The Comeback

What’s up? How’s every one doing? How’s everyone doing? Yeah, that’s deliberately two separate questions. [How is every (single) one (person) doing and how is everyone (collectively) doing.] All is well, I hope. I’m kinda in some other element today. Not in my usual self, but it’s all gravy. I planned for a free write last night. Seriously, it was suppose to be a meditation and just to see what came up… what was on the mind. Because of some particular factors, that wasn’t possible. Funny thing is, amidst of that events I found a topic. As usual it’s pretty broad and general, but as always, I hope that it will apply to you in some way or another. As always, my mind is racing… but the mind is supposed to move faster than anything physical [the mind isn’t bound by anything physical].

I touched on that whole, “how I know I’m right” stuff before and I wanted to bring it up again. Right and wrong… it’s something that really cannot be decided upon (ever). What seems to be right may be held wrong in another context or culture. The easiest example of this is any political debate. Pick any political issue, the reason it’s an issue is some feel its right and some believe it’s wrong. I try my best to not live in absolutes; it’s a bad thing to do. There’s always a grey area, the “right” answer is never crystal clear. Anyways, I’m sidetracking here but… back to the subject.

How do I know I’m right? Hmmm… I’ll be honest and say I’m not. I always allow for another person to give me another opinion. I practically beg you to comment here, [that hardly gets answered, but that’s okay]. I’m always begging for a fault in my thinking. So that my thinking and be restructured and hopefully for the better. Some may argue how it is possible that I believe in my decisions or choices so faithfully. I’d answer with “because we have to believe in something.” Many people think I’m being arrogant, when really I’m just confident in what I’m doing. If they would simply just pay a little more attention and give the amount I give in return, then we’d be pretty clear on things. The people that are pretty close to me (and even ask for my advice), I pretty sure they believe me to be a pretty understanding kinda guy… I see a situation in its entirety, not much escapes me. It all gets factored in, when I respond to people. I respect people for what they are; I stay away from generalizations and give humans human qualities. Like the ability to change, adjust, be understanding, and be intelligent, just to name a few. Yeah, that was a tangent but anyways…

Now this all came up when was in a pretty odd situation. You ever notice how those that retire can never really leave? Like Jordan, he came back so many different times. Jay-Z, he retires… but only from making complete CDs. He just gets on the tracks with other people. DMX [one of my favorites] claimed his 2003 CD was his last, yeah there’s another expected by the end of the summer. Smashing Pumpkins reuniting? And what’s this I hear about Guns N’ Roses? Why is it so difficult to walk away from something we love? I claimed my retirement from a few things, and I started to second guess them all. The difficulty is I reasoned them all out. I know why I retired from them. And they’re still clear as day, the decision that is. When I think about it, I still follow the same path to the same decision. Now this may be attributed to the fact that no one has been able to successfully refute my retirement.

So as I’ve been rolling this around in my head; but I wasn’t thinking about it when I was doing Architecture stuff last night. And there was this whole big thing about me having to watch “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” [long story short: there was a whole bunch of cosmological messages hinting to this movie, over the last few weeks. It was mentioned something like 4-6 times in 2-3 weeks.] And so I watched it while I was working on some Architecture stuff. At the end of the movie, I sat there and was like “what is there for me to learn, what message am I suppose to get.” And what was in my mind while I was watching it was: Things never always work out as it was planned. [There’s an issue with wording, but whatever] [Removing as many names and details as possible] it came up to “Am I supposed to reconsider my retirement, because ‘things never always work out the way it was planned.’” And I rolled that around in my mind, and then I remember a conversation that I had earlier in the night that appears to be pretty significant. I’m quoting myself here but I said “sometimes as humans we must be content with the fact that sometimes the solution isn't available and the one we chose just has to be satisfactory.” And the context of the conversation that this quote comes from really has nothing to do with my retirement; it was with/about someone else. The application to this situation is apparent. I guess I just gotta stick with my decision, until some thing pulls me toward another direction. Any thoughts?

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Most of you already know, I’m a design student… trying to design everything I suppose. And it appears I designed my own future… and yet no one has anything to say about it. I don’t give a damn how good a designer is; they will always have those individuals that argue against it. And this is because design isn’t universally agreeable. It’s too general, and too broad. So if the objection is out there, then there must be someone to bring it.