Teaching America

To be regarded as good as those that have come before, one must be better than what we have seen. Last year's post, America is dead, was commenting on the state of affairs in this country. This year's "state of the union" address is going to be about how to move forward, where we go from here. In my own life, in order to move forward and stay on course, I always return to essence and origin. Questions like "how did I get here" and "why am I here", ultimately lead to "where do I go now?" So, how did this country get to where we are...


Well, to be frank, we've headed in this direction for quite sometime and its not a result of recent events. It is within the human condition to control our environments; businessmen sought out to control their environment and also, their capital gains--after all it is a capitalistic society. We wanted a smaller government and in that exchange, the government chose not to regulate health care, establish education and provide leadership. Communist and socialist societies were the first to establish universal health care, it does not allow for a doctor to make more money from his craft than another doctor, but it is overseen by a group or faction. Comparatively, a drug company can't charge more for a "better" drug but the government sets a higher standard to the drugs produced. Whether its good or bad, our the health care is regulated (in some small form) by the government. Here, in our democracy, they are regulated by the FDA, FCC and other such associations. But the problem with this system is, it asks for the absolute bare minimum. Don't kill the patient (or rather... client or consumer), and every other side effect is okay. "Above minimum", for drugs, is a bit scary to think about; but further more, for lawyers, educators and doctors its even more terrifying. For context, the lawyer you're paying to represent you in a case against your former doctor (who wanted just enough on his MCATs to get into Med School) for malpractice received a score high enough to pass the BAR exam. Like the majority of professionals in this country, they were looking to get enough to average standardized tests and achieve passing grades. What those mediocre teachers did not tell you in school, if you are better than everyone else you'll be heavily rewarded. Our education system does not reflect this, we're given grades and anything above an "E" is passing. This bare minimum system has shaped the way we (meaning together, whole, more than one) are.



So why get an A? This lesson is not taught until you plan on going to college, and not as severely as the rest of the world. If that's your course of action, then your performance matters enough to drive you criminally insane. [History Lesson/Sidebar: Hilter didn't have the "grades" to get into Art school and look how well he turned out.] "Oh, you want to get into the best schools, GREAT! How's your GPA? SAT? ACT?" So now, at the average age of 14, you're encouraged to change the way you've gone through academics your entire life, now you've got to motivate yourself to be the best--on your own. That's great and all, but a little too late. I mean, you've never had to do that before; and when you were the best, did you get anything for it? Not likely. The system is designed to separate those that can motivate themselves from those that cannot (the great American lesson), instead of motivating every student individually. What ever happened to encouraging students to do what they wanted to do? So what do you get, a high school diploma that says "you received (at least) the bare minimum? Thanks, but no thanks. The education system should encourage finding your passion and feeding that fire, instead of making you into a mark on a state score sheet.

To their credit, universities do have a personal statement portion of their application. That saves them, somewhat, from having to deal with hordes of bare minimum prospects (but then again, a focused two weeks could pump out a pretty good/coherent pile of bullshit if I really put my efforts to it.) The problem is, this is the first time we're asked what we want to do, academically. That's why the personal statement becomes the most difficult part of the entry, instead of the easiest.

"Wait, what do you mean? What do I want to do?"

So you see our mediocrity, as a nation, is a result of our education system. This may sound a bit communist, or socialist, but Russia is still expanding their transit system and building more public spaces. And the Japanese, well, they're driving their universally health-cared ass in 70+ mpg vehicles. Other than flying to the moon and being a "backward" country, do you know what else they have in common? A government that will pay students for going to school... if you can get into the university.

Do Good

It’s been a while since I've written and I apologize for that, I've been staying pretty busy. I put down couple of concepts for movies and kicked off a few things. The start of school is just around the corner and I see that train coming when I close my eyes, the only thing I can do is knuckle up and prepare. So, consider this the calm before the storm, a little ode to education.

I read a quote today… well I read quotes everyday, but I’d like to share this one. “The eyes of the future are looking back at us and they are praying for us to see beyond our own time.” [Terry Tempest Williams] Take a moment to digest that… I should repeat it for good measure, but that’s not necessary. I kinda handicapped myself, because the point of a quote is to state your claim in one shot and not have to say anything else. But I vow never to be speechless so…

In whatever you choose to do in life, think about the future of this world. I was having a discussion with one of my friends… about something materialistic, commenting of the value of a product and the company it represents—it was about clothing, anti-sweatshops and buying genuine. And my other friend, not the one I was directly speaking to, says “Carl, you complain too much.” I’m aware of this, I know… but it’s because I see so much room for improvement, so much potential never actualized. It’s really quite depressing when I think about it, so maybe my defense mechanism is to complain. I ended up responding with “The world isn’t perfect.” And he quickly said “exactly!” I looked at him and said “how can you expect to change anything when you don’t know what’s wrong?” My choice of words may have been a bit off, perhaps “wrong” was not the right word to use. But that’s what I said and there was no conversation after that. And I chose not to follow through.

That choice… well let’s just say it’s lost potential. I wanted to look at him, like I was burning a hole past the innocently guilty, and beg for him to believe he can change the world. I’d never ask anyone to be on a mission alone, and this “change the world” is no exception.

At the Chicago Architecture Foundation, my 9-to-5, we took the internship high school students to the Apple Computer store on Michigan Ave [they intern at Architecture Firms, some pretty big names too]. They gave us a great lecture of business and design, how to integrate both. It was good for the students, to finally realize when a client approaches them with a design problem and how they convert that into Architecture. The presenter left us with a commercial and I’d like to share it with all of you. [Thanks for the great network of www.youtube.com for this one]



I’d like to highlight that last bit… “Because the people, who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” Many wishfully look to the heavens and say “Save Me” [to the tune of Cartel’s song of the same name], but instead of waiting to be saved why can’t you be a saviour to the future, and the rest of this world.

Hunger

As you probably [hopefully] already know, a great number of intelligent beings have graced the surface of this planet. [Galileo, Newton, and Einstein, just to name a few (not undermining Copernicus, Descartes, Freud, or anyone one else for that matter)] Each of these great individuals has left something behind. It is within human nature to record what we discover, cave paintings and this blog is pure example of this.

Some people have made the comment: there is nothing left to build because all the styles in architecture have already been processed. Furthermore, some people have said that there is nothing left to discover, because someone has already discovered it. This is when innovation is of the utmost importance. As an argument for the attainment of knowledge, by knowing what has already been done can we truly reach a higher tier. Often times, the student surpasses the teacher; after learning everything the teacher has to offer, isn’t it just obvious that one would reach beyond their scope? Socrates was a great teacher, but Plato was a great student. All great scholars left text, records and materials. Why do we have history courses? Why is it that in every course of study taken anywhere, on anything, we study the past? In physics, we study Newton’s three laws. In philosophy, we study Aristotle’s Ethics. Our nation (and all nations), poised in a position to grow, must learn the teachings of the past.

Why? Because we have this luxury; in America, and other first world countries, we are not concerned with our basic survival. Here, it’s almost taken for granted. The majority of us don’t need to worry about our next meal. America’s biggest question is… should I go to McDonald’s or Burger King. In hopes to help our fellow human race, we must understand the conclusions made in the past and move forward through innovation. I may have not figured out why we need to be together, but I believe to fully reach our potential as a human race we need to be on the same page. I believe there is one goal, and it requires one team... or else we’re just competing against ourselves.

Don't Complain

Upon completion of this introduction to fiction writing class, I have learned quite a bit. Of course I've learned about fiction writing, as was expected. What wasn’t expected was the actualization of a theory. We complain about what we see, or don’t see, in ourselves

Over the course of the last few months, I've kept an open ear to comments about my writing. This is what happens in a workshop class. Most of the students gave great critiques and they are much appreciated. Now looking back at the work that needs to be turned in for my portfolio, I find myself realizing the only comments I made to people were pertaining to something I usually do, or something that I wish I could do.

For example: to another student, I wrote they need to express more visual detail or else the reader isn’t allowed to image what is happening, it doesn’t play like a movie in the audience’s head. When it came time to write my own story, guess what was missing… the details. I wrote a story involving a masquerade ball [you’ll get details of this in due time] and yeah I described the mask but they didn’t jump off the page. When I read through the critiques of my story, people made genuine comments… and I noticed when they thought something didn’t quite work out right or wasn’t described in the best fashion, they wanted it to be described in the language they usually use or a language they wanted to use. Someone commented on my sentence structure and how I stuck to a particular style. Well, that person just happens to have the same style when they write. It appears I am not the only one that is hypocritical.

If you don’t believe me, think about when you complain about something. Is the complaint merely about yourself and you’re just projecting it onto something else? Someone was going on a tirade about how they hate people who can’t talk shit to another’s face [or have the balls to say something to a specific person, merely beating around the bush], and what do you know… that same someone just comments on their away message (for aim) [but then again, there’s always another side of the story…]. Hypocritical, I know, but I have yet to see someone who isn’t at one point or another… don’t think you’re not part of this too. Practice what you preach. Or… [see title]

Still [Only] Human

Hey all, how’s everyone doing? Man… I don’t know if y’all saw that a few days ago, but I posted when I was intoxicated. You know there’s that little warning, do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of alcohol or any other drug… yeah… my blog should be in included. After much deliberation, sober, I chose to take it down. Don’t worry; it’s not a post that is completely lost. I will be discussing it later tonight. It was about my retirement and I preferred it be presented in a more honorable manner, such a delicate situation deserves that.

Today, including tonight is all about being human. Someone once said to me... “Carl, are you sure you’re still human?” And I kinda laughed it off… but underneath it all it was like I was becoming a machine; like I was losing my humanity. I cannot be detached from a race that I’m trying to protect and better. I can’t lose being human. Clearly, I’m not divine so I need to prove that I’m not a machine. So here comes the question, can I change myself? Can I better myself? Even of the most advanced machines today cannot notice their own flaws and improve themselves. And that there is key, noticing one’s own flaws. How can you better yourself if you don’t know what you lack? Furthermore, how can I preach something that I don’t even do myself? And yes, there have been times where I was a particular way and I changed it. And along with many great human things, no one was available to witness it in its entirety. So, how do I lead by example when there is no example?

I, of course, already know the answer [or else I wouldn’t be here talking about it]. I feel as though I lack in the reading department. I don’t believe I’ve read enough; yes, I read books from class, but books from class don’t nearly cover as much as I should have read. And yeah, I read stuff about philosophy and about architecture, and I’m in tune with poetry and various amounts of literature. But I’m still lacking in the reading department. I don’t read enough, period; there’s no doubt about it. So to be more well-read, I am taking it upon myself to read more. It’s far easier to change oneself, than to change another. So instead of waiting for someone to make me read [like all those that have tried before], I am going to pick a book up on my own and lead by example. As this blog is a promise to me, and I don’t know how y’all can check on me, but I hope that you will begin to notice the change… hopefully references to novels and plays as well as music and movies will begin to appear. But wait, there’s more. It appears there’s an obligation from the audience.

Simply, I ask for material. How can I be well rounded without hearing from various sources? I have spoken to my closest avid readers and requested a comprehensive list, I hope this list varies as much as the character of these individuals I have asked. Even with this, it is not going to be enough. If you have a suggestion, please never hesitate to present it here. I wait with a willing mind and open hands.

Hungry For More

Guess who’s back, and in full effect? Yeah, that’s right. And honestly, it’s good to be back. Many people were asking how the break was and this and dat, and I must say, the break was kinda long. That’s probably due to the fact that I did next to nothing during the break, yeah… me, do nothing… yeah it was kinda rough. But I’m here now, and that’s all that matters. [I’ll fill ya in on the details of the break later… maybe… if it’s relevant]

I had two classes today; my philosophy class was the later one. The first day of this class was rather simple, mostly stuff like: this is the syllabus, this is what we want to achieve in the course. It’s more of a writer’s course, course level 400 something. No actual discussion today, so I won’t bore you with that… moving onto the earlier part of the day. Oh Yeah!

Architecture started at 10:00 this morning, and it was AWESOME! Jumped right in saddle, the professor provided an excellent introduction to the course and its material. He hit a lot of key points that I was rolling over last semester… some of the stuff I've already talked about. Things like what we do as a profession of Architecture, [moving forward while looking back], Time [its importance] and more… can’t think of it right now… wanna move on. [He seems to like dissecting words and wordplay… sounds like anyone you know?] He brought one particular thing that I didn’t think so much about. [That’s the key to get on my good side. Showing me something I didn’t think of. Think that’s kinda hard?] Anyways, there was a blurb about the maintenance crew and starting anew. The link was pretty detailed and I’m not in the current state of mind to reiterate it, but I don’t know about you… but the first thing I did of the New Year was clean up. Cleaned up at home, cleaned up at the apartment, cleaned the computer, Cleaned. He made the point that there must be a clean surface before you can begin anything. And I rolled this over in my head; I've always cleaned, subconsciously, probably because my father always asked that I cleaned. Almost planting the seed that I clean to begin anew, New Year, New Project, New Semester, lots of new things going on. He also brought up Janus, the Roman God of gates, doorways and thus beginnings and ends. [Very important to Architecture] January comes from the name Janus, ending the year and beginning a new year in January, also the idea of preserving the year. Lots of ideas, I’ll probably discuss through this month. He also brought up… damn… lost transmission… brought up… hmmm… oh yeah! Friedrich Nietzsche, the “first modern” philosopher, a philosopher that blazes his own trail. [There’s another thing to get on my good side.] Now, I've read Nietzsche material before and I’m familiar with it… I just didn’t think it would be brought up. There is no belief in coincidences here. I wouldn’t doubt that some of the Nietzsche material has made me what I am today… things like not being able to make a decision without reason and blazing my own trail and thinking… making my own decision… listening to the context of a quote before judging the quote… all those things… many other things… too much to explain. An explosion on the first day… and I welcome it. Now, I talk about weedy out the crap, and only wanting the crème of the crop… this professor will remove some students… I will attempt to match this, moreover when he is absent, things like discussion and studio. For the rest of the students in my classes “what does not destroy [you/me], will make [you/me] stronger.” [If you didn’t get it, that’s a quote/idea by Nietzsche]

Behind The Falling Curtain

Hey everyone! Just finished the final, which means it’s the end of the semester… Me and the reflective kinda guy that I am, would like to take a moment to look back on the semester that just passed, can’t really know where I’m going unless I know where I've been. Many things have changed since the beginning of this semester. Made a lot of decisions, some I didn’t want to make… many I needed to make… and most I made confidently (partly because of the coin flip… shhh). Man… this is starting to sound like the end… if you’re thinking this, you’d be mistaken… this is only the beginning. I will post from my parents house as often as I develop my thoughts and ideas. If you’re still taking this as a close then let it be a closing statement to the fall semester of 2005, that should satisfy what I’m feeling right now. I hope all of you have learned something this semester, either through me personally or through this blog and the conversations that you have with others. I hope you all will tune in for the next episode. You know I’ll be here!

Hey, I know everyone doesn’t run on the semester and I don’t either… this break… hopefully Imma lay the grounds for another font. Finalize a few things on the old one, so I can get that posted up and ready to be published. I know there are many things I wanna change. Trying to be so universal and direct is difficult because there are so many different types of people in the world. It’s hard to design something that applies to all and still have something that’s uniform. It’s like I have to find something that all unique people have in common, which is sorta not possible because if they are all unique then how do they have something in common. But it’s been done, so I won’t stop until I do find something that can be related on all sides and still apply to unique individuals.

More and more I see myself as a contradiction. The more I speak, the more I contradict myself. Why is it every time that I pull from the world and apply it in a singular fashion, it becomes a contradiction? How come when I say it, it’s a contradiction; but when God does it, it’s not? I have been playing with something in my mind. [This kinda branches from that whole speaking without having to use language or saying any words] Because God is God, God can contradict without having to say any words and whatever was said by God wouldn’t be a contradiction… Maybe if God spoke God would contradict the words that are spoken? I say the world is full of separate entities and very complex, and very simple. This is a contradiction, when God does it, it’s not a contradiction. See what I’m saying? I ask the question can God make a rock that God cannot lift. If God makes it, it’s not truly a rock God cannot lift because God can do anything God wills. If God can’t make it, then that has to be incorrect because God can do anything God wills. God must be defined without limitations. It’s wrong for God to be limited, its wrong by definition of God. Just by asking the question I have presented a contradiction. I think all great philosophers that have spoken have created their own contradictions, when philosophers speak on how they have designed the world… there’s contradictions. God has created the world, and there are contradictions when we talk about the world… but the world exists. And because the world exists it’s not a contradiction. Hehheh… whirling you around in a circle yet? When the globe in your brain slows down just a little bit… tell me what you think. Imma pack up and ship myself back to my parent’s house.

For Better Business

Hey all… just wanted to check in… I’m just sitting here, not taking my finals as seriously as I should… listening to music (as always). I had a couple of different things running in my head the last few days… you’re prolly thinking, what’s else is new… but hey, that’s how I work. Anyways, lemme air out a few thoughts… maybe I could get some feedback *hint hint, wink wink* hmmm… where to begin…. Ha! I got it.

Has anyone ever made a decision on a coin flip? (Anyone else smiling? No? Maybe I’m trying too hard) I have… I've done it quite often… doing that whole Two-Face thing (ya know… Batman…?) Now it’s not always a decision of good vs. evil. I use that whole coin flip decision thing on a situation where I can see both the positives and negatives of a situation or choice. Kinda like letting the coin pick the less of the two evils, because it’s indiscriminate and not influenced by the human difficulties that I possess. Usually when I’m going to make a decision by the coin… I decide what side is going to be what option, flip the coin, catch it, and flip it over on my other hand. (If I don’t catch it or it slips or some other difficulty the options have to be reset and I have to flip again) After the coin tells me what to do, I forget about the other option… the other option doesn’t matter anymore. And whatever the coin has chosen, I have to do that. That’s the discipline.

I think a part of this is attributed to the fact that I don’t believe in coincidence. Since nothing is truly random, it’s kinda like my way of speaking to God? Or God guiding me? It’s like that whole Fate and Destiny argument I was talking about before, when I come to a fork in the road and I have to make a choice, and because I’m human, I can’t make the choice without regretting or wanting the other option or possibly just not seeing clearly, the coin would show me the way to leads me to the “better” route. So I guess the coin helps me choose the best possible route, if there is such a thing. And with this thinking, whatever the coin chooses, it’s like Fate or Destiny or God has said this is what is to happen. And how am I to argue with that?

Now, this was way of decision making was in my life before, but I started becoming vividly aware of this when I heard that some businesses run on this system. Seriously, there was an article about a business that wanted to buy out another one… and the business that was taking bids decided on a coin flip. Ain’t that some shiet? There are web pages up on Google’s search engine if you don’t believe me. (That’s one of those… ::reaches in pocket and pulls out a fact sheet::)

Now, I was talking to my Father about this… I can’t remember what it came from but he said there was another way of doing this… kinda a spin-off I suppose. He explained the whole procedure and now I present it to you. Take a sheet of paper, write yes on one side and write no on the other side. Then kinda eye where the middle is, DON’T MEASURE, and tear. This can be interchanged with the options being put on the ends and whatnot you get the point. This basically runs on the same thinking as the coin flip. Because nothing happens without reason, the side that has more is the option you take. Ha! Who thought “the side that has more” was funny… get it… more paper or more benefit. No? Ahhh y’all aren’t very fun. [That’s the problem with blogs… I don’t get initial reactions… hell I don’t’ get reactions, cuz no one responds.] Yeah, so if you don’t have a coin around and you do have a piece of paper and pen and willing to kill a sheet of paper to make a decision you could use this. I just keep a quarter [quarters because they’re bigger, easier to flip and catch… dimes are the worst]. Flip a Coin… there’s suppose to be something about businesses playing rock, paper, scissors, I just think the rules are difficult to set up between businesses and there’s took much human influence. Like you could kinda take a guess at what a person would choose and then obviously the other person is doing the same thing. And basically it’s an intangible war, until the counts comes. Hehheh… I’m calling the Better Business Bureau.

Yeah, for the installation project that was just completed… we did coin flips for the locations that many groups wanted. Made me happy, and I must say… I think everything that was decided on the coin flip went rather well… Maybe some members of the other groups would like to argue [*hint hint* I know some of you are reading…] But honestly, my group was involved in one coin flip and we lost that one… went other group… I could’ve had a huge influence on, but didn’t. Then we won the second one and I was satisfied with my newly acquired canvas. Honestly, I liked all the site locations; I believe I could’ve worked with any of them. And they all had they’re down sides to each of them. So, it was pretty ideal situations to use the coin flip. The coin flip… its great! Alright, I gotta waste a few more hours before I have to seriously study. I’ll talk to y’all laterz… possibly later tonight.

Room to breathe... ?

Hey everyone! What up! Hehheh... had the review for the installation project today. It was sweet. The Jurors were super awesome this time, they were like high quality. Not that nonsense stuff we've been exposed to, truly high quality. They all made very valid points, it was truly good. I just wish they came earlier, if we could've gotten the high caliber from the beginning it would've been grand. I'd be so much more further long... ahhh well... better late than never. Anyway... I think my review went rather well. They had a few comments against it, things I didn't consider which is what makes them awesome jurors... I love it when someone can point something out to me that I didn't even consider. Cuz... well... it's kinda hard... y'all know me... I'm over analytical and it was awesome and the jurors would point that out to me... I mean I guess I did consider it, but I didn't think it would matter... and that's what was key... is that it did matter and they made sure I was aware that it did matter. On a much higher note, they loved the other half of my project, which is even more fantastic. Yeah... yeah... I'm postin' up pictures... hold on...



[Which one do y'all think is better? Ahhh... obviously the doorway divider in the middle is the separation between left and right? Excuse the tape that was before the actual presentation... (safety measure) it holds without the tape... pictures of that later... along with Demolition!!! Hehheh... I don't think I ever fully explained the concept... well it goes something like this... the concept for the installation was to create a space that would invoke discussion and attract attention, from the Architecture Students that mindlessly walk past this area everyday. The panels are created with a 12" X 18" rectangle in mind (ex: on the right side the rectangles are 12" X 18" for one sheet each time, the change in dimensions on the left side is for pinning bigger sheets of paper;
middle section is 36" X 18" for pinning up 3 11" X 17" Vellum sheets on top of one another; also on the left side there's a 36" X 9" for pinning up 3 8.5" X 11" sheets vertically and there's a space for a 12" X 12" side of the right side for pinning up the same side. The shelves on the right side are for putting 3 dimensional objects (ie: models) the "bench" was not fully completed but handles models with ease... just not so much people... that's all because it wasn't fully completed... ran out of materials... anyways back to the concept. Yeah, I think that's pretty much it... hehheh... oh yeah, the concept was meant to remain within the boundaries of the pre-existing walls, the site receives a heavy amount of traffic, so I wanted to stay within it's borders. The jurors like the left side... from that side view it does really does grab your attention... the right side... not so much... that's what their feeling was. The dynamic shelving on top is kinda too dark and too far away... I can see where they were coming from. The point was make that from the staircase that that one close to the floor shot... yeah you don't really get grabbed into the piece at that point... and that's what they didn't like about it. I think all areas got it though.]

But yeah, that project is knocked out. Bring on the next semester! Man... I wish the rest of these other classes in this semester were over... back to work. Here are some before pictures as I'm leaving...

In the Chamber of My Mind

Hey everyone… how’s everyone doing tonight? Good, I hope. I hope all is well with you and yours. I hope everyone had a good break… even if your break was only a day long, like mine. Man… this Architecture projects is damn near getting’ the best of me. Ha! Nah but seriously… this up until 4 in the morning ain’t cool man. Then again, I can’t complain because it’s mostly all self inflicted. I don’t have to care about my project, but I do. So I spend time on it, figure that shiet out. Plus, I like it when my brains buzzing from situation to situation. Anyways… back to the topic… I think people think I’m hard to talk to… or have a difficulty giving advice to… hmmm…

So we ran into a like dilemma today in the matter of my architectural project. And I’m sittin’ there trying to figure out a solution. In our studio, we have people that are willing to put their opinion forth… or give a little suggestion. Now, I personally do love when this happens. I think people see me as just ignoring them… when I’m standing there in silence. But behind these “blank” eyes is the chaos that ensues behind my exterior. In my mind, things are going a mile a minute. When someone gives me a suggestion, there’s a rush of so many different things about the suggestion. I think so people think I’m not listening, but when I respond or speak… I believe so much development comes out that people don’t even realize themselves. It’s kinda back to the whole pre-cognition thing. I’ll say something… and the person that I said it to… they’ll get what I was saying maybe 10-15 minutes later. I think some people know that the lights are flickering on and off, information blurring through the space of my mind. And I suppose that it is awkward when someone has just finished saying something but I don’t have a response or rather say anything. I guess… people have to realize when I speak about something… I thought it thru pretty deeply. Personally, I think I thirst for another opinion, that’s why I ask all of you to post or comment or respond (*hint hint*). Man, I've been repeatedly reminded about people living in their own worlds lately.

Do we ever really know what goes on in someone’s head? What they’re thinking? Can we eve really know? I don’t think it’s a good thing to generalize people out, and talk about what their probably thinking… humans change… they’re not like set in stone. They adapt, they change… basically their different. That’s what makes humans so separate. Over seven billion people… of all the different from one another… kinda crazy, but it’s true (and nothing before but ever really matters). Wow, just felt like a ton of bricks just hit me… I’m getting’ tired… This isn’t so good, alright; I gotta get off of his… and stay busy. Until next time, I’ll be here… will you?

The Difference between Day and Night

Hey everyone, how’s everyone doing tonight? Good, I hope… Carl is back for a session from the mind.

I've realized not many individuals see me and all of my many complexities. Let’s be honest and state that many don’t care, I think this is largely due to the fact that my persona during the day is rather distasteful (at times). Well, even I think it is, so it’s gotta be. Ahhh, the difference between day and night, the way I am during the day and the way I am when the sun sets are very different individuals. During the day, I am rather confident people mistake this as arrogant. I think this is the wrong impression of me, I don’t believe I’m arrogant… I believe I’m willing to express my opinion and speak my mind (and from the heart). I think that’s the thing that keeps both sides still me. Whether its daylight or the night sky, I’m always ready to speak from my heart. It’s just how I express it, that’s different. At night, I’m not as blunt so to speak, I speak differently. Most that read my blog, receive this “voice.” My friends that I have usually aren’t people that I have in class or people that I hang out with in big crowds. I take a different tone then, when I’m in class that is. Competition turns gentlemen into animals… I don’t mean to make an individual look bad in front of a group when I notice something that they might not have thought about, it just comes off that way. I believe there is a time a place for everything, with this in mind there are times when my night side appears in the day. This usually happens when there’s a one-on-one encounter with someone. At this point, I don’t believe I have to portray my dominance, I guess… I don’t know why I do it during the day, I think a part of it can be attributed to the fact that I’m at a very cut-throat position in Architecture. I just have that tendency to keep an eye over my shoulder to see who’s listening in on my ideas… I’m pretty sure I spoke about this before… people biting off another person’s ideas; it’s a lot easier in a studio. [Then again, you can’t create a buzz in no one sees you] So I guess if people really want to get to know me, they have to notice that small change that happens or occurs during the day, and wonder more about the level of complexity that everyone has; or to catch me, along with the other owls. We, as people in the world, can’t assume anything about individuals that have the ability to change. Since we are all human, we can’t assume anything about anyone. That whole can’t judge a book by its cover, yeah… I can’t look at someone and honestly know everything about them… or monitor how they conduct themselves and know why they do it. I think that’s why people are so interesting, I enjoy meeting people… just sometimes I’m not a person that’s very meet-able, if that makes any sense. The aura that I emit during the day is different than the aura that surrounds me at night. There are small glimpses in which you can see my nocturnal nature during the day, hopefully after schooling and all that, when I've proven myself to myself, that nocturnal persona can take over; this one, the one that speaks to you now; the one that always talks to you in the late hours of the night or early hours of the morning (whichever you prefer, and whenever you prefer to read my posts). I wonder though, would my nocturnal persona reveal itself in the studio, at night? I believe it has before, but I’m not quite sure. If the room was filled with people and the sun has already set, would I be nocturnal? Only time will answer this question… year end show is coming! I’m excited; hopefully someone comes to see my work. And for those that think they know me and have only seen me in the studio… well you’d probably wouldn’t be here, so that doesn’t exactly work… anyways… I know I’m one of those people you kinda want to know about (or you gotta kinda wonder about), that’s where that level of complexity comes from… following from that is the existence of the blog. I love this blog… I promote the damn thing every chance I get… you guys should be too *hint hint* anyways… I apologize for this post is only proposing small theories and whatnot… just something I needed to get off my chest and I needed an audience that consisted more than my sketchbook. Alright, I’m out… I got kinda a headache, been kinda sick… gonna get some fluids and sleep. Out.

As the world sleeps... there's a light bulb on in Chicago.

Damn… I shouldn’t have done that… well y’all know that I haven’t been sleeping because my project was due [yesterday]… so I’ve been staying up and working on it… after class I came home and was going to watch a couple movies [yeah… that’s right… a couple meaning more than one] but I was kinda tired… so I figured I’d nap. That was a bad idea… and as I was doing it... as I was laying down… I was thinking this is a bad idea. Yeah… its 3:30 in the morning and Carl’s sleeping pattern is not completely f*cked up. But there’s an upside, I’m here… with you… well technically I’m not… but it feels like I am? Anyways…

So the review was today… and I must say it was clearly lopsided. The jurors really only liked that loud and obnoxious ones (masks… that is). There were roughly two people that thoroughly enjoyed the small and detailed ones… but most of the detailed ones got no love. I also only presented 2/3’s of my mask… I didn’t have enough time to put on the entire thing, I didn’t know we’d only have less than 4 mins to strap up the mask… mine is the only one of that design… completely adjustable… so as I moved it to different people I’d have to account for that. Now, what I could’ve done was, I could’ve had it so it was already pre-fitted… but I was forced to work on it. So based on those two factors… I didn’t get very much love on presentation day… it’s okay it just makes my decision to not work for a big firm a little bit clearer. I said something to my partner (for the mask project) during the presentation… something along the lines of “if you look at all the things SOM (Skidmore, Owings, and Merrill) complete… all they make are loud big things… they never get any attention for small projects.” And I think it’s rather true… SOM only really gets attention for the Sears Tower, John Hancock, Durj Al Arab, et cetera. And yeah it would be cool to be on those projects… but for the rest of my career… I dunno. So part of me wants the big firms to be beggin’ for me… but the other half wants to do small projects and do passion pieces. As it would seem… I’d prolly be doing both… which would be kinda cool. Hehheh… imagined me signed at two firms… Ooo now there’s an idea. Signed to a big firm… but own my own firm… only drawback it would be spreading me out… and unable to focus… knocking out an 80 hour week. That would be pretty rough… but still appealing. I wonder how many of my fellow architecture students would honestly find that appealing… seriously some kids just shouldn’t be here. That especially should out when the jurors asked “so what was your concept with this… why did you do that” and we heard answers like “I thought it looked cool / it was found by mistake / it was suggested by someone else” ::shakes his head:: get the f*ck outta architecture… please… wasting my professors time. I think there are far too many graduates in our Architecture school… and granted only about 20-30 pass the Architecture License Test… I just wish it wasn’t a business (school, that is). I think the amount of graduates should be equal to the amount of professors in the program. Example: there was 6 in first year, there’s 6(?) second year… so at least 12 graduates plus the amount of professors for the next two years. And some professors do more than one year, Douglas Garofalo (this guy’s like one of Architecture’s Top Architects [the next big thing]. He gotta be a machine... seriously… owns his own firm... and teaches 2 grads and I think 3 undergrads… not to mention administration stuff.) So with that in account the total would be slightly move down. So roughly under 30 graduates… which is about equal to the amount of students that are accepted into a grad school anyway (less than 20 at UIC and partially taught by Douglas Garofalo). So my goal is to cut down my class size. I don’t want to be part of a graduating class of 70. I think that would be an incorrect representation of actual Architects… but that’s prolly suppose to help out how the graduates look. But back to the proposed idea… this would ensure that the professors’ time isn’t spread out and wasted on someone that isn’t going to develop into an architect. It would also force the industry to keep pushing the bar in all areas of development… if all the schools only allowed a 1:1 ratio of students then that core of students really belong in the industry and are innovative, (overly) creative, and always the crème of the crop. It would also help the number of Architects never to over inflate. I can see how graduate school already does that… but the amount of bachelor degrees in Architecture still should be cut down. If I get very high administratively involved in Architecture School… definitely going to pinch that idea over the water cooler… maybe a little bit more formal than that.

Man… I wish I could post for often… but I really only post when I got something to say… or something is on my mind… hehheh… Sean Paul’s “Never Gonna Be The Same” just came on. [pausing for a moment of silence]. Alright, I’m back… I would post more… if I my body didn’t demand sleep for me to be completely functional. I’ll work on dat, make a consensus effort, I promise [so you know it’s true]. But right now…y’all… Imma go watch a movie (or a couple of movies) or something… till class at 10. First up, the Interpreter… then some Unleashed… then some Batman… order subject to change. Out.

ps. did you figure out the title means? Light bulb as in idea in the mind... c'mon y'all... pick up the slack.

Death

My bad for not posting up last night… I was way too tired for that. Anyways I’m here now, so everyone gather ‘round… Carl’s got something to say.

First off (in response to Steak’s Comment on my last post because it’s relevant here) “yeah... I can see it that way... I just seems when everyone lays down to rest (or even when they lay and look up at the ceiling) … they’re dissatisfied with the life they lived. They always seem like they want to do something that they didn’t. I guess me being so analytical, I can make a choice and then be completely satisfied with it… because I know why I made the choices I made. [Or make choices and understand why I made them] And if I made a mistake… I’m willing to accept my own apologizes for those mistakes. And not to sound too bold… but I think my expectations match my ambitions, and those are pretty high. So for me to be satisfied with my life, I’d have to meet my expectations. [Not having someone here in front of me… I can’t really tell if this is making any sense (that’s why I take a philosophy courses… to make things make sense)… eh… it makes sense to me.] Alright now… back to the topic that I wanted to talk about yesterday…

I took a course in Death and it was a good course. It was a philosophy course and its main focus was the phenomenon… why it happens? ….what happens? …what happens afterwards? Those were the questions that were raised (and never really answered because no one has actually given a first person account of it). I took the class, because I never really dealt with it before… seriously… I just didn’t know anyone close enough to feel the impact of their death. My grandmother passed away when I was way younger… so I can’t really bring the “memory” of what it meant to me. I think I’ve gone so far as to construct a scene in my mind that consists of a coffin, rain, and yellow roses… but I’m not so sure how accurate that really is. The class also brought cases of channeling and mediums, which raised many questions for me. Mediums and people that channel, they always have someone to bring forth to talk to the individual that’s looking for answers… I’ve always wondered who would come forth to speak to me… when I was “at the pearly gates, God let me in” [The Game, Tony Yayo – Runnin’]. I wanted to go see a medium or someone that channels and I couldn’t, not very popular in Chicago… I guess. I made the conclusion that, we are always watched and therefore must try to impress, but that raised the question… who do I have to impress? And I answered that with something that resembles “my angels are here on this plain… those are the individuals that I need to impress,” this idea keeps me striving for better… that and my belief in God. But not like Christians… more like Descartes. [Yes, I know Descartes was Christian; but he never spoke of Jesus (that’s my difficulty with Christianity) in his writings… just God]

Well… that book of knowledge is nothing compared to experience. I had to deal with Death last week. Two people, I knew, passed away. The first was a friend of mine… we weren’t like really-really tight, but I knew him well enough to shed a tear during his service. A couple of hours before his passing… we were at a party. And although I didn’t see him on a consistent basis… it was good to see him again (along with all the other faces that I missed seeing). When I left the party (Sunday [Early] Morning), I told him I’d see him again… figured it would be a while because I’m here at school… pretty much took it for granted. Little did I know… the next time I would see him… he would be in his casket. He passed away only a few hours after I left the party… something happened on his way home (not going to get into the details, it’s not the place for that). Not to over shadow my friend’s passing… my friend’s (different person) father passed away Monday morning. His father and I weren’t buddy-buddy, but he always asked how I was doing… and those things that adults say to students but it was different from when everyone else said it… he was always sincere… always wanted me to work hard… he will be missed. Both individuals were very young in age… it just doesn’t seem right to say something like that. I mean it’s really not nice to say something like if you’re eighty… you’re expendable… you can pass away then. But it was just unnatural for them to pass away at their ages… it just doesn’t fit right.

Death came to our circle of friends twice… I know that each one of us took it very differently. In our group, it was just a different bond for everyone… so obviously it’s going to be different for everyone. That leads to the question… what is the meaning of life. I believe it is to fulfill a purpose… ya really don’t even have to realize what the purpose is… I think it gets completed and then ya pass away. This answer solves that whole question about time… why we pass away when we do? But raises a bigger question… if we all have a purpose… what’s the point of the human race as a whole? Progress? What’s the point of progress when there isn’t going to be life forever? My Death professor made that comment to me… the more knowledge we attain, the more questions we have. I still stand by my idea that our purpose of life is to fulfill our purpose, whatever it may be. Whatever our purpose is… we (as a human race) will progress… what happens after that… I really haven’t thought about it… I’m sure I’ll get back on that subject sometime soon… hopefully… Well as it would seem… it’s late… and I’ve run out of things to say… but I know there was more… I know I’ll revisit this subject again… maybe progress will be made…

I'm glad I'm not one of those in the field

So the font project is done... and I'm still working on it (well I didn't today or yesterday), but I'm still working on it... why? Because I'm getting published. Yeah, that's right. ::"I Made This" taunting:: After the presentations, I talked to one of the guest graphic designers and asked him... "Tell me the truth, how far am I from publishing it" and he hit with me something along the lines of put it on the computer, get a font builder [and the most memorable part of the conversation] make sure I get a copy. Oh yeah! How sweet is that? Everything is on the up and up... it’s like everything I touch transforms to platinum and diamonds. I hope this special power doesn't run out until I finally lay down to rest. But that's a story for another day. But I have a downer to hamper my mood, that design for the T-Shirt for the school... yeah not gonna happen. I was unaware of the fact that the design was due on Tuesday and well I wasn't going to trade a T-Shirt design (that's extra) for my font (that's my project and has my name virtually attached to it). It's all good though, if they didn't like the entries... I'm pretty sure they'll just open it up for more designs. Either way, I'll get my t-shirt made--whether it be by permission or if I have to do it guerilla style. Oh how nice... moves right into my next topic.

I was talking to a friend of mine [who will rename nameless for universality], and I said this:

I'm just really glad... I'm not like those stereotypical art students who think they know what an art student is and act a certain way
....
with the crazy hair and funky clothes without brains and might as well be hot pink cows with purple poka-dots
...
just moo-ing along

And I mean that, what's up with this posers. Lemme get on my stand a flame a few individuals tonight. Honestly... daily... I see individuals who think they're artists but when it comes down to it... they can't even grasp what it means to truly be an artist. And I mean any art form whether it be, acting, architecture, graphic designing, musician, painting, sculpting, writer, et cetera. All areas of art are clouded by posers who have no integrity or honesty. They act a certain way because they believe "to be an art student, one has to dress this way or speak this way," when in reality, it's the other way around... it just happens. If you got it, then you got it... if you don't, no one can teach it to you. [If you got it, some teachers can bring it out; but if you don't got it, they can't get it to you] Most of art school is understanding one's own style, and if that's the case, then why do we have so many that are just trying to follow the pack, catch the heat from someone else's spark. Now, much of this is due to the natural progress of most artistic individuals. Most artists do end up designing their own clothing, which is understandable sometimes what you need is not what's in your closet at that moment... so they're forced to make it. What I want to say with my clothing just isn't out in the market right now... so I will have to start designing my own. [I'll keep y'all update on that as well.] Honesty... and Integrity... that's what is missing in these stereotypical art students... whining how they can't get accepted in society because they're an art student... or dress a certain way, because this is how an art student dresses. Remember its not how you look that's being judged by the rest of the world, it's your art work that's in the lime light and under the interrogation lamp. Perfect example of this would be Project Runaway and the winner of that. I can't remember the designers name (much like how most art is... unless you're really really epic), but I can remember his clothing line. Since he was on T.V., we saw how "different" he was... his crazy dress style and the like. But when it came down to actual design and the final day... what did he say? "Let's let the line speak for itself." Yeah, he came out with his hot pink hat and suit on but hey he made the hat. Be who you are... not what you think you're suppose to be... cuz you'll only get it wrong. If this sounds like a subliminal message to all those people that look into the mirror and see what I'm talking about; please do me a favor and don't waste my (or someone else's) teacher's time. You're the reason why there is so much fluff is most art forms nowadays, you and your predecessors are the reason for architecture falling short and movies that just plain suck. Granted, some are the result of failed execution, but if the idea/concept wasn't there in the beginning then there's nothing to try and capture. For the rest of you true art students please do what Mike Shinoda [Linkin Park - Step Up] did, for the rock/hip-hop genre, in your own genres. I know I'll be blazing my own trail [hopefully, doing it in my own designed clothes and never to a conformed style].

geez... 21 was a long time ago.

The font is done... well it's as done as it going to be for tomorrow's presentation. I think its enough to get a consideration on publication, now wouldn't that be some pimp shiet! Second Year in Architecture School and gettin' shiet published. Oh yeah... for the people in my class or even in my school, I'm going to for the design of the T-Shirt for our school. Wish me luck, but if you're against me.... hehheh... Good Luck (I’ll be a good sport about it, unless your design just isn't all that great). Yeah, so Imma start working on that tomorrow (projects never stop with me, I hit the ground running). Anyways... back to the font, if I have to choose I’m going with the lower cases (to me, they just look better) and then if I can do both I will. But for all the pieces of work I have I’d take up the whole wall and that just isn't far. If it gets a few good comments or even if it gets a second look (by a graphic designer), imma ask if it’s worthy to get published. Then we'll see where that goes. Hopefully it'll be on the up and up. I just hope they (professors and guests, which are going to be there tomorrow) grasp the concept, which I think they will. And if they don't, it's in my sketch book and they're going to be looking through that. I know the one professor that is assigned to me, I know she gets it. And the graphic designer that came to talk to us, I think he gets it. Sorry, I'm leaving names out... I don't have consent and I don't wanna be sayin' stuff and others gettin' all bent outta shape. There's little mishaps on the hand written part of the font, but if its going to get publish I can fix those things on Photoshop (they're not hugely noticeable). Y'all should see my room, papers and all kind of shiet everywhere. But I’m too tired to clean up; I’ll clean up before I start the T-Shirt design. Oh yeah, I’m custom making my own stamp. That should be fun, custom logo and everything. Cuz well I always wanted a wax (or blood) stamp and I never like manufactured designs (they just don't have any personality), so imma make my own. Yeah, so those projects are lining up... but it's not like its work because I like doing it and its all stuff I want done.

[Man, I just lost my post this is where it was recovered]

Anyway... imma try and salvage my thought about what I was talking about. I was discussing birthday (before my post got lost). This is what I posted on my cuz's friend's blog (as a comment):

even though you're birthday goes unnoticed, don't feel bad. I think to myself, my birth was not a blessing to me (really). It was more of a blessing to my parents... they wanted me to be here. People always say... yeah you're a year older, but that doesn't really say anything about how much you've developed. On my birthday, I think to myself what got me here to this date. I think about my parents, my closest cousins (Tony, Janet, and Kim), their parents, and all the people that I’ve come across to this date. Nothing happens in a person's day that doesn't affect them in some way shape or form. I know it's great to get an awesome birthday, but don't be bummed if ya don't. I just like it when my parents remember my birthday... it's when I first came into their lives and not the other way around.

Yeah... that's my view of it... I've never really had like a huge birthday bash kinda thing going, I think I had one when I was a kid and only child but I can't remember much of that. When I was in a relationship, she always gave it her all to make it a great day. But other than those instances it's usually just me celebrating other's birthdays... just doesn't matter to me much. I'd be kinda upset it my parents didn't take notice, but it's their day and they'll celebrate it anyway they want. I'm turning 21 this year and everyone is like oh you gotta go here or you gotta go there and I dunno... that would be cool but do I have to go for my birthday? Shouldn't I be home with the ones that brought me into this world, and let them enjoy how much I've grown? Instead of running around and growing up faster than I probably should. I think I’m pretty grown up, but I'd rather show that off to my parents than to my friends and whatever else they can get me into. Now if the home situation isn't the greatest, then yeah so celebrate it with the ones that will appreciate it or wanna do something for ya. That's all cool and all that, but lemme get some home cookin' or a nice conversation or some fond memories and I’m good to go. Anyway y'all, I’m out... I gotta hit up Kinko’s in the morning to print out some 11X17's (those crazy professors).

Music dictates Life?

Ooooh... I'm tired. Hehheh, I worked on the font today. Ya know cuz I wasn't really satisfied with the quality of it and the materials I used, so I went to my fall back material and re-did what I had done for last Thursday (except the numbers, Imma throw in the punctuation points on the same page). So today, I finished the CAPs again and damn... I came out with a sexy "O." Now if you don't think an "O" can be sexy, well you haven't seen this "O." I'm a little unsatisfied with my "W," it's alright. My "H" could be sexier, same with the "B." I had a nice touch on the "U," but it's not noticeable until you walk up to it (which could be a good or bad thing-pending Tuesday). I changed up my "Z," it wasn't sittin' right. I changed my "S" back to what it should've always been. Sorry, y'all can't see what I'm talking about... Imma post images later. Anyway that's not what I wanted to talk about. Moving onto the topic (::psst::... y'all aren't commenting... Maybe no one is reading...?).

As I'm sitting here at 3:45 AM blaring my Maroon 5 "She Will Be Loved," I thought I might share my thoughts about music... what I listen to, what are the favs, why I listen to it and a theory about listening to music. Anyways... I would say that I listen to everything, and it's not like everything excluding country, blues, and jazz. Whoever says they listen to everything and excludes that... is obviously not listening to everything. Yeah, I rock out my country (when the mood is right) same with the rest of my music. I will listen to Rap, Hip-Hop, R&B, Pop, Rock (Metal, Alternative, Punk... and more-just can't think of it right now)... et cetera... everything-truly everything. My cuz, Steak, would say I listen to everything that's on T.V. I would argue that's not true, because I have listened to a lot of stuff before it hits T.V. (10 steps ahead of the average) and even stuff that probably won't hit T.V. Now... I listen to all forms of music and (oh shiet, I forgot techno... hehheh) at various amounts at different times. Sometimes, I'll change styles during the day. Sometimes I'll go whole weeks listening to the same thing. My computer is set to turn on music for my alarm; the music doesn't stop in my room. Now, I wouldn't say I have an all-time single favorite because sometimes I'm not in the mood for whatever my favorite might be. Now, I have a group that I have a lot of songs that I like and that's Linkin Park [LPUnderground here, DragonRomeo]. They satisfy many different needs at the same time even though they have their own sound.... now DMX is another story. I like DMX because it's pure Rap and he has many songs that I like. So technically, those are favorites but sometimes I don't wanna hear them... so they're not favorites. Now there's a reason to why I listen to so much different music and it goes hand-in-hand with my theory of music. It think it is universally understood that Life dictates Music, right? If you consider that music is written by people, usually about life (whether it be theirs or something they see), then music would be an account of real-life. Yes, I understand the concept of telling a story... either way it's about life. Not to rip from Staind "Zoe Jane," I think they [musicians] can teach me everything that they've endured... and with the lyrics I can either relate to my own experiences or even [possibly?] prepare for something coming. So I guess music gives me a far warning for things to come in this life. Granted... sometimes I may never endure some situations, but I may come across a person that doesn't know how to deal with a situation and I can provide some help because I've heard the situation before [kinda the reason why I know many things about relationships, having been in very few, but many musicians sing/rap/or whatever style you want about relationships.] And I understand that it doesn't always come out the exactly how the song said, but it is possible that the result will come out the same way. Now, back to that whole idea of Life dictating Music. Is it possible that Music dictated Life? Have you ever heard a song that meant nothing to you when you first heard it [maybe the instruments or beats caught you, but the words never set in]... then somewhere down the line of life you needed to hear the song just to hear what it said, just to see if it was telling your story (almost like a subliminal message)? With those premises [Hearing a song before the event, event happens and need to hear the song], could it be possible that you made (chose) your life story go [as if it was planned] in the same direction as the song? [Now, I know some people will deliberately do that... and we call them actors or drama queens/kings.] I believe it can, I believe it is possible that Music [unconsciously or even consciously] dictates Life. Just to play Devil's Advocate against myself, it is possible that an individual was set on that course already and hearing the song prior to the event/situation then hearing the song again (now that the individual can relate to it) is merely coincidence. Then what do we do with the songs that come out brand new, at the same time the event/situation is happening (further still, it has been on the radio for 3 months but you only hear after then event/situation happens)? More coincidence...? C’mon now... after a while some one needs a swift kick and realize that everything that happens is not a coincidence. I mean this is what I believe, and obviously you're free to believe whatever your lil' heart desires... if you want to believe that you've gotten 7 tickets and 3 accidents and you're licensed revoked [more than likely not to have an insurance until the age of 21/23] is just you having some bad luck and NOT because you shouldn't be driving or because something might seriously happen or you've been driving for the wrong reasons. Well, I can't help you. I can be that exact with that example, because well... I'm the dumbass that had 7 tickets and 3 accidents [yeah I know... I heard it before; I don't need to you remind me-but thank you]. Back off the tangent and back into the discussion (with myself...?), Music Dictating Life and is it possible? Musical (subliminal) messages? Everything happens for a reason? Many things to consider... but its 4:37 people and well I'm forced to get some sleep... before I fall asleep and have these keys imprinted in my forehead.

[untitled]...

Yeah! I got a lil attention of my cousin's blog... I thought that was pretty cool. Tonight was kinda laid back, I wanted to hit up my font work again and make it as close to perfect as I can get it for Tuesday. ::psst::... I'm shooting for it to get published. Yeah... I know... high ambitions, I heard it before. But I got this. It doesn't have to be published on Tuesday; I just want to make sure that the graphic designers will consider it. Then I’ll run with the idea, I’m sure they'll help out with that extended knowledge on how to publish a font. Yeah... but I didn't work on it today, I wanted to... ran outta materials. Went to the store and it was out of materials as well... disappointing I know. I probably could've gone earlier, but my buddy was up from the burgs on a visit. And when he went, then I went to the art store. I wanted to spend a lil time with friends and I got all weekend, mostly Sunday night. I got to go to the parent's house and see my lil bro after this first football game (they won by the way, in case you were wonderin'). I got to take a few photos and incorp my word (that I chose for the font) into the picture. The word I chose was/is my title for the font, sorry I’m a little vague, gotta cover my own ass make sure no one rips my idea ya know. Cuz even though I don't care about the famous dollars, some people don't care about professional courtesy. So they'll rip someone else idea cuz they can't think of their own. "Blaze your own trail" (adjusted from Papa Roach's "Not Listening" [Verse 2]).

Today... I was gonna just lay back and light a few candles and indulge in my silence and artistic freedom... but I didn't, eh, it's all gravy it wasn't that much needed. I just watched Crash instead. I thought that movie was great (or else I wouldn't have bought it although I do a blind buy every now and again), but I can see why some people wouldn't like it.

Oh! You know what I wanted to talk about or well at least say... you know how people say that you held this information from me so therefore you lied to me. And I was thinking is it really lying if it never crossed my head. That's like saying I didn't tell you I was breathing, but because I didn't tell you I’m lying about breathing. Ya know what I’m tryin' to say? You can't be held responsible for something you're not consciously aware of, right? How did this question come about.............. Oh! I remember now, I keep certain things to myself and so when I don't convey them or talk about them... am I lying to everyone, because I haven't said that I’ve been doing it? For example, you go somewhere frequently and you see someone over and over again and you think you know them pretty well. Then you find out that they're like married or something, and you think they're lying to you. Can that be considered lying? If it never crossed their mind that they needed to tell you that? Person 1 "well you never said that, you lied to me" Person 2 "I never said I did or never said I didn't." And yeah, I understand that if you think about it and it relates and you don't say it... then of course that can be counted as lying. Say Person 1 is out late then goes straight to work in the morning and Person 2 is upset about Person 1 not coming home. When the argument starts over where Person 1 was and Person 1 says "I was out late, and then I went straight to work," then Person 2 finds out that Person 1 was in a certain place. Half the truth is half a lie. But about the example before, it's really the full truth. Now I’m not going to sit here and detail out everything of my activities, and with that you can't say I’m lying to you about what I’m doing. Unless you want to hold me responsible for something I'm not aware that I had to say. Does that make sense to everyone out there... let's hope so? I'll post of a little bit later, gonna get some sleep tonight... I got some stuff to do tomorrow.