maybe it’s just what is expected of me or the way I carry myself, but my opinion is expected to be voiced at any and all times. In some particular topics, I don’t have one. I’m sorry… I’m trying, but I may not up-to-date or whatever it may be. I suppose it’s a fault of being human, probably something that is nearing the status of hatred in my book, but sometimes I don’t have an opinion. But now, here’s the killer…

I voice anyway…

sucks…

doesn’t it?

Now, you’re probably thinking, “just don’t, and it’ll be fine.” Oh, but I have to keep this up. When a teacher asks you a question, is the appropriate answer “I don’t know?” Have you ever really tried it? I never have, but quite frankly, all they want you to do is at least try. Now, I’m not saying what they want you should do, but c’mon… you’d try right? So when your peers ask your opinion and all eyes on you here, would you be satisfied with “I don’t know?” After some long speech about how much your significant other loves you and they count the ways, what would you do? “Yeah, I love you too”… hmmm… I don’t think that’s gonna be enough. Maybe that’s just me here, but I suppose one should respond something with a bit more substance… but maybe that’s just me.

I know a couple of little fishes that don’t have a problem with not saying anything. They’re just swimming along and taking it all in, no doubt keeping it in their bottomless pit of knowledge and experience. I suppose some would describe them as passive, but it’s what they don’t say, that’s what people should be worried about. [Maybe I’m not wrong in speaking when it’s needed, and they’re guilty of saying nothing when something needs to be said.] Its okay, their slightly prone to exaggeration, if that doesn’t balance it out some. I think this admiration that I’m detailing is with a dash of jealousy. If I could be more internal, it would keep me out of many difficult situations. I suppose it’s my wicked tongue that gets me into trouble. This hunter should learn to shoulder his firearm… or grab a big net and go on a little trip. No… but seriously, every now and again, I have to pocket my blade and leave it holstered.

It’s bad to toast with water, and alcohol doesn’t do too well for you anyways, but cheers…

to speaking when it’s appropriate.

You don't know the half of it

Time has moved on… the rest of life has continued to pass us by. And I’ve said it before but to reiterate, the past is what makes us who we are.

So often has something happened and I’ve expect its face value as fact. Long ago, I watched movies, or listen to music, and figured it was all the art of an individual. Then looking at it once again, thought there could possibly be a bit of truth; maybe not so much suspicion but perspective. Possibly, the story told before my eyes is not fake, and is fact known only to a few individuals; and maybe something that comes off as entertaining to some, is reality to others.

My daily proceedings take me through a number of different individuals and their stories. Through these discussions, I blindly (with good reason) assume the entire story has been told. How can anyone expect an honest comment without giving honesty to begin with? Or so I would like to believe… But this is not always the case. There are a number of different reasons why people exaggerate things and I don’t have the capacity to list them all. I, myself, exaggerate for entertainment value. My story is more entertaining when exaggerated, “it’s for theatrical effect”—simply put. Sometimes my audience doesn’t have a necessary need to commit my story to memory, so what do the details really matter. There are some instances where entertainment is what everyone around you is expecting, so stand and deliver. But I suppose there’s an opposite of exaggeration.

The jist of it, or so the story goes, is all the audience wants to know. Those that skip to the end of a novel or read the cliff notes, are merely looking for the skinny. But, I’d argue what is told between two people is the slim version of most stories. I don’t think exact emotions or thoughts are actually discussed in these conversations, I suppose their meant to come out during the telling of the story. But isn’t that why we tell the exaggerated version… to make it more theatrical?

I believe what makes a movie good, as apposed to a personal story, is the fact that things happen in real-time and all emotions are conveyed. The dramatic effect that the audience feels happens at the same moment the character on screen is experiencing it. “I guess you had to be there,” applies more than ever. When someone tells a story, and the audience doesn’t respond, there’s a sense of emotion not being conveyed. Before the audience echoes of nothingness… well… I’d take a second thought because maybe…

Any Given Sunday

I’m not gonna lie, I’m feeling disappointed tonight. Born in Chicago, raised in a city that only knows Chicago for sports… today was a big game for our football division. I’ve seen six championships in basketball, celebrated a World Series pendant… but I really wanted this Vince Lombardi. In January of 1986, the Chicago Bears won the world championship in a domination of the league that I can’t remember. These Bears were a splitting imagine of those 85 ones. Everything seemed like it was going good, like this year was going to be the one. I’ve been holding off on this blog because if I released it earlier, it may have come off as spitting on Patriots. For the readers that aren’t into sports, look past the bright lights and see the underlying message. From the game of football, there are many lessons to be learned.

For Sean Payton, as much as I believe the Buccaneers will always be the best in the NFC South, you’ve given the gift of Faith to those Saints’ fans. For Reggie Bush, as much as that taunting is unnecessary, you are everything that hype said you would be. For Brian Urlacher, as much as you’re disappointed at this moment, this city commends your strength and devotion to this team… you’ll get your day. For Peyton Manning, as much as I’ve been upset with you, real players show up on Sunday.

In retrospect, we were outplayed today. It’s not something we did specifically wrong, we were beaten… we didn’t beat ourselves. Yeah sure, those turnovers I’d like to have back, but the Colts had just as many. If you want to blame it on Rex, sure you can, but maybe it was the Bob Sanders that picked that one out of the air… or Kelvin Hayden, who dreamt about it last night, and gets his time to shine. If you want to blame it on the rain, remember that they played on the same field.

Adversity is defined by the trials we go through and result at the end of the game. When its clutch, the real players (and fans, for that matter) show up. Sometimes I find myself asking if I have the strength to see my dreams through. Not many people know this, and I still am a bit hesitant to say it, but I was named after Carl Lewis… the four time gold medalist in the 1984 Olympics. A champion in his own right… I feel the pressure to perform every time my name is called. I find myself asking “Can I run this race?”

***

On the flipside of this season is another lesson. Tom Brady is a champion, that’s a fact, but against the Colts—he threw a pick to end his team’s season. Earlier in the year, the Bears beat the Cardinals on a Monday night finale that rewrote the history books… tonight; the Bears fell in a deficit they could not overcome. You can’t always pull it out in the end; I’ve learned this the hard way… (And no, not by watching football)

At the end of it all, there are always two things about football I love. One, real players show up when their number is called. Two, pulling it out at the end is a last resort (“Hail Mary’s” have the lowest percentage of completion in any coach’s playbook.)

Moment of Clarity

This isn’t an introduction from me; it’s not needed because I am who I am. Although, I believe an apology is in order. I’m sorry for not speaking what was in my head so that others my hear it. I apologize for that possible bit of knowledge that may have helped you and wasn’t there when you searched here because you may have thought I would’ve provided it; I will not try, but I will do better next time. I appreciate those that have read what I have written thus far and hope I will gain more audience as the time line is written.

Since my last post I have been searching, simply searching for the answers I may not be ready to handle. During rehabilitation, alcoholics experience a phenomenon referred to as a “moment of clarity.” A moment in which they see the picture in it’s entirely. The truth, and the grand scheme of all things. It is usually the realization of something that affects all aspects of their life, it usually causes them to change their ways and straighten their wavy path. They gain a sense of clarity and thank those that have given them so much. Some credit this to family, others to their friends, and some to God.

From the last posts, a series of events have happened. Those of which, the outcome [which is most important] is displayed here. Some say it is only the journey that matters, but I’d argue it is the journey of life that matters. How is this different? I solemnly believe life can be seen as one whole journey with one end, but also can be seen as many series of events with many conclusions to journeys and an ultimate end. Since the last time we met, I've reached the end of a series. A semester was completed, a year had ended, a birthday had passed, along with countless other things and what have I learned?

Every now and again, one must look from the outside of one’s self to see the whole picture.

Riding through life behind the steering wheel, one can only concentrate on what is in front. Seeing the world from a different perspective can result in a clearer understanding of surroundings. There are pilots and there are passengers, the world is different depending on view from one’s seat.

Now what if you were neither of those; perhaps a third party, the observer, so to speak. What is the view like then? I believe there is much benefit from this perspective. I am allowed to see myself, the people around me, and my environment and from that choose what I believe is the best path or way to proceed. If you agree, then the ultimate question is… how does one generate this view?

What are the questions that needed to be asked? What is the cognitive thought-process that needs to happen? How do we synthetically generate a moment in which we are able to see the truth and how it fits with the whole picture? Is it possible to make a moment of clarity? And if so, how?

Sometimes the answer isn’t where you’d expect it to be, it may not even been where you hoped it would be… sometimes you’ve known the answer all along, but it took something from outside to point it out to you.