Witness The Rebirth!

Yesterday, I went through a series of logic and introspection... because, you see, I haven't been marketing Witness The Rebirth and Lil Biggz as well as I think I could. Not really sure what's holding me back, but a fear of falling is probably in there somewhere. But I know if I hesitate and don't express it as much as possible, I'm already failing. It's a much disservice I'm providing by make it more difficult to find. So, from this point forward, this blog will see more posts about the other projects I'm doing. [Do you think that's diverging from the essence?] I'd hate to make it anything goes here... but wouldn't be nice to have one place for the breadth of my work? I need to get my own domain!

I Wanna Tell You Something

Especially this season...
I know most are a bit busier and things get away from us, but I wanted to remind everyone of the season. Flying solo through the holidays always has a bit of turbulence, but it doesn't have to. Enjoy your friends and family, keep them close. And if you have someone significant, let them know. Sometimes you shouldn't wait.

***

Alicia Keys - Tell You Something [Nana's Reprise]

Get so caught up everyday
Tryna keep it all together
While the time, it slips away
You see I know nothing last forever

Imagine there was no tomorrow
Imagine that I couldn't see your face
There would be no limit to my sorrow
So all I can say

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait till it's too late

I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait
I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait (won't wait till it's too late)

Just a simple conversation
Just a moment is all it takes
I wanna be there just to listen
(I wanna be here)
And I don't wanna hesitate

Imagine there was no tomorrow
Imagine that I couldn't see your face
There would be no limit to my sorrow
'cause there's nothing that could fill that space
I don't wanna put it off for too long
I didn't say all that I had to say
I wanna take my time and right the wrong, before we get to that place

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait till it's too late

Just lean on my shoulder,
It's not over till it's over
Don't worry about it, cause
I'm gonna make sure our bond gets stronger
I don't wanna wait till the storm and something wrong and now you're gone and I can't find you

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait till it's too late

I wanna tell you something, give you something
Show you in so many ways
'cause it would all mean nothing if I don't say something before it all goes away
Don't wanna wait to bring you flowers, waste another hour let alone another day
I'm gonna tell you something, show you something, won't wait till it's too late

I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait (won't wait till it's too late)
I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait
I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait (won't wait till it's too late)
I can't wait, I can't wait, I won't wait, I don't wanna wait

***

Happy Holidays!

The Good Life

Hey! Take a seat; let me talk to you about something. I know you see me out here, talking a lot about money and this and that. Plenty about material items and you wonder what happened to “it’s not about the money.” Give me a chance to explain. What I’m looking for, well… its peace through success.

It’s difficult to understand that the world is a beautiful place when all you see is people suffering. But people keep telling me this. So now I’m trying to see that. I know there are other issues I could be sitting here worry about. I can’t get distracted by things outside of me, when I dwell on things inside of me. But let me put it to you like this, maybe I could solve the issues I have internally after I solve my external issues. I look at it like this, I have so many people around me that really want to put a good message out in the world and their biggest problem… is money. So let me take away that problem. Yes, it’s good for the roses when it rains... but it’s difficult when it’s always the same.

I’m trying to find out if you really do you see “things clearer through Marc Jacob shades?” Do you really “sleep better knowing you’re going to wake up paid?” [Fabolous, Lloyd – Real Playa Like]

What does it feel like to “pop champagne on a plane?” I already know that “having money isn’t everything, but not having it, is.” [Kanye West, T-Pain – The Good Life]

I’m trying to follow “The Blueprint” to understand that “life is just a beach chair.” I know that there’s “business around corner where the sun don’t shine.” But I’m trying to “let the wheels give a glimpse of hope from one’s grind.” I want to feel the difference between a regular vacation and a permanent one. [Jay-Z, Chris Martin – Beach Chair]

I have goals to change the world and it takes money to do that.
I will “do good” with this money.

Hanged

Hey all, sorry I've been MIA, but I’m back. “Coincidence? I think not.” This Linkin Park CD comes at a good time for me, as their CDs always have. Their sound is different, but I find it still calming. Initially, I like “Leave Out All The Rest,” “Shadow Of The Day,” and “Hands Held High,” as my top favorites. That’s just my little shout-out, moving forward.

Recently, I just got into a discussion about self-sacrifice. We were talking about Spider-Man 3 and how as an attribute of an individual willing to self-sacrifice, that individual doesn’t ask for any help. They just bear the weight of the world on their shoulders, ask no questions and take no aid. I argued it wasn’t in Spider-Man’s character, as a self sacrifice-r to ask. You don’t see Batman asking for help, nope, he believes it’s his responsibility to do it. [He takes Robin’s aid, but only to train him, to be his successor] Thus the Spider-Man underlying theme “With great power comes great responsibility.” And this is because no one else is going to do it. Then, due to recent events, I was under the belief these individuals are ultimately alone. How can these individuals be truly happy if they self-sacrifice? Is it possible to be happy when you know the world isn’t? And if you’re never happy, can you achieve oneness with someone?

I think it is possible, but difficult. The only marriages I see ever lasting are those individuals that are fans of one another. [Maybe this is obvious to everyone else, but I just didn’t get it.] I think to truly be with someone, you have to be their fan first. You have to be into what they do. Beyond their exterior, doesn’t a person’s essence make them interesting? If that individual has the same drive they did before they were in a tragic scarring accident, would you still turn to leave them because of the physical features? I think the reason why people separate after accidents or arguments is because they aren’t or don’t appear to be the same person. This leads to no longer being attracted or out-of-love; however you want to phrase it. Sorry for the tangent, but what I’m trying to say is the only way self-sacrifice-rs can be with someone is if they are fan, and that someone is a fan of them. They exist in love the same way as anyone else, that’s how they can be with someone and a self-sacrifice-r. Now if you believe this, can a self-sacrifice-r be with someone that isn’t?

But this is what I expect of myself…

“I think you’re really intelligent, but…"

“-you can’t prove it”

“don’t be so hard on your self”

“-I’m not impressed”

“you’re only a student”

“-you’re [a perceived mature age]”

“you’re just [a perceived young age]”

“-everything before ‘but’ means nothing.”

“no one expects you to be perfect”

[Above: Quotes that I have been given to me at one point or another…]

“To the pressure for success can put a good strain / On a friend you call best, and yet it could bring / Out the worst in every person; even the good—insane.” [(Nas), Jay-Z – Black Republican] Following the format of quotes, I’m beginning this blog with three lines of lyric from Jay-Z—with the hope that somewhere there is something, although truthfully I’m not sure what I’m not looking for… just the answer.

That beginning-of-a-sentence, the one at the very top of the page, is just about the most disappointing sentence that could possibly be spoken. I hope no one ever has it said to them, because they have the power to stop a person dead in their tracks. For me, I attach faces saying those words. I close my eyes and the memory wakes me, pushing me forward.

It’s true:
I know I would’ve… but I
I know I could’ve… but I
I know I should’ve… but I

“Remember, nothing before ‘but’ means anything…”

I know what it is… and I know what it isn’t. That’s what it has been, up to this point. I’m sick of being disappointed; more so, I’m sick of being disappointed with myself. And I don’t know how to change. It’s true, “pressure is not your friend,” but how do we make it go away? Is there a way of adjusting the perception so pressure is motivation? What is there to do when every where we turn, we are reminded on what we could’ve achieved but didn’t? [My mind is a prison… Am I the only one feeling this?]

There’s this phenomenon called the “Sophomore Slump,” it refers to an artist(s) high-anticipated second album falling short of the first. Does anyone have an answer to why this happens? Is it the pressure from the label on the artist? Or is it the pressure within? I’m trying not to feel so alone? But with success amongst my peers, what else am I suppose to feel? I don’t even feel like I’m doing the best I can, a part of me knows I can do better. I can be better, but how (and when)?

***

“Hov, how you get so fly” / I said from not being afraid to fall out the sky” [Jay-Z, (Chris Martin) – Beach Chair]
It would take me days to fully analyze and speak on this song… every verse has more depth than any ocean... but maybe that's the answer I've been waiting for

Get on board

So it finally appears that everyone got on that Fort Minor track “Where’d You Go?”, you know the one I was talking about back in November [http://tainteddragon.blogspot.com/2005/11/marital-status-retired-family.html, that’s the proof (November 23rd)]. It appears that everyone is finally realizing the totality of having soldiers leave to another country… I guess it takes that many people to leave for it to really start to hit home. Yeah, the video helps, I know. Don’t get it twisted; I’m not upset that many people just didn’t turn their heads to the guy standing in the middle of a city screaming at the top of his lungs. I guess I’m just speaking a world language and all everyone understands is American, sounds like a sad story… yeah I know. And I was thinking about that post, it’s got some serious meaning to me (the track that is) and like Linkin Park’s track “In the End,” its popularity doesn’t overshadow it’s meaning to me. [You know that song already, I’m going to say that I liked the song before it was popular… but I got no proof. That’s what makes this “Where’d You Go” more of a triumph.] The current frequent circulation of “Where’d You Go” will never take away from its meaning to me.

But since there’s this window of opportunity, I’m going to take this opportunity to give another prop to another Fort Minor track [that I can only hope will get radio play]—it’s “Right Now.” [http://tainteddragon.blogspot.com/2005/11/fort-minor-black-thought-styles-of.html, (November 22nd)] And this blog post is in that direction…

Sometime last year, I told someone I look at music and movies because what’s popular reflects on the society that we live in. The music that we listen to… it sets a general state of mind of/for everyone. For example, what I just said “it takes that many people to leave this country to fight a war many of us don’t believe in.” In the video for “Where’d You Go,” it portrays a family that was left behind; in the song, it’s about what’s happens to a family when someone’s gone away for a long time. See the parallel? It saddens me to see that it took this long… I’m satisfied that most of us got there, but sometimes—the luxury of time won’t be there.

Now you look at this past Oscars… some people say fuck the Oscars, but hold up a second. The five nominations are as follows… Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Crash, Good Night and Good Luck, and Munich. All five of these movies are highly regarded, many will tell you that they’re all a must see. So, how do we pick a winner? [I gotta do this at least once, get on this board and discuss the best movie… but anyways] Many were running around and saying Brokeback Mountain was going to win. I’m not going to say which one I chose, because at the time I did not see all five movies. [I think they’re all great films, by the way.] Now, I had a general understanding of what all the movies were about. From the way it looks, the academy people always pick the one that’s most pertaining to the rest of the audience. They voted for what is most relevant to the rest of the country, and what has more impact. Let’s put it this way, they were okay will the gay issue. Cuz I mean, I’m okay with gay people… it really doesn’t dwell on my mind, but I can’t stand when people are racist. And the academy seems to agree… if it didn’t already figure it out Crash won. And there’s another reason why I liked Crash so much, it was at the beginning. “It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.” That put into words what I've been thinking and saying for the longest time.

I mean, I spent most of my time in the suburbs. Now I’m in the city, and I have this contact with so many people at one time. I witnessed the White Sox drive up my block after they won the World Series. I witnessed the 10,000 immigrants march outside my apartment to argue against a bill that would affect them. I don’t claim to meet someone new everyday, but when I meet someone… its never idle conversation. I detest idle conversation. When a conversation between two people happens, there’s got to be something there. If it’s about something that happened yesterday, please let there be something that was learned. If it’s something about what is going to happen tonight, please let it be about something more. Basically, let the question is asked… is this conversation going to matter tomorrow? Conversation is great, I love it. Talking to someone, getting their feelings about something, getting a different view… I could go on and on about it. But please… I’m begging you, let there be some substance—something deeper.

Now, here is where its gonna get cloudy, difficult… Idle conversation has benefits to it. [As everyone says, “What the fuck man.”] “General conversation” does a couple of things… it initiates conversation; conversation, often begins, with “hey, what’s up? What are you doing?” And even though its not gonna matter what I’m doing at 12:15 in the afternoon tomorrow, I still answer the question. As long as that’s not all the conversation is about, I’m cool with it. I’m just begging for something after that. Sometimes, idle conversation will tell you what a person is about. When I’m asked “hey, what are you up to?” I’ll answer with what I’m really doing. And that little bit of honestly, usually says something. “Chillin’, listenin’ to music,” (a frequent response of mine) that right there… that’s says a whole lot about me. And everyone’s got a story to tell.

Alright, now that you’ve finally “acquired” Fort Minor, Black Thought, Styles of Beyond – Right Now, allow me to speak on it.

Please… be aware of the encounters you have every day. Everyone lives in a world of their own design. Yet, we’re all together on this planet. This conflict with other nations, with other ethnicities, with other people/human beings… it brings a tear to my eyes. And it’s not about sadness, its anger. It makes me upset enough to say, we don’t deserve world peace. We deserve what we get—until we are really take a look at the world as one whole place. One planet. [This is going to come up again, it belongs in that series A part of a whole]
All of us, we’re going through something… we’re all experiencing something… take a moment and listen to what someone has to say. [Nelly – N Dey Say, lemme plug that one too] Stop this mentality of “it’s all about me and my struggle with life because what I’m going through is harder than what you’re going through.” With that way of thinking, you’re only bringing on your own ignorance. And…

Ignorance is not bliss.

Music.

I don’t know what it is with Music; songs, beats, lyrics… from classical to hip-hop to rock to techno & dance; all of it. The more I hear it, the more I beg for it. When I hear music, it flows through me… in its entirety. Sometimes (just sometimes), I think musicians are the only individuals that can reach me. The only people that can talk to me and have me understand everything so clearly. [And I know this isn’t true, I understand the people around me. As you already read, I believe I’m a pretty understanding.] There’s this presence with music, whatever needs to be said is captured in this 3-5 min spam of time full of energy, rhythm and emotion. I know not everyone feels like this, or embraces it quite like I do; and maybe this is just a pitch to open some minds and see something in a new light, but wow… I. Love. Music.

If you think about it… there’s just about a song to fit every mood and moment. There’s not a time where there isn’t music playing in my room. I just gotta have it on. It’s my alarm clock in the morning [from my computer, not my radio]. It helps me work on my projects, and it helps me not to destroy my own mind. Just to know that some one else has been there before, it’s more productive than thinking I’m the only one that feels this emotion. As you can probably tell, music has saved me on more than one occasion. The great thing about music, is it affects almost everyone in a different manner. Some with have the same feeling toward it… but never is it exactly the same.

Let’s say for example… there’s this guy and he hears Track 13 on a CD, and he thinks of a girl. And for him… it plays and plays, even when the music isn’t on. And all the time, he’s wishing the lyrics are talking about him or referencing him in some way or another. But on the other end of the world, the girl is hearing the song and thinking about someone else. She’s dying to say the words to her secret. Her and the guy that wants her, they’re at about the same passion level, but they’re miles away from each other. Same song, same feelings, different effects. At the same instance, Track 10 on the same CD is bringing two people together.

That’s the power of a CD… and that’s the power of a song. That’s the power of Music.

Love Is...

Welcome… everyone. I’ll be honest; I’m out here second guessing myself again. Thought I had it all sorted out? The problem lies in the doors I left open. I was told once that I fear falling in love. I’d say I’d welcome it, but I’ll do nothing about it. So really what’s the point then? I've thought about love on many occasions. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I think I got some important information to consider. So here it is, my love definition.

So it’s quite clear that everyone is looking for love… well it seems that way. But honestly, what are we looking for? How do we define love? [Take note… we] If you didn’t notice, there are different degrees for love. Is there something like true love? How is that different than real love? Are they the same thing? If they were… why do we define them differently? All the answers will come in good time. As always, we’ll start with dictionary.com.

love P Pronunciation Key (l(image placeholder)v)n.

• A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. [Sense of Underlying Oneness… nicely put.]


• A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.


• 
  


• Sexual passion.


• Sexual intercourse.


• A love affair.


• An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.


• A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.


• An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.


• 
  


• A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.


• The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.


• Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.


• often Love Christianity. Charity.


• Sports. A zero score in tennis.

All strong definitions, I suppose… but how do we differentiate? Is it left to the individual? I think that’s really what it is. I can give you general thoughts about love but it really comes down to a person to decide the difference. That’s what I suppose is most difficult (I’ll explain later). But hey listen… before my definition of love was “Like a chamber of the heart, one cannot live without (insert name).” This included family, friends, and significant others. I've since adjusted this in my mind; I still believe it’s true; I need something that defines what we live with and what love really is. And as I was rolling this around in my mind, I wanted to include this idea of “love at first sight.” [Yeah, I’m still a dreamer so I gotta include this.] I think my first definition is good, but it takes times to consider something a chamber of the heart. So, I said “alright, what adjustment can I make that will include the occurrence of love at first sight?” Then it hit me, when I think of something like a painting or architecture or a poem… there’s an instant where it just fills you up with joy; and when you learn more about it… the more you like it. And if you learn something about it and it turns you off… you no longer like it. So what I’m trying to say is… emotion can happen at an instance; there’s this feeling that overtakes an individual. And its love when the more you learn about it, the more you like/appreciate/love it. Agreed? Because seriously, the more you learn about something if you learn something you don’t like, there’s no happy emotion about it. There’s no respect, no love, no like, no crush, nothing. When ya learn something you like about it, the love only grows. I think this would account for “love at first sight.” And yes, it takes time to realize this still, but it allows for it to happen in an instance. Someone can fall in love at an instance and not even realize it, until they start learning more about it. When they realize they like it more and more, then it is or was always love.

The reason why this is so important to me is because I overuse the word. I love this (I hate this) or I love that (I hate that)… I gotta define it. I have to find a definition. And really, it’s up to me to decide the difference between paternal love and kinship love and significant other love. I think the hardest to differentiate is friendship love with the opposite [or your sexual interest… for you political correct peoples] sex and significant other love. Does it simply come down to sexual attraction to make the difference? If you look back at the dictionary.com definition, there are two blunt occurrences of sex (2 & 3). And maybe that’s it… I don’t know. What’s not mentioned is the growth of sexual attraction. Just one day ya wake up from some dream state that you don’t want to leave and realize that you’re sexually attracted to your friend. Don’t believe it, never happened; maybe you just don’t have sexy friends. Hehheh… I’m just kidding; but it does happen. Need an example? “Lovers And Friends” Usher, Lil Jon, Ludacris. What was that? You need another one… alright… “My Love Don’t Stop” Craig David. There, [both involve sex by the way] enough said.

And yes, it doesn’t always happen on its own. It seems to always take a blunt/clever/daring (whatever you wanna call ‘em) friend to point out one’s obsession with the friend of the same sexual interest. It doesn’t always happen this way, but many times it has/will… someone says something and you start looking at the person (in question) in a different light.

The difference between Love, Lust, Infatuation, and Obsession… well that’s another time.

The Comeback

What’s up? How’s every one doing? How’s everyone doing? Yeah, that’s deliberately two separate questions. [How is every (single) one (person) doing and how is everyone (collectively) doing.] All is well, I hope. I’m kinda in some other element today. Not in my usual self, but it’s all gravy. I planned for a free write last night. Seriously, it was suppose to be a meditation and just to see what came up… what was on the mind. Because of some particular factors, that wasn’t possible. Funny thing is, amidst of that events I found a topic. As usual it’s pretty broad and general, but as always, I hope that it will apply to you in some way or another. As always, my mind is racing… but the mind is supposed to move faster than anything physical [the mind isn’t bound by anything physical].

I touched on that whole, “how I know I’m right” stuff before and I wanted to bring it up again. Right and wrong… it’s something that really cannot be decided upon (ever). What seems to be right may be held wrong in another context or culture. The easiest example of this is any political debate. Pick any political issue, the reason it’s an issue is some feel its right and some believe it’s wrong. I try my best to not live in absolutes; it’s a bad thing to do. There’s always a grey area, the “right” answer is never crystal clear. Anyways, I’m sidetracking here but… back to the subject.

How do I know I’m right? Hmmm… I’ll be honest and say I’m not. I always allow for another person to give me another opinion. I practically beg you to comment here, [that hardly gets answered, but that’s okay]. I’m always begging for a fault in my thinking. So that my thinking and be restructured and hopefully for the better. Some may argue how it is possible that I believe in my decisions or choices so faithfully. I’d answer with “because we have to believe in something.” Many people think I’m being arrogant, when really I’m just confident in what I’m doing. If they would simply just pay a little more attention and give the amount I give in return, then we’d be pretty clear on things. The people that are pretty close to me (and even ask for my advice), I pretty sure they believe me to be a pretty understanding kinda guy… I see a situation in its entirety, not much escapes me. It all gets factored in, when I respond to people. I respect people for what they are; I stay away from generalizations and give humans human qualities. Like the ability to change, adjust, be understanding, and be intelligent, just to name a few. Yeah, that was a tangent but anyways…

Now this all came up when was in a pretty odd situation. You ever notice how those that retire can never really leave? Like Jordan, he came back so many different times. Jay-Z, he retires… but only from making complete CDs. He just gets on the tracks with other people. DMX [one of my favorites] claimed his 2003 CD was his last, yeah there’s another expected by the end of the summer. Smashing Pumpkins reuniting? And what’s this I hear about Guns N’ Roses? Why is it so difficult to walk away from something we love? I claimed my retirement from a few things, and I started to second guess them all. The difficulty is I reasoned them all out. I know why I retired from them. And they’re still clear as day, the decision that is. When I think about it, I still follow the same path to the same decision. Now this may be attributed to the fact that no one has been able to successfully refute my retirement.

So as I’ve been rolling this around in my head; but I wasn’t thinking about it when I was doing Architecture stuff last night. And there was this whole big thing about me having to watch “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” [long story short: there was a whole bunch of cosmological messages hinting to this movie, over the last few weeks. It was mentioned something like 4-6 times in 2-3 weeks.] And so I watched it while I was working on some Architecture stuff. At the end of the movie, I sat there and was like “what is there for me to learn, what message am I suppose to get.” And what was in my mind while I was watching it was: Things never always work out as it was planned. [There’s an issue with wording, but whatever] [Removing as many names and details as possible] it came up to “Am I supposed to reconsider my retirement, because ‘things never always work out the way it was planned.’” And I rolled that around in my mind, and then I remember a conversation that I had earlier in the night that appears to be pretty significant. I’m quoting myself here but I said “sometimes as humans we must be content with the fact that sometimes the solution isn't available and the one we chose just has to be satisfactory.” And the context of the conversation that this quote comes from really has nothing to do with my retirement; it was with/about someone else. The application to this situation is apparent. I guess I just gotta stick with my decision, until some thing pulls me toward another direction. Any thoughts?

***

Most of you already know, I’m a design student… trying to design everything I suppose. And it appears I designed my own future… and yet no one has anything to say about it. I don’t give a damn how good a designer is; they will always have those individuals that argue against it. And this is because design isn’t universally agreeable. It’s too general, and too broad. So if the objection is out there, then there must be someone to bring it.

Current Era

Hey everyone… how’s everyone doing tonight? I hope all is well with you and yours. There’s been something that I’ve been thinking about lately… it’s the simple question of progress. Are we making any? This question has a pretty broad scope so, I’m going to narrow it down for everyone. Hopefully, make it simpler. Most of the nation enjoyed the Super Bowl today, [Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers]. During the course of the game, there were a few records that were broken. In this small scope, progress is can be easily seen. When records are broken, its clear there has been some advances in a particular field. With the (generally) always entertaining commercials, we can see advances in technology among other things. Here, progress is evident. In other particular fields of interest, progress isn’t so clear….

For my focus tonight, I’m specifically talking about Architecture. Has architecture made progress? When we study architecture it’s about epic works of art and major forward movement. We hear stories of Louis Sullivan, Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, and Frank Lloyd Wright, among others [merely selected for their popularity]. Was their fame and greatness given to them during their life time or after their passing? Was Le Corbusier helmed as one of the best architects to ever live or did he get that after he passed away? Who can say who is going to be truly great? Who is the next big name in architecture? Who is the next “Sullivan,” “Wright,” or “Mies?” Is it Rem Koolhaas? Is it Adrian Smith? Is it Frank O. Gehry? Or is it someone who isn’t vastly known right now, only honored among architects like Douglas Garofalo. Furthermore, who determines who is truly great and who is just a member of the rest of the crowd? The problem with these questions, I believe, is there is no way to answer them. How do we define greatness? Are we only remembered when we are dead or gone? I would love to be admitted as a truly great architect, but it’s not my top priority. My top priority is to be heard. I would prefer that my messages through my architecture echo louder than those that I place here on this blog, but those are all in the details. [Although, I would also love if my blog receive recognition… but like I said, it’s not necessary.]

Wow… I’ve kinda diverged from the actual question of progress. Have we made progress in architecture? In technology… yes, what about design? Does it merely change with the times? In architecture, we can look back and say “hey, that’s classical” or “that’s gothic.” How do we determine what is modern? How does something like post-modern exist? And if the term modern applies to a certain time period (from this year to that year), what do we call our type of work now? What is our style in this time period, what will we be called when it’s looked back on? I suppose this post isn’t so much about progress, maybe it’s just a question of what type of era we are in. Funny question about time… how do we define it? Maybe it’s only useful as a 4th dimension of labeling things.

I remember a time when Tupac Shakur was alive, when Notorious B.I.G. was leading the east coast rap. Did I take them for granted when they were alive? Are they great now because they were taken away? Why is it so difficult to cherish something that we have, when we have it? Maybe if that doesn’t relate to you, how about Troy Aikman… inducted into the Hall of Fame on Saturday. Hmmm… that’s a pretty good example; after he retires he gets inducted into the Hall of Fame. Or Jerome Bettis, who announces his retirement at the Super Bowl… here’s a better example, Hines Ward, the MVP of tonight’s game. He’s never the guy to show-off, he just does he job. He did his job in this Super Bowl and was recognized as the MVP of the game. Will he be inducted into the Hall of Fame? Seems like it’s up to a committee to decide on that question. These little defining moments that separate what is truly great from those that are members of the crowd are slim and slight. Fame is a difficult honor to chase. I think the right way is to go after something you truly believe in, and not to chase fame. If there’s a message you want to give the rest of the world, give it. If there’s something you’re begging to scream at the top of your lungs, scream it. I’ve noticed, among other things, that when something in kept inside a person it only leaves to destruction of that person. As a human being, I’ve been given so many different opportunities to express myself… I plan to use them all.

How do I know I’m right? I think we’ll save that for another time.

Speechless

Ha! I’m back again… yup still haven’t done any studying… I know... I know... I’ll get to it. Me, not hit a deadline, that’s not possible… it’s like not in my coding. Anyway, I’m cuttin’ straight to the point this time. I was looking at my sketchbook and there’s this page from the end of my sketchbook from last year that I wanted to share with all of you. [As everyone runs just a little closer to take a peek] It’s not like it’s a floor plan or anything like that… basically it’s why I have like 4 sketchbooks now. I need to separate all my many thoughts and have things in order. Anyway, onto the page.

Probably, from what you all have read so far, y’all hopefully figured out I like having pre-thought answer to questions that I haven’t been asked. This post specifically pertains to the question of “If I could have anything in this world what would it be?” or “If you could have any wish, what it would be?” and variations of this. No one has actually ever asked me this question, but I have an answer. Something I thought of myself, me and my ever-thinking mind. So the question is “If you could have anything, what would you take?” And so, I responded with “I would ask for the ability to gain an individuals thoughts without the individual having to communicate any words; with that I would gain their experiences and understand why they cry tears of sadness and why they cry tears of happiness.” Basically, I find a fault in speaking words… If someone wants me to know something or experience something, they just send it to me. And it’s not like I’m stealing thoughts, it’s only what is given. I strongly believe experience is the greatest teacher and if I could experience what others experience in just a moment, the amount of knowledge that I would have would be unbelievable. If y’all haven’t noticed, I have a hunger for knowledge. Because it is true, I will never experience everything there is in this world. I will never know what it feels like to… [Insert something you’ll never get a chance to experience (to make it apply better from your stand point)]… although my ambitions are high, it’s not possible that I will experience everything. If I could just simply be given someone else’s experience and keep my own and just acquire experience over time, I dunno… I’d make it so my art reaches everyone. I’m allowed to speak to everyone, because I would truly understand everyone. Basically, I’d be a universal individual. Now there wouldn’t stop me from living my own experiences, because “what good is it for a man to gain the world… yet lose his own soul, in the process?” [DMX – Angel, this quote applies to me in many different ways… well all my quotes do, but you already figured that out already didn’t you.] There’s no point in that, plus I technically wouldn’t gain everyone’s experience I’d be missing my own. I would dip into the past, I’d ask for Albert Einstein to convey to me everything he knew from experience, then I’d hop on over and see what Malcolm X was thinking. There are so many different people I’d want to hit up. I’d need to find a School of Athens [Raphael – the painter, not the turtle] and just chill there all day, and be a “sponge of knowledge and wisdom” [50 Cent – God Gave Me Style]. How great would that be… maybe not so exciting to all of you… but that’s what I would want.

Now, what if I could transmit the same way? If I could just transmit what is in my mind to someone else… they’d get what I was saying without me saying anything. Some of you probably already caught the comic book root, Prof. Xavier, that whole telepathic thing; talking to his X-Men in their heads… yeah I’d want the power of telepathy but there’s so many to choose from… don’t quote me on that. [Watch this bridge being built] When you step into a room, the walls speak to you. They say something about the space about something in the world, they say something. This can be seen in churches, temples, homes, hotels, restaurants… everything and anything. There’s a message being conveyed in the walls of the space, a message that was sent by the architect to be received by the person that just stepped into the room. Places like the Dome of the Rock mosque in Jerusalem, there’s a message in the walls [that’s figuratively and literally, did you guys like that?] This is part of the reason why I can’t stand for Architecture that has some arbitrary reason like… “For the sake of being random” or “because it looks nice” or “because I wanted to clash with what was already there”… to those kinds of people that design those things, I say this “there’s nothing you want to say to the rest of the world, that’s all you got? Because seriously, that’s just some lame-ass reason and you really shouldn’t be in this profession.” Anyway, back to the message at hand [Ha! Did you guys like that one? No? ... It’s been a tough crowd today]. Works like Cloud’s Gate at Millennium Park, in Chicago, the artist is trying to say something… like paintings that hang in museums the artist is trying to convey a message to the audience (and the rest of the world) [I’m leaving it up to you to read those messages, what’s great is that they are different for everyone and they change over time… isn’t that just poetic]. These artists (sculptures, painters, and yes architects… there’s others too, but I’m on a roll here) are all speaking without words. They convey these messages to their audience without speaking a single word (unless they choose to). Because I want to transmit my message to the masses and speak without saying any words, I’m in this profession; this is why I've chosen this career. “Don’t fuck with my art.” [50 Cent – The Good Die Young].

I think there are times that I have a difficulty with words (and there are times where I truly shine), usually when I’m trying to explain something to someone and it’s the first time I’m speaking about it (or the first time it came in my head, spontaneous thinking kinda thing) that’s when I trip up a little [part of the reason why I need responses from all of you]. This is why I listen to so much music and love musicians. Musicians have found a way to manipulate the words that we use everyday and convey a message that can be related to someone or another within 3-5 minutes (sometimes more, sometimes less). Come on! How awesome is that? Obviously they are helped along with the beat or instruments; still the lyrics continue straight to the heart when there’s a song that really means something to someone. “Do you fools listen to music, or do you just skim through it?” [Jay-Z, Eminem – Renegade, its Jay-Z b-day today… I hope he’s enjoying his evening with Beyonce, cuz I am enjoying my evening with all of you (funny how this evening is continuously going on, as long as someone is reading it)]. This is why I listen to so much music, I pretty much love wordplay (now doesn’t that explain a lot about me… the blog, the music, the architecture, many things… we won’t spend time thinking about it). With that, Imma bump my music on outta here… maybe I really do have to do some work for finals…

Marital Status: Retired - Family

Hey everyone, it’s one of those nights… you know... got the candles lit, just sittin’ back and thinking. Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving so the drawing is a little light tonight… figured I’d devote to y’all. Man… right around this time of the year, I start thinking about what’s change in the last year. Usually starts with the 12th of November… yeah… there’s that 12 again… anyways, back to what I was sayin’… looking back at the past year and what’s changed. I must say, it’s been a lot… But Imma start with something pretty specific… Right now, the major thing that stands in my mind is… I’m not in a relationship. Most of it was by choice and what not, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s… different. I haven’t talked about my martial status on here before… looks like tonight I’m going to start. Those that know me with a little depth… they know I claim I’m retired. Some of you may be asking what you mean by retirement. And it’s exactly that, retirement. I’m done, “I’m walking away” [Craig David – Walking Away]. Lemme explain… I got a lot of reasons, but imma just touch on one right now… maybe something a little later… we’ll see.

As most of your readers already know, I’m studying to be an architect. For all of you that don’t know, architecture is time consuming. For the architect that I want to be and the things I want to achieve… it will consume me, everything of me. I don’t see time for a family that I’m going to leave for extended periods of time. A wife that sleeps in the martial bed alone and the other side of the bed is… cold. If I were to have a wife, I’d want kids as well. What’s the point of marriage if there’s no procreation? I don’t want to have children that grow up without a father, or a wife without a husband. I can’t imagine having a little girl and having her look up at my wife and say “when’s dad coming back?” That’s not right, or a little boy looking up at his mother and saying “when can dad come to one of my games?” That’s fucked up… I can’t have kids that ask questions like that. I can’t just take them with me. That’s another tragic story of a kid without a social life, having to hop from place to place… that’s what I expect my career to do to me. Without any attachments, I wouldn’t have that on my mind… ya know… remove it completely. [Start downloading Fort Minor, Holly Brook, Jonah Matranga – Where’d You Go? I’ll talk about it toward the end of this blog.] And people say “yeah, you could just shorten your career or your ambitions”… I don’t wanna compromise those things, I don’t want to shorten my career; my career isn’t for the fame… “Its not who I am on the inside, it’s what I do” [Batman Begins]. The stuff I want to design and build and have a part of, nothing to do with the fame… its dedicated to those that weren’t given what I was when I was born… reward those that made it though, or stand on the same side of the river. I wanna design places for those kids who have parents that bust their ass everyday to make sure the kid has food, a place to come and develop… intellectually, artistically, in every way positive. And I don’t plan just sticking to the United States; some parts of the United States have homeless shelters that waste food… how ignorant is that… those individuals I can’t help. And how hypocritical is it for me to design those types of buildings and leave my own kids in the dark? It’s a tough choice. If you could save only one family from a burning building, you’re the father/mother of one and the father/mother of the other family is asking you to save theirs… what would you choose? Your own? Theirs? I think the decision is easier, when I take one element out… not to have a family. It’s no longer a choice… it’s a question of whether I have the courage to do it; I say bring that shiet… I was born ready… just needed directions. Did y’all like that… my own little modified quote… alright side-tracked again… back to the topic. It’s tough to raise a family, it takes a lot of time… and the benefits come ten-fold… I just won’t… I won’t deal with not seein’ my children enjoying something that I enjoy so much without me… I won’t bear to not witness them playing in the snow, daughter running up to me sayin’ she made a snow angel. That’s tough… not being able to witness that… just can’t do it. People say I could shorten my career… if I do that… I can’t do everything I wanted to do… Either way, I’ll suffer but… “One person's pain is nothing when compared to the suffering of all” [Hero]. This is my sacrifice to the rest of humanity, let it be known.

Onto the track… basically it just describes what I don’t want to hear… I don’t want to do this to anyone… ever. They feel like shit, I feel like shit. Just won’t do it. Madd props to Fort Minor [Mike Shinoda] Enjoy… shed a tear...

Fort Minor, Holly Brook, and Jonah Matranga - Where'd You Go
[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

[Mike]
She said
"Some days I feel like shit / some days I wanna
Quit / and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but the trips always feel so long / and
I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot working my day around a
Call that when I pick up I don't have must to say / so
I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
At time debating telling you that I've had it with you
And your career
Me and the rest of the family here
Singing where'd you go

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home

[Mike]
Come back home / you know that place where you used to live?
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every Halloween
With candy by the pile
But now you only stop by every once and a while
(Shit) I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine / and I'm planning to keep it that way
And you can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I'll tell you:
I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
At time debating telling you that I've had it with
And your career
Me and the rest of the family here
Singing where'd you go

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home

[Mike]
I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
No longer debating
Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
For why you're not around / and feeling so useless
It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here
And you can sing it

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home"

Fort Minor, Black Thought, Styles Of Beyond - Right Now

Early post today… FORT MINOR… THE RISING TIED is here. I got my package yesterday… and this song is so dope, I just had to post. I haven’t gone through the entire CD yet… but I’m postin’ the lyrics for this one.

Fort Minor, Black Thought, Styles Of Beyond – Right Now

Fort Minor [Mike of Linkin Park]:
Someone right now / is leaving their apartment
Looking down at the street and wondering where their car went
Someone in a car is sitting at a signal
In front of a restaurant / staring thru the window at
Someone right now with their finger in their teeth
Who could use a little floss / right across the street there’s
Somebody on the curb / who really needs a jacket
But spent half the rent at a bar getting plastered
Now he’s gotta walk / 14 block just to
Work at a shop where he’s about to get fired
Someone right now / is looking pretty tired
Staring at a laptop / trying to get inspired as
Somebody / living right across the street
Just wrote the best thing that she’s written all week
But her best friend is coughing up blood in the sink
He can’t even think what happened / feeling so confused
And he knows it looks bad but there’s nothing he can do
I wonder what it’s like to be right there in his shoes
But
Yo I’m just taking it in
Out the window of a hotel bedroom again
Tomorrow I’ll be gone / I don’t know when I’ll be back
But in this world everything can change just like that
Like that

Ryu [Styles of Beyond]:
Somebody right now is dropping his vote inside a
Box and trying not to get shot in his throat for the act of freedom
Right now / Somebody’s stuck in Iraq
Hoping that he gets shipped back breathing
In a war but he’s not really sure the reasons
So we show our support when the press mislead him
Though we mourn / remain proud / salute the troops
Get some / I know you boys got some work to do

Tak [Styles Of Beyond]:
Meanwhile / right now someone’s 25-to-life-ing
Standing on a corner with their thumb up hitchhiking
Scratching off a lotto ticket hoping for a real winner
Sneaking through the border just to work and eat a real dinner
Right now someone wishes they were you and I
Instead of second-guessing fatal thoughts of quiet suicide
But right now I’m staring out the window at a fiend
With holes in his arm and / holes in his jeans
He pulled out a cigarette and sparked a light
And walked right around the corner just out of my sight
But
I’m just taking it in
From a second story hotel window again
The T.V.’s on and my bags are packed
But in this world everything can change just like that
Like that

Black Thought [The Roots]:
Yeah / right now somebody’s sittin’ in the darkness
Tryin’ to figure how to put some heat in they apartment but
They got a little mattress / little carpet
And they appreciate it ‘cause some people on
a park bench
You see ‘em when you rushing to get
To the office
Wife ride by ‘em when she comin’ from the market
Right now somebody comin’
Out the pocket
Tryin’ to dump that rock / they
runnin’ ‘round the block with
Same time the cops is
raisin’ the glock
With aim to fill your legs
And your back with some hot shit
Right now somebody’s struggling to stop this
Man that’s kicking
And punching and
Cussing at the doctors
Down the hall a child is takin’ its first breath
The doctor’s ain’t even passed
Him to the nurse yet / yo
I wonder if he understand what it’s worth yet
Life / the time spent while we here on the earth yet
The answers to the questions we all seek
Can be found / it depend on how free y’all think
Right now / it’s somebody who ain’t eat all week
That would kill / for the shit you throw away in the street
I guess one man’s trash is the next man’s treasure
One man’s pain is the next man’s pleasure
One say infinity the next say forever
Right now / everybody got to / get it together man
I’m just taking it in
In another strange hotel lobby again
With my luggage on my back / I don’t know where I’m at
I’m in a world where it all change like that
Like that

Man… there’s so many thought right now… racing. It’s blur in my head… “Thinkin’ ‘bout nothin’ more than life, what else?” [50 Cent – God Gave Me Style]. There’s so many things I wanna say about this track…about the world… about our society… when things die down, I’ll say something. This track is on repeat right now… and “I’m just taking it in”… Damn… the PIANO!!! I’m like speechless… wow… MADD Props! Get the CD… download that shit… whatever… hear that shit! I’m Out… ‘til the fog in my head gets a little clearer.

"This is me pretending, this is all I need."

Post II Tonight… This is prolly gonna bring me down from my Sox Win High, but this is something I need to get off my chest somewhere… somehow… what better place then here and what better Time than now.

As the cold reaches this part of the country and I am forced to light the pilot and fire up the heater… and although the autumn is beautiful, the trees turn that ignited red orange… I only dream of my favorite time of the year. Nothing makes me smile like December, Not because of the American holiday of Christmas, not because of my birthday, not because of the approach of a new year… it’s the snow that does it for me. The earlier it snows, the earlier I smile. Many complain about the cold… I don’t care… I can layer as much clothing as I want on… I got piles on already cuz I wanna run out and be able to layer off and find dry clothing underneath it all when the top layer gets all wet. I don’t really worry about shoveling it… it’s whatever… Bill Gates has a heated driveway, get that… enjoy the snow… it’s beautiful. Linkin Park “My December” comes to mind when I think about the winter. It’s a great song… if a gun was held to my head and I had to decide on a favorite song… I’d have to go with “My December.” It’s the piano [I know how to play it now] “this is my time of the year.” The song is so complex and layered... sounds like someone you know *hint hint* the song conveys so much of my life, and it’s so universal that when someone is asked why they love it… there’s a story behind the reason. There's just gotta be a story, [I hope people listen to lyrics still] My story? When I hear it… it sounds like I can pre-cog the beginning of the end of my life. And I know that sounds sad and bad… but I believe in that instance I will learn to forgive myself for my own mistakes, it’s like the beginning to forgiveness. And forgiveness is always a good things. As for how it pertains now… It’s a place of my own design, a place inside my head, a place of my own creation, where I can picture everything that is described. The all white fields and snow covered rocks and trees. Not a vehicle, or even, person in sight, just the snow and a home of my own design. Relating back to the earlier post, I just hope there’s enough Time to find this place and complete it before the universal fate of all men catches up with me...

Running on empty...

Hey everyone... how's everyone doing out there? Good, I hope... "in the midst of all this... for you to say something like that" (The Longest Yard - Kevin Nash). So I've been up (for probably too long) doing my Architecture project... the mask. I'm just finishing up the drawings for the presentation tomorrow. I think it'll go over pretty well... I haven't seen all the competition so I can't really make a judgment call on how much mine will stand out. We’ll see in a couple of hours… Anyways… you faithful readers know about the last post… and you know… music never seems to fail me. Madd props to Sean Paul – Never Gonna Be The Same on the new CD. Imma quote this second verse (I would put the whole thing… but that’s just too much translating… cuz you know Sean Paul and his crazy accent...)

“For all the friends and families that done past on.
Leaving impressions and memories that will last on.
We give thanks for all the time that we know them.
Reminisce them legacy that is what we owe them.
Because they helped to make us who we are.
So let us never forget and talk it and far.
Less up Grandpa Lee and Aunt Chris – I can’t forget you if I try.”

I don’t know how much that last line applies to me… but I know that rest is right on the money. So in my playlist feral the entire project… the music that has been playing since Thursday… Sean Paul, Pitbull (lovin’ it... Hustler’s Withdrawal is really good as well), Mariah Carey, Twista, The Longest Yard soundtrack, ahhh… 50’s “Window Shopper” & “Outta Control [Remix]” w/ Mobb Deep & “Hustler’s Ambition”, hehheh… Chingy And J/Weav on “One Call Away”… Frankie J’s “How Do I Deal”… Kanye West’s … Tony Yayo’s… Trey Songz’s (these are all the new cds) so yeah… pretty big variety… Mariah Carey’s remixes are on there too… it’s a nice collaboration all in all… keeps me running on no sleep. Big ups to Mike Shinoda’s Fort Minor project almost done and set for a release… videos out… (just got a newsletter about it from LP Underground. Man… I love music… it’s a beautiful thing.

Oh… almost forgot about what I wanted to talk about… (geez that music) part of me has to think about the Sean Paul cd coming out when it did… coincidence? C’mon now… you know what I think about that. I don’t know what it all means… but I’m working on it. That’s just another thing about coincidence… I think it’s just lack of knowledge or shades over the eyes… just not able to see the whole picture. Alright y’all… time to get back to work… Batman Begins on DVD tomorrow! I’m staying up for that (damn that Best Buy & Circuit City having promos on the same DVD).

Music dictates Life?

Ooooh... I'm tired. Hehheh, I worked on the font today. Ya know cuz I wasn't really satisfied with the quality of it and the materials I used, so I went to my fall back material and re-did what I had done for last Thursday (except the numbers, Imma throw in the punctuation points on the same page). So today, I finished the CAPs again and damn... I came out with a sexy "O." Now if you don't think an "O" can be sexy, well you haven't seen this "O." I'm a little unsatisfied with my "W," it's alright. My "H" could be sexier, same with the "B." I had a nice touch on the "U," but it's not noticeable until you walk up to it (which could be a good or bad thing-pending Tuesday). I changed up my "Z," it wasn't sittin' right. I changed my "S" back to what it should've always been. Sorry, y'all can't see what I'm talking about... Imma post images later. Anyway that's not what I wanted to talk about. Moving onto the topic (::psst::... y'all aren't commenting... Maybe no one is reading...?).

As I'm sitting here at 3:45 AM blaring my Maroon 5 "She Will Be Loved," I thought I might share my thoughts about music... what I listen to, what are the favs, why I listen to it and a theory about listening to music. Anyways... I would say that I listen to everything, and it's not like everything excluding country, blues, and jazz. Whoever says they listen to everything and excludes that... is obviously not listening to everything. Yeah, I rock out my country (when the mood is right) same with the rest of my music. I will listen to Rap, Hip-Hop, R&B, Pop, Rock (Metal, Alternative, Punk... and more-just can't think of it right now)... et cetera... everything-truly everything. My cuz, Steak, would say I listen to everything that's on T.V. I would argue that's not true, because I have listened to a lot of stuff before it hits T.V. (10 steps ahead of the average) and even stuff that probably won't hit T.V. Now... I listen to all forms of music and (oh shiet, I forgot techno... hehheh) at various amounts at different times. Sometimes, I'll change styles during the day. Sometimes I'll go whole weeks listening to the same thing. My computer is set to turn on music for my alarm; the music doesn't stop in my room. Now, I wouldn't say I have an all-time single favorite because sometimes I'm not in the mood for whatever my favorite might be. Now, I have a group that I have a lot of songs that I like and that's Linkin Park [LPUnderground here, DragonRomeo]. They satisfy many different needs at the same time even though they have their own sound.... now DMX is another story. I like DMX because it's pure Rap and he has many songs that I like. So technically, those are favorites but sometimes I don't wanna hear them... so they're not favorites. Now there's a reason to why I listen to so much different music and it goes hand-in-hand with my theory of music. It think it is universally understood that Life dictates Music, right? If you consider that music is written by people, usually about life (whether it be theirs or something they see), then music would be an account of real-life. Yes, I understand the concept of telling a story... either way it's about life. Not to rip from Staind "Zoe Jane," I think they [musicians] can teach me everything that they've endured... and with the lyrics I can either relate to my own experiences or even [possibly?] prepare for something coming. So I guess music gives me a far warning for things to come in this life. Granted... sometimes I may never endure some situations, but I may come across a person that doesn't know how to deal with a situation and I can provide some help because I've heard the situation before [kinda the reason why I know many things about relationships, having been in very few, but many musicians sing/rap/or whatever style you want about relationships.] And I understand that it doesn't always come out the exactly how the song said, but it is possible that the result will come out the same way. Now, back to that whole idea of Life dictating Music. Is it possible that Music dictated Life? Have you ever heard a song that meant nothing to you when you first heard it [maybe the instruments or beats caught you, but the words never set in]... then somewhere down the line of life you needed to hear the song just to hear what it said, just to see if it was telling your story (almost like a subliminal message)? With those premises [Hearing a song before the event, event happens and need to hear the song], could it be possible that you made (chose) your life story go [as if it was planned] in the same direction as the song? [Now, I know some people will deliberately do that... and we call them actors or drama queens/kings.] I believe it can, I believe it is possible that Music [unconsciously or even consciously] dictates Life. Just to play Devil's Advocate against myself, it is possible that an individual was set on that course already and hearing the song prior to the event/situation then hearing the song again (now that the individual can relate to it) is merely coincidence. Then what do we do with the songs that come out brand new, at the same time the event/situation is happening (further still, it has been on the radio for 3 months but you only hear after then event/situation happens)? More coincidence...? C’mon now... after a while some one needs a swift kick and realize that everything that happens is not a coincidence. I mean this is what I believe, and obviously you're free to believe whatever your lil' heart desires... if you want to believe that you've gotten 7 tickets and 3 accidents and you're licensed revoked [more than likely not to have an insurance until the age of 21/23] is just you having some bad luck and NOT because you shouldn't be driving or because something might seriously happen or you've been driving for the wrong reasons. Well, I can't help you. I can be that exact with that example, because well... I'm the dumbass that had 7 tickets and 3 accidents [yeah I know... I heard it before; I don't need to you remind me-but thank you]. Back off the tangent and back into the discussion (with myself...?), Music Dictating Life and is it possible? Musical (subliminal) messages? Everything happens for a reason? Many things to consider... but its 4:37 people and well I'm forced to get some sleep... before I fall asleep and have these keys imprinted in my forehead.

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Yeah! I got a lil attention of my cousin's blog... I thought that was pretty cool. Tonight was kinda laid back, I wanted to hit up my font work again and make it as close to perfect as I can get it for Tuesday. ::psst::... I'm shooting for it to get published. Yeah... I know... high ambitions, I heard it before. But I got this. It doesn't have to be published on Tuesday; I just want to make sure that the graphic designers will consider it. Then I’ll run with the idea, I’m sure they'll help out with that extended knowledge on how to publish a font. Yeah... but I didn't work on it today, I wanted to... ran outta materials. Went to the store and it was out of materials as well... disappointing I know. I probably could've gone earlier, but my buddy was up from the burgs on a visit. And when he went, then I went to the art store. I wanted to spend a lil time with friends and I got all weekend, mostly Sunday night. I got to go to the parent's house and see my lil bro after this first football game (they won by the way, in case you were wonderin'). I got to take a few photos and incorp my word (that I chose for the font) into the picture. The word I chose was/is my title for the font, sorry I’m a little vague, gotta cover my own ass make sure no one rips my idea ya know. Cuz even though I don't care about the famous dollars, some people don't care about professional courtesy. So they'll rip someone else idea cuz they can't think of their own. "Blaze your own trail" (adjusted from Papa Roach's "Not Listening" [Verse 2]).

Today... I was gonna just lay back and light a few candles and indulge in my silence and artistic freedom... but I didn't, eh, it's all gravy it wasn't that much needed. I just watched Crash instead. I thought that movie was great (or else I wouldn't have bought it although I do a blind buy every now and again), but I can see why some people wouldn't like it.

Oh! You know what I wanted to talk about or well at least say... you know how people say that you held this information from me so therefore you lied to me. And I was thinking is it really lying if it never crossed my head. That's like saying I didn't tell you I was breathing, but because I didn't tell you I’m lying about breathing. Ya know what I’m tryin' to say? You can't be held responsible for something you're not consciously aware of, right? How did this question come about.............. Oh! I remember now, I keep certain things to myself and so when I don't convey them or talk about them... am I lying to everyone, because I haven't said that I’ve been doing it? For example, you go somewhere frequently and you see someone over and over again and you think you know them pretty well. Then you find out that they're like married or something, and you think they're lying to you. Can that be considered lying? If it never crossed their mind that they needed to tell you that? Person 1 "well you never said that, you lied to me" Person 2 "I never said I did or never said I didn't." And yeah, I understand that if you think about it and it relates and you don't say it... then of course that can be counted as lying. Say Person 1 is out late then goes straight to work in the morning and Person 2 is upset about Person 1 not coming home. When the argument starts over where Person 1 was and Person 1 says "I was out late, and then I went straight to work," then Person 2 finds out that Person 1 was in a certain place. Half the truth is half a lie. But about the example before, it's really the full truth. Now I’m not going to sit here and detail out everything of my activities, and with that you can't say I’m lying to you about what I’m doing. Unless you want to hold me responsible for something I'm not aware that I had to say. Does that make sense to everyone out there... let's hope so? I'll post of a little bit later, gonna get some sleep tonight... I got some stuff to do tomorrow.