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Behind The Falling Curtain

Hey everyone! Just finished the final, which means it’s the end of the semester… Me and the reflective kinda guy that I am, would like to take a moment to look back on the semester that just passed, can’t really know where I’m going unless I know where I've been. Many things have changed since the beginning of this semester. Made a lot of decisions, some I didn’t want to make… many I needed to make… and most I made confidently (partly because of the coin flip… shhh). Man… this is starting to sound like the end… if you’re thinking this, you’d be mistaken… this is only the beginning. I will post from my parents house as often as I develop my thoughts and ideas. If you’re still taking this as a close then let it be a closing statement to the fall semester of 2005, that should satisfy what I’m feeling right now. I hope all of you have learned something this semester, either through me personally or through this blog and the conversations that you have with others. I hope you all will tune in for the next episode. You know I’ll be here!

Hey, I know everyone doesn’t run on the semester and I don’t either… this break… hopefully Imma lay the grounds for another font. Finalize a few things on the old one, so I can get that posted up and ready to be published. I know there are many things I wanna change. Trying to be so universal and direct is difficult because there are so many different types of people in the world. It’s hard to design something that applies to all and still have something that’s uniform. It’s like I have to find something that all unique people have in common, which is sorta not possible because if they are all unique then how do they have something in common. But it’s been done, so I won’t stop until I do find something that can be related on all sides and still apply to unique individuals.

More and more I see myself as a contradiction. The more I speak, the more I contradict myself. Why is it every time that I pull from the world and apply it in a singular fashion, it becomes a contradiction? How come when I say it, it’s a contradiction; but when God does it, it’s not? I have been playing with something in my mind. [This kinda branches from that whole speaking without having to use language or saying any words] Because God is God, God can contradict without having to say any words and whatever was said by God wouldn’t be a contradiction… Maybe if God spoke God would contradict the words that are spoken? I say the world is full of separate entities and very complex, and very simple. This is a contradiction, when God does it, it’s not a contradiction. See what I’m saying? I ask the question can God make a rock that God cannot lift. If God makes it, it’s not truly a rock God cannot lift because God can do anything God wills. If God can’t make it, then that has to be incorrect because God can do anything God wills. God must be defined without limitations. It’s wrong for God to be limited, its wrong by definition of God. Just by asking the question I have presented a contradiction. I think all great philosophers that have spoken have created their own contradictions, when philosophers speak on how they have designed the world… there’s contradictions. God has created the world, and there are contradictions when we talk about the world… but the world exists. And because the world exists it’s not a contradiction. Hehheh… whirling you around in a circle yet? When the globe in your brain slows down just a little bit… tell me what you think. Imma pack up and ship myself back to my parent’s house.

At the end...

Hey everyone, how's everyone out there doing? Good... I hope... Kinda outta my element today, y'all shouldn't worry, just tired a guess. It snowed today, that made me smile. It stopped now... that's kinda disappointing. I wanna witness a full fledged Winter Wonderland... drifting to sleep just thinking about it. I got one more final tomorrow... then it's Home? Maybe... I'll try to post when I'm at my parents house (dat computer is kinda slow... gets annoying, but you know if I think of something y'all hear it). I was reading my own post today, talking about it with a few people... getting impressions of how it comes off to the rest of the world. That's one experience I won't have... discovering this blog. As a writer, I can't experience what it's like to see it from your side. I don't know how it comes off... Feedback is golden (*hint hint*). It's all gravy... I know everyone is busy, got stuff on their minds and what now... it's cool... I understand. Alright I gotta get a little bit of studying done, probably get some sleep before someone else yells at me about it.

As promised, here are more final pictures. Enjoy!



Ha! I’m back again… yup still haven’t done any studying… I know... I know... I’ll get to it. Me, not hit a deadline, that’s not possible… it’s like not in my coding. Anyway, I’m cuttin’ straight to the point this time. I was looking at my sketchbook and there’s this page from the end of my sketchbook from last year that I wanted to share with all of you. [As everyone runs just a little closer to take a peek] It’s not like it’s a floor plan or anything like that… basically it’s why I have like 4 sketchbooks now. I need to separate all my many thoughts and have things in order. Anyway, onto the page.

Probably, from what you all have read so far, y’all hopefully figured out I like having pre-thought answer to questions that I haven’t been asked. This post specifically pertains to the question of “If I could have anything in this world what would it be?” or “If you could have any wish, what it would be?” and variations of this. No one has actually ever asked me this question, but I have an answer. Something I thought of myself, me and my ever-thinking mind. So the question is “If you could have anything, what would you take?” And so, I responded with “I would ask for the ability to gain an individuals thoughts without the individual having to communicate any words; with that I would gain their experiences and understand why they cry tears of sadness and why they cry tears of happiness.” Basically, I find a fault in speaking words… If someone wants me to know something or experience something, they just send it to me. And it’s not like I’m stealing thoughts, it’s only what is given. I strongly believe experience is the greatest teacher and if I could experience what others experience in just a moment, the amount of knowledge that I would have would be unbelievable. If y’all haven’t noticed, I have a hunger for knowledge. Because it is true, I will never experience everything there is in this world. I will never know what it feels like to… [Insert something you’ll never get a chance to experience (to make it apply better from your stand point)]… although my ambitions are high, it’s not possible that I will experience everything. If I could just simply be given someone else’s experience and keep my own and just acquire experience over time, I dunno… I’d make it so my art reaches everyone. I’m allowed to speak to everyone, because I would truly understand everyone. Basically, I’d be a universal individual. Now there wouldn’t stop me from living my own experiences, because “what good is it for a man to gain the world… yet lose his own soul, in the process?” [DMX – Angel, this quote applies to me in many different ways… well all my quotes do, but you already figured that out already didn’t you.] There’s no point in that, plus I technically wouldn’t gain everyone’s experience I’d be missing my own. I would dip into the past, I’d ask for Albert Einstein to convey to me everything he knew from experience, then I’d hop on over and see what Malcolm X was thinking. There are so many different people I’d want to hit up. I’d need to find a School of Athens [Raphael – the painter, not the turtle] and just chill there all day, and be a “sponge of knowledge and wisdom” [50 Cent – God Gave Me Style]. How great would that be… maybe not so exciting to all of you… but that’s what I would want.

Now, what if I could transmit the same way? If I could just transmit what is in my mind to someone else… they’d get what I was saying without me saying anything. Some of you probably already caught the comic book root, Prof. Xavier, that whole telepathic thing; talking to his X-Men in their heads… yeah I’d want the power of telepathy but there’s so many to choose from… don’t quote me on that. [Watch this bridge being built] When you step into a room, the walls speak to you. They say something about the space about something in the world, they say something. This can be seen in churches, temples, homes, hotels, restaurants… everything and anything. There’s a message being conveyed in the walls of the space, a message that was sent by the architect to be received by the person that just stepped into the room. Places like the Dome of the Rock mosque in Jerusalem, there’s a message in the walls [that’s figuratively and literally, did you guys like that?] This is part of the reason why I can’t stand for Architecture that has some arbitrary reason like… “For the sake of being random” or “because it looks nice” or “because I wanted to clash with what was already there”… to those kinds of people that design those things, I say this “there’s nothing you want to say to the rest of the world, that’s all you got? Because seriously, that’s just some lame-ass reason and you really shouldn’t be in this profession.” Anyway, back to the message at hand [Ha! Did you guys like that one? No? ... It’s been a tough crowd today]. Works like Cloud’s Gate at Millennium Park, in Chicago, the artist is trying to say something… like paintings that hang in museums the artist is trying to convey a message to the audience (and the rest of the world) [I’m leaving it up to you to read those messages, what’s great is that they are different for everyone and they change over time… isn’t that just poetic]. These artists (sculptures, painters, and yes architects… there’s others too, but I’m on a roll here) are all speaking without words. They convey these messages to their audience without speaking a single word (unless they choose to). Because I want to transmit my message to the masses and speak without saying any words, I’m in this profession; this is why I've chosen this career. “Don’t fuck with my art.” [50 Cent – The Good Die Young].

I think there are times that I have a difficulty with words (and there are times where I truly shine), usually when I’m trying to explain something to someone and it’s the first time I’m speaking about it (or the first time it came in my head, spontaneous thinking kinda thing) that’s when I trip up a little [part of the reason why I need responses from all of you]. This is why I listen to so much music and love musicians. Musicians have found a way to manipulate the words that we use everyday and convey a message that can be related to someone or another within 3-5 minutes (sometimes more, sometimes less). Come on! How awesome is that? Obviously they are helped along with the beat or instruments; still the lyrics continue straight to the heart when there’s a song that really means something to someone. “Do you fools listen to music, or do you just skim through it?” [Jay-Z, Eminem – Renegade, its Jay-Z b-day today… I hope he’s enjoying his evening with Beyonce, cuz I am enjoying my evening with all of you (funny how this evening is continuously going on, as long as someone is reading it)]. This is why I listen to so much music, I pretty much love wordplay (now doesn’t that explain a lot about me… the blog, the music, the architecture, many things… we won’t spend time thinking about it). With that, Imma bump my music on outta here… maybe I really do have to do some work for finals…

For Better Business

Hey all… just wanted to check in… I’m just sitting here, not taking my finals as seriously as I should… listening to music (as always). I had a couple of different things running in my head the last few days… you’re prolly thinking, what’s else is new… but hey, that’s how I work. Anyways, lemme air out a few thoughts… maybe I could get some feedback *hint hint, wink wink* hmmm… where to begin…. Ha! I got it.

Has anyone ever made a decision on a coin flip? (Anyone else smiling? No? Maybe I’m trying too hard) I have… I've done it quite often… doing that whole Two-Face thing (ya know… Batman…?) Now it’s not always a decision of good vs. evil. I use that whole coin flip decision thing on a situation where I can see both the positives and negatives of a situation or choice. Kinda like letting the coin pick the less of the two evils, because it’s indiscriminate and not influenced by the human difficulties that I possess. Usually when I’m going to make a decision by the coin… I decide what side is going to be what option, flip the coin, catch it, and flip it over on my other hand. (If I don’t catch it or it slips or some other difficulty the options have to be reset and I have to flip again) After the coin tells me what to do, I forget about the other option… the other option doesn’t matter anymore. And whatever the coin has chosen, I have to do that. That’s the discipline.

I think a part of this is attributed to the fact that I don’t believe in coincidence. Since nothing is truly random, it’s kinda like my way of speaking to God? Or God guiding me? It’s like that whole Fate and Destiny argument I was talking about before, when I come to a fork in the road and I have to make a choice, and because I’m human, I can’t make the choice without regretting or wanting the other option or possibly just not seeing clearly, the coin would show me the way to leads me to the “better” route. So I guess the coin helps me choose the best possible route, if there is such a thing. And with this thinking, whatever the coin chooses, it’s like Fate or Destiny or God has said this is what is to happen. And how am I to argue with that?

Now, this was way of decision making was in my life before, but I started becoming vividly aware of this when I heard that some businesses run on this system. Seriously, there was an article about a business that wanted to buy out another one… and the business that was taking bids decided on a coin flip. Ain’t that some shiet? There are web pages up on Google’s search engine if you don’t believe me. (That’s one of those… ::reaches in pocket and pulls out a fact sheet::)

Now, I was talking to my Father about this… I can’t remember what it came from but he said there was another way of doing this… kinda a spin-off I suppose. He explained the whole procedure and now I present it to you. Take a sheet of paper, write yes on one side and write no on the other side. Then kinda eye where the middle is, DON’T MEASURE, and tear. This can be interchanged with the options being put on the ends and whatnot you get the point. This basically runs on the same thinking as the coin flip. Because nothing happens without reason, the side that has more is the option you take. Ha! Who thought “the side that has more” was funny… get it… more paper or more benefit. No? Ahhh y’all aren’t very fun. [That’s the problem with blogs… I don’t get initial reactions… hell I don’t’ get reactions, cuz no one responds.] Yeah, so if you don’t have a coin around and you do have a piece of paper and pen and willing to kill a sheet of paper to make a decision you could use this. I just keep a quarter [quarters because they’re bigger, easier to flip and catch… dimes are the worst]. Flip a Coin… there’s suppose to be something about businesses playing rock, paper, scissors, I just think the rules are difficult to set up between businesses and there’s took much human influence. Like you could kinda take a guess at what a person would choose and then obviously the other person is doing the same thing. And basically it’s an intangible war, until the counts comes. Hehheh… I’m calling the Better Business Bureau.

Yeah, for the installation project that was just completed… we did coin flips for the locations that many groups wanted. Made me happy, and I must say… I think everything that was decided on the coin flip went rather well… Maybe some members of the other groups would like to argue [*hint hint* I know some of you are reading…] But honestly, my group was involved in one coin flip and we lost that one… went other group… I could’ve had a huge influence on, but didn’t. Then we won the second one and I was satisfied with my newly acquired canvas. Honestly, I liked all the site locations; I believe I could’ve worked with any of them. And they all had they’re down sides to each of them. So, it was pretty ideal situations to use the coin flip. The coin flip… its great! Alright, I gotta waste a few more hours before I have to seriously study. I’ll talk to y’all laterz… possibly later tonight.


Room to breathe... ?

Hey everyone! What up! Hehheh... had the review for the installation project today. It was sweet. The Jurors were super awesome this time, they were like high quality. Not that nonsense stuff we've been exposed to, truly high quality. They all made very valid points, it was truly good. I just wish they came earlier, if we could've gotten the high caliber from the beginning it would've been grand. I'd be so much more further long... ahhh well... better late than never. Anyway... I think my review went rather well. They had a few comments against it, things I didn't consider which is what makes them awesome jurors... I love it when someone can point something out to me that I didn't even consider. Cuz... well... it's kinda hard... y'all know me... I'm over analytical and it was awesome and the jurors would point that out to me... I mean I guess I did consider it, but I didn't think it would matter... and that's what was key... is that it did matter and they made sure I was aware that it did matter. On a much higher note, they loved the other half of my project, which is even more fantastic. Yeah... yeah... I'm postin' up pictures... hold on...

[Which one do y'all think is better? Ahhh... obviously the doorway divider in the middle is the separation between left and right? Excuse the tape that was before the actual presentation... (safety measure) it holds without the tape... pictures of that later... along with Demolition!!! Hehheh... I don't think I ever fully explained the concept... well it goes something like this... the concept for the installation was to create a space that would invoke discussion and attract attention, from the Architecture Students that mindlessly walk past this area everyday. The panels are created with a 12" X 18" rectangle in mind (ex: on the right side the rectangles are 12" X 18" for one sheet each time, the change in dimensions on the left side is for pinning bigger sheets of paper;
middle section is 36" X 18" for pinning up 3 11" X 17" Vellum sheets on top of one another; also on the left side there's a 36" X 9" for pinning up 3 8.5" X 11" sheets vertically and there's a space for a 12" X 12" side of the right side for pinning up the same side. The shelves on the right side are for putting 3 dimensional objects (ie: models) the "bench" was not fully completed but handles models with ease... just not so much people... that's all because it wasn't fully completed... ran out of materials... anyways back to the concept. Yeah, I think that's pretty much it... hehheh... oh yeah, the concept was meant to remain within the boundaries of the pre-existing walls, the site receives a heavy amount of traffic, so I wanted to stay within it's borders. The jurors like the left side... from that side view it does really does grab your attention... the right side... not so much... that's what their feeling was. The dynamic shelving on top is kinda too dark and too far away... I can see where they were coming from. The point was make that from the staircase that that one close to the floor shot... yeah you don't really get grabbed into the piece at that point... and that's what they didn't like about it. I think all areas got it though.]

But yeah, that project is knocked out. Bring on the next semester! Man... I wish the rest of these other classes in this semester were over... back to work. Here are some before pictures as I'm leaving...


In the Chamber of My Mind

Hey everyone… how’s everyone doing tonight? Good, I hope. I hope all is well with you and yours. I hope everyone had a good break… even if your break was only a day long, like mine. Man… this Architecture projects is damn near getting’ the best of me. Ha! Nah but seriously… this up until 4 in the morning ain’t cool man. Then again, I can’t complain because it’s mostly all self inflicted. I don’t have to care about my project, but I do. So I spend time on it, figure that shiet out. Plus, I like it when my brains buzzing from situation to situation. Anyways… back to the topic… I think people think I’m hard to talk to… or have a difficulty giving advice to… hmmm…

So we ran into a like dilemma today in the matter of my architectural project. And I’m sittin’ there trying to figure out a solution. In our studio, we have people that are willing to put their opinion forth… or give a little suggestion. Now, I personally do love when this happens. I think people see me as just ignoring them… when I’m standing there in silence. But behind these “blank” eyes is the chaos that ensues behind my exterior. In my mind, things are going a mile a minute. When someone gives me a suggestion, there’s a rush of so many different things about the suggestion. I think so people think I’m not listening, but when I respond or speak… I believe so much development comes out that people don’t even realize themselves. It’s kinda back to the whole pre-cognition thing. I’ll say something… and the person that I said it to… they’ll get what I was saying maybe 10-15 minutes later. I think some people know that the lights are flickering on and off, information blurring through the space of my mind. And I suppose that it is awkward when someone has just finished saying something but I don’t have a response or rather say anything. I guess… people have to realize when I speak about something… I thought it thru pretty deeply. Personally, I think I thirst for another opinion, that’s why I ask all of you to post or comment or respond (*hint hint*). Man, I've been repeatedly reminded about people living in their own worlds lately.

Do we ever really know what goes on in someone’s head? What they’re thinking? Can we eve really know? I don’t think it’s a good thing to generalize people out, and talk about what their probably thinking… humans change… they’re not like set in stone. They adapt, they change… basically their different. That’s what makes humans so separate. Over seven billion people… of all the different from one another… kinda crazy, but it’s true (and nothing before but ever really matters). Wow, just felt like a ton of bricks just hit me… I’m getting’ tired… This isn’t so good, alright; I gotta get off of his… and stay busy. Until next time, I’ll be here… will you?


Marital Status: Retired - Family

Hey everyone, it’s one of those nights… you know... got the candles lit, just sittin’ back and thinking. Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving so the drawing is a little light tonight… figured I’d devote to y’all. Man… right around this time of the year, I start thinking about what’s change in the last year. Usually starts with the 12th of November… yeah… there’s that 12 again… anyways, back to what I was sayin’… looking back at the past year and what’s changed. I must say, it’s been a lot… But Imma start with something pretty specific… Right now, the major thing that stands in my mind is… I’m not in a relationship. Most of it was by choice and what not, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s… different. I haven’t talked about my martial status on here before… looks like tonight I’m going to start. Those that know me with a little depth… they know I claim I’m retired. Some of you may be asking what you mean by retirement. And it’s exactly that, retirement. I’m done, “I’m walking away” [Craig David – Walking Away]. Lemme explain… I got a lot of reasons, but imma just touch on one right now… maybe something a little later… we’ll see.

As most of your readers already know, I’m studying to be an architect. For all of you that don’t know, architecture is time consuming. For the architect that I want to be and the things I want to achieve… it will consume me, everything of me. I don’t see time for a family that I’m going to leave for extended periods of time. A wife that sleeps in the martial bed alone and the other side of the bed is… cold. If I were to have a wife, I’d want kids as well. What’s the point of marriage if there’s no procreation? I don’t want to have children that grow up without a father, or a wife without a husband. I can’t imagine having a little girl and having her look up at my wife and say “when’s dad coming back?” That’s not right, or a little boy looking up at his mother and saying “when can dad come to one of my games?” That’s fucked up… I can’t have kids that ask questions like that. I can’t just take them with me. That’s another tragic story of a kid without a social life, having to hop from place to place… that’s what I expect my career to do to me. Without any attachments, I wouldn’t have that on my mind… ya know… remove it completely. [Start downloading Fort Minor, Holly Brook, Jonah Matranga – Where’d You Go? I’ll talk about it toward the end of this blog.] And people say “yeah, you could just shorten your career or your ambitions”… I don’t wanna compromise those things, I don’t want to shorten my career; my career isn’t for the fame… “Its not who I am on the inside, it’s what I do” [Batman Begins]. The stuff I want to design and build and have a part of, nothing to do with the fame… its dedicated to those that weren’t given what I was when I was born… reward those that made it though, or stand on the same side of the river. I wanna design places for those kids who have parents that bust their ass everyday to make sure the kid has food, a place to come and develop… intellectually, artistically, in every way positive. And I don’t plan just sticking to the United States; some parts of the United States have homeless shelters that waste food… how ignorant is that… those individuals I can’t help. And how hypocritical is it for me to design those types of buildings and leave my own kids in the dark? It’s a tough choice. If you could save only one family from a burning building, you’re the father/mother of one and the father/mother of the other family is asking you to save theirs… what would you choose? Your own? Theirs? I think the decision is easier, when I take one element out… not to have a family. It’s no longer a choice… it’s a question of whether I have the courage to do it; I say bring that shiet… I was born ready… just needed directions. Did y’all like that… my own little modified quote… alright side-tracked again… back to the topic. It’s tough to raise a family, it takes a lot of time… and the benefits come ten-fold… I just won’t… I won’t deal with not seein’ my children enjoying something that I enjoy so much without me… I won’t bear to not witness them playing in the snow, daughter running up to me sayin’ she made a snow angel. That’s tough… not being able to witness that… just can’t do it. People say I could shorten my career… if I do that… I can’t do everything I wanted to do… Either way, I’ll suffer but… “One person's pain is nothing when compared to the suffering of all” [Hero]. This is my sacrifice to the rest of humanity, let it be known.

Onto the track… basically it just describes what I don’t want to hear… I don’t want to do this to anyone… ever. They feel like shit, I feel like shit. Just won’t do it. Madd props to Fort Minor [Mike Shinoda] Enjoy… shed a tear...

Fort Minor, Holly Brook, and Jonah Matranga - Where'd You Go
[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

She said
"Some days I feel like shit / some days I wanna
Quit / and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but the trips always feel so long / and
I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot working my day around a
Call that when I pick up I don't have must to say / so
I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
At time debating telling you that I've had it with you
And your career
Me and the rest of the family here
Singing where'd you go

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home

Come back home / you know that place where you used to live?
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every Halloween
With candy by the pile
But now you only stop by every once and a while
(Shit) I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine / and I'm planning to keep it that way
And you can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I'll tell you:
I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
At time debating telling you that I've had it with
And your career
Me and the rest of the family here
Singing where'd you go

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home

I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
No longer debating
Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
For why you're not around / and feeling so useless
It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here
And you can sing it

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home"


Fort Minor, Black Thought, Styles Of Beyond - Right Now

Early post today… FORT MINOR… THE RISING TIED is here. I got my package yesterday… and this song is so dope, I just had to post. I haven’t gone through the entire CD yet… but I’m postin’ the lyrics for this one.

Fort Minor, Black Thought, Styles Of Beyond – Right Now

Fort Minor [Mike of Linkin Park]:
Someone right now / is leaving their apartment
Looking down at the street and wondering where their car went
Someone in a car is sitting at a signal
In front of a restaurant / staring thru the window at
Someone right now with their finger in their teeth
Who could use a little floss / right across the street there’s
Somebody on the curb / who really needs a jacket
But spent half the rent at a bar getting plastered
Now he’s gotta walk / 14 block just to
Work at a shop where he’s about to get fired
Someone right now / is looking pretty tired
Staring at a laptop / trying to get inspired as
Somebody / living right across the street
Just wrote the best thing that she’s written all week
But her best friend is coughing up blood in the sink
He can’t even think what happened / feeling so confused
And he knows it looks bad but there’s nothing he can do
I wonder what it’s like to be right there in his shoes
Yo I’m just taking it in
Out the window of a hotel bedroom again
Tomorrow I’ll be gone / I don’t know when I’ll be back
But in this world everything can change just like that
Like that

Ryu [Styles of Beyond]:
Somebody right now is dropping his vote inside a
Box and trying not to get shot in his throat for the act of freedom
Right now / Somebody’s stuck in Iraq
Hoping that he gets shipped back breathing
In a war but he’s not really sure the reasons
So we show our support when the press mislead him
Though we mourn / remain proud / salute the troops
Get some / I know you boys got some work to do

Tak [Styles Of Beyond]:
Meanwhile / right now someone’s 25-to-life-ing
Standing on a corner with their thumb up hitchhiking
Scratching off a lotto ticket hoping for a real winner
Sneaking through the border just to work and eat a real dinner
Right now someone wishes they were you and I
Instead of second-guessing fatal thoughts of quiet suicide
But right now I’m staring out the window at a fiend
With holes in his arm and / holes in his jeans
He pulled out a cigarette and sparked a light
And walked right around the corner just out of my sight
I’m just taking it in
From a second story hotel window again
The T.V.’s on and my bags are packed
But in this world everything can change just like that
Like that

Black Thought [The Roots]:
Yeah / right now somebody’s sittin’ in the darkness
Tryin’ to figure how to put some heat in they apartment but
They got a little mattress / little carpet
And they appreciate it ‘cause some people on
a park bench
You see ‘em when you rushing to get
To the office
Wife ride by ‘em when she comin’ from the market
Right now somebody comin’
Out the pocket
Tryin’ to dump that rock / they
runnin’ ‘round the block with
Same time the cops is
raisin’ the glock
With aim to fill your legs
And your back with some hot shit
Right now somebody’s struggling to stop this
Man that’s kicking
And punching and
Cussing at the doctors
Down the hall a child is takin’ its first breath
The doctor’s ain’t even passed
Him to the nurse yet / yo
I wonder if he understand what it’s worth yet
Life / the time spent while we here on the earth yet
The answers to the questions we all seek
Can be found / it depend on how free y’all think
Right now / it’s somebody who ain’t eat all week
That would kill / for the shit you throw away in the street
I guess one man’s trash is the next man’s treasure
One man’s pain is the next man’s pleasure
One say infinity the next say forever
Right now / everybody got to / get it together man
I’m just taking it in
In another strange hotel lobby again
With my luggage on my back / I don’t know where I’m at
I’m in a world where it all change like that
Like that

Man… there’s so many thought right now… racing. It’s blur in my head… “Thinkin’ ‘bout nothin’ more than life, what else?” [50 Cent – God Gave Me Style]. There’s so many things I wanna say about this track…about the world… about our society… when things die down, I’ll say something. This track is on repeat right now… and “I’m just taking it in”… Damn… the PIANO!!! I’m like speechless… wow… MADD Props! Get the CD… download that shit… whatever… hear that shit! I’m Out… ‘til the fog in my head gets a little clearer.


The First Fall

Hello everyone, [as I greet everyone with an extra big smile on my face] Today, I’m a bit happier than my normal state of happiness. Many factors are attributing to this… there’s not enough time in the day to speak on all the subjects. Tonight, I want to talk about the beautiful white fluff that falls from the sky.

Snow, every time I see it… I can’t help it… I just have to smile at it. The snow just reminds me of so many different things all at once. I long for the days where I can sit back enjoy a cup of hot chocolate [with marshmallows] and watch the snow fall… watch it pile up… endless white as far as the eye can see from top to bottom. Outlines of rocks, trees, bushes, and buildings… everything… covered in white fluff. Completely form-able when packed… and so fluffy unpacked… it just takes so many different forms. I can’t really understand why people don’t like the snow… yeah… they say its cold… so what… stay inside… doesn’t take away from it being so damn playful, just watching it fall is enough to smile about. Winter wonderland… yeah, I’m trying to find it still. That’s where I’m going to live, a place that has snow 70%-80% of the year… maybe even 100% of the year… roll out the ATV and just enjoy it. I’m drifting… drifting into a day dream… hopefully next time it’ll be something more intellectual, the installation project is taking over.

On second thought, I haven’t explained the next project… well it’s an installation project. We are going to build [out of cardboard] an interior into the existing Architecture building. Basically, most groups are given an overlooked space of the building and are going to install something [hopefully, makes the area more inviting] into it. My group was blessed with the site near the main entrance… a site that most people are late to go to class… they walk past everyday. I've noticed that most people are usually only in these area for a brief moment and the design should reflect that. I also wanted to pay tribute to the original Architecture of the building. The original function of our site was to be the center of circulation… it was the main/grand staircase of the building. I wanted to make sure people would continue to interact within it… now it is overlooked… I planned to bring more people back to it. As most of my projects, I have haters… but there will always be haters and that never hampers the success of a well planned design. I don’t worry about haters. When they’re runnin’ low, I’m just startin’.


Back To Basics

Wow… this needs to be pan out as much as possible… It’s on Google’s main personalized homepage… I’m sure they’ve got it covered… a little more can’t hurt. Please read the link before for proceeding.

I have found truth in every statement… there’s nothing clearer than the ideas that are expressed here. I’m old-fashioned in many ways… these are old fashion ideas… and they work… for what reason why we have changed… I have no idea… back to basics; I believe is what we need. I believe when one person is going to “date” someone else they should go somewhere. Ya know… like a date. I’d say go to a place nice to eat… nice sit down restaurant. I’d prefer this because I can have an expert prepared meal, nice conversation, find some more information about the person across the table, and check up on manners (how the person across the table eats… tells a lot about the person). I believe the more expensive the restaurant, the more important the manners. That essence in natural presentation, we’ve lost that as a society. My father taught me to eat properly, when to use the proper spoon… how to eat… how to present yourself… because only you can truly present it. We’ve all been deduced to savages. Anyways… that was a bit of a tangent. I must say… maintaining a relationship is a rather difficult thing to do. But it’s only difficult because we make it difficult. How hard is it really to speak your mind? Communicate? Sometimes the ideas aren’t expressed clearly… and that’s due to the language barrier… but just attempting to say something means something. Could you image the death-toll if no one spoke their mind about the Vietnam War? Could you image the state of the United States of American, if Dr. King didn’t speak what he truly felt about equality? Furthermore, what Malcolm X said about the same subject? Communication is key… sometimes it’s difficult to convey a message (as it is difficult when I type to all of you) but at least there is something. You have a mind… think, it’s what makes you human. Yes, that means if you don’t have a mind, you’re not human.

.p.s. check those links at the bottom of the page… they’re good too.


Fate Vs. Destiny

Hey everyone, how’s everyone doing? While posting on other blog… I realized that the topics that I talk about; it’s kinda hard or difficult to respond to them. But I need your feed back to further develop them in my own mind, cuz they’re not complete yet. So if anyone is reading this… leave me something… geez. Anyway, I got into a discussion with one of my classmates yesterday, so I figured that I’d post up my theory on the difference between Fate and Destiny.

Well, as you can probably tell, I believe they are two separate things. Fate is not another word for Destiny, vice versa. This example maybe a little choppy, but like I said I’m still working on the theories (posts are good). If you picture life as a “choose your own adventure” book with only one ending, then Fate would be the end of the story. Since it’s a “choose your own adventure” and not a “choose your ending” kinda book, there’s only one way it can end. As stated before, this end is what I would call Fate. This idea of thinking doesn’t leave room for those that believe they have some part in their own life. I believe I have some control in my life, some free will, and I account for this by Destiny. Like a “choose your own adventure” book, there are key checkpoints that you have to hit… how you get to these checkpoints—that’s up to you. Those little points are what I call Destiny. It is your Destiny to get to those checkpoints; you choose your path to get there. Hypothetically, when you have a dilemma in your life and you have two options [most times you have more]… one says turn to page 23 and the other says turn to page 56 and you choose to turn to page 56. Upon reading the result on page 56, it just tells you to turn to page 23… yeah 23 is your Destiny. No matter what path you take, you still hit Destiny among those points, when you reach your Fate… the things you remember, those happen to be your Destiny or checkpoints. Life is a multi-layered path to one goal, when you go up ladders and down stairs… you’re still getting to the goal, maybe you’re taking a detour… maybe you’re taking a shortcut… either way you’re getting there. This applies with my own theory on everyone having a purpose, those checkpoints could have been your purpose, on a higher level, and your Fate is bigger purpose. Does it make sense to anyone? I think it’s pretty clear.

Anyway, when I presented this to her, she made the note that what if there is only one real path, and there was no other path to take… it was just an illusion and responded with the idea that I have no control then, I would like control I think it’s a very good thing. “The problem is choice.” [The Architect, The Matrix: Reloaded]

Then she asked a very valid question, that I’m not going to answer here because I haven’t thought about it enough, she said if religion played a part. Does religion have a factor? I’m not quite sure, on how to answer this… still kinda thinking about it. It’s a very valid question, [Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?]. I'll have to thinking some more on this, you know I’ll post that answer up.


Humans' Worse Problem

Sending another broadcast out into cyberspace… what’s the topic about today? Well, it’s more of a complaint… but not one that can be fixed… so I suppose it’s just an observation.

I’m going to start off with the basis… I believe there is a God and God created human beings. This God is just the idea of God [master and creator of the universe?], not belonging to any particular religion. I admire what God has created; I believe that God created everything on Earth (as well as the rest of the universe). There is one thing that I suppose I would like to remove from one of his creations. I believe the biggest deficiency in humans is…

the necessity of sleeping. Could you image if the world didn’t need to sleep? The amount of productivity that this planet would be able to provide is unimaginable. Scientist could work at all hours of the day and night… there’s no end. Without the need for sleep, and never feeling tired… could you image what this world could do in a matter of weeks? Now, all of those college students and people working on projects… they’re thinking I could get my homework done on time (don’t worry, I was thinking it too), and there’s nothing wrong with that… I would prefer to be educated more than the amount of time that I’m being educated for now… that’s like 4 hours… if professors could pump more information into my mind for a longer period of time, the amount of knowledge that I would have at the age of 21 is incredible. Now, just to show that it’s not all fun and merry things, there are other things that would last longer… things like… WAR. As a human race, if we didn’t have to sleep, we wouldn’t have to stop killing people. There is that possibility, if we (as a human race) never slept or paused, our steadily approach to the final end could come quicker. I can see both sides of the argument, I would just hope that everyone would be productive for at least 18 hours of the day… but that’s still just a dream. This post is mainly based on the fact that I want to just be able to sleep 2 hours and be able to go the next day at 100%. When I’m doing Architecture, I don’t feel sleepy, when I post on here, there’s no sleepiness. In that instance, where I pause… that’s when it hits me like a ton of pillows, it’s not every fun. It’s all the sudden, and that’s never a good feeling. Anyone out there got a cure of sleep? So I don’t have to do it, and still fully functional (and healthy) for the next day. I don’t even sleep to dream anymore… I haven’t remembered a dream in who knows how long… Sleep is a waste of time. When time is the only thing we have to worry about, sleep is the worse deficiency in human beings. “We don’t sleep to dream, we sleep to build stamina” [Mike Shinoda (Fort Minor) Lupe Fiasco, Holly Brook – Be Somebody].


The Difference between Day and Night

Hey everyone, how’s everyone doing tonight? Good, I hope… Carl is back for a session from the mind.

I've realized not many individuals see me and all of my many complexities. Let’s be honest and state that many don’t care, I think this is largely due to the fact that my persona during the day is rather distasteful (at times). Well, even I think it is, so it’s gotta be. Ahhh, the difference between day and night, the way I am during the day and the way I am when the sun sets are very different individuals. During the day, I am rather confident people mistake this as arrogant. I think this is the wrong impression of me, I don’t believe I’m arrogant… I believe I’m willing to express my opinion and speak my mind (and from the heart). I think that’s the thing that keeps both sides still me. Whether its daylight or the night sky, I’m always ready to speak from my heart. It’s just how I express it, that’s different. At night, I’m not as blunt so to speak, I speak differently. Most that read my blog, receive this “voice.” My friends that I have usually aren’t people that I have in class or people that I hang out with in big crowds. I take a different tone then, when I’m in class that is. Competition turns gentlemen into animals… I don’t mean to make an individual look bad in front of a group when I notice something that they might not have thought about, it just comes off that way. I believe there is a time a place for everything, with this in mind there are times when my night side appears in the day. This usually happens when there’s a one-on-one encounter with someone. At this point, I don’t believe I have to portray my dominance, I guess… I don’t know why I do it during the day, I think a part of it can be attributed to the fact that I’m at a very cut-throat position in Architecture. I just have that tendency to keep an eye over my shoulder to see who’s listening in on my ideas… I’m pretty sure I spoke about this before… people biting off another person’s ideas; it’s a lot easier in a studio. [Then again, you can’t create a buzz in no one sees you] So I guess if people really want to get to know me, they have to notice that small change that happens or occurs during the day, and wonder more about the level of complexity that everyone has; or to catch me, along with the other owls. We, as people in the world, can’t assume anything about individuals that have the ability to change. Since we are all human, we can’t assume anything about anyone. That whole can’t judge a book by its cover, yeah… I can’t look at someone and honestly know everything about them… or monitor how they conduct themselves and know why they do it. I think that’s why people are so interesting, I enjoy meeting people… just sometimes I’m not a person that’s very meet-able, if that makes any sense. The aura that I emit during the day is different than the aura that surrounds me at night. There are small glimpses in which you can see my nocturnal nature during the day, hopefully after schooling and all that, when I've proven myself to myself, that nocturnal persona can take over; this one, the one that speaks to you now; the one that always talks to you in the late hours of the night or early hours of the morning (whichever you prefer, and whenever you prefer to read my posts). I wonder though, would my nocturnal persona reveal itself in the studio, at night? I believe it has before, but I’m not quite sure. If the room was filled with people and the sun has already set, would I be nocturnal? Only time will answer this question… year end show is coming! I’m excited; hopefully someone comes to see my work. And for those that think they know me and have only seen me in the studio… well you’d probably wouldn’t be here, so that doesn’t exactly work… anyways… I know I’m one of those people you kinda want to know about (or you gotta kinda wonder about), that’s where that level of complexity comes from… following from that is the existence of the blog. I love this blog… I promote the damn thing every chance I get… you guys should be too *hint hint* anyways… I apologize for this post is only proposing small theories and whatnot… just something I needed to get off my chest and I needed an audience that consisted more than my sketchbook. Alright, I’m out… I got kinda a headache, been kinda sick… gonna get some fluids and sleep. Out.


Halloween, just costumes and candy?

Hey everyone… how is everyone doin’? I hope no one has anything to complain about.

Chen Li in her response reminds me of a very valid point, if there is anything that I talk about (I understand people don’t read the same material) and ya don’t understand… please let me know (or you can do some research of your own… 10,000 pages of information at your fingertips). You’ve found my page… I’m sure there are more pages to find.

Allhollows Eve… the day before All Saints’ Day, today is/was devoted to young pranksters. Well that’s what it was… now it’s just Halloween. As I grow older the fun of Halloween begins to fade… and I haven’t been dressing up like I used to do when I was younger and do that whole trick or treatin’ thing. Today, well more like Friday I found the inspiration to be someone that I am not. Then when I was deciding who I was dressing up to be, I realized that today is really the only day where it is acceptable to blatantly acceptable to put a mask on your face and have everyone accept it as your face. I know some(/most?) people put a “mask” on everyday, but today it’s different because it is more prominent. It just stands out more, today we’re allowed to “doing something crazy” and “be someone we’re not” (or that we wish to be). So I wonder, when we put these “costumes” on, are we really just showing our true nature or rather “what we want to be”? People dress up in comic book characters or as characters from movies, vampires, witches, and many various other forms. Some dress up as playboy bunnies and others dress up as cows. I think some people that choose their own costume (not influenced by a group or friend); tend to choose costumes that are merely a reflection of themselves. When I was younger, I chose a Vampire at one point, then I chose Jason, and various other “villains;” I believe I chose believe that I would’ve been, if I wasn’t bound to the limits of society. It’d be that hunter in the night, feared by many and always alone. Now I’m older and what have I chosen to be today, I chose Seraph from Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions. I chose the guardian of The Oracle and protector of Sati. When I analyze it down, Seraph, mythically a 6 winged being that has surpassed the rank of angels, makes a lot of sense that I would choose him. Taken in the context of the movie, he is the warrior [that has clashed with Agent Smith on the battlefield before, and defeated him then but loses the battle when Smith is multiplied] that is evenly matched with the One, once worked for the Merovingian and now simply the guardian of the Oracle (the individual that brings unbalance to the system, tips the scale to humans against her counterpart the Architect) and Sati (the individual that is daughter that has no purpose because she is made of love between her two parents, her father who recycles the dead human pods to feed the new human pods and her mother creator of the interactive programs such as the Merovingian, the Oracle, and the Agents. Her parents are machines that cannot exist without human beings. Sati may be the real glue and prim example of their love for both worlds Human and Machine ::side note:: it appears she is able to manipulate the weather as well judging by the rain that begins to fall after she is absorbed by Smith and the beautiful sky portrait she paints for Neo). Now after all that, I sit back and kinda think… is that really me? Seraph once worked for the Merovingian and well the part of my name Tainted would be the acceptance of that premise. Guardian of the “one that is willing to shake things up”… yeah, that sounds like me. Protector of the “love and unison of two worlds’ humans and [technology]”… I think I try to keep get the humans to be “stronger” through the use of technology. I've fought with the units of control (the Agents) on various “battlefields.” And for the last question… probably the toughest and controversial question… am I as evenly matched with the One? That question I don’t believe I’m going to answer, I don’t think there’s any real way to answer it… Time will tell. Until Time opens that storybook, I am in “costume” as Seraph.


"This is me pretending, this is all I need."

Post II Tonight… This is prolly gonna bring me down from my Sox Win High, but this is something I need to get off my chest somewhere… somehow… what better place then here and what better Time than now.

As the cold reaches this part of the country and I am forced to light the pilot and fire up the heater… and although the autumn is beautiful, the trees turn that ignited red orange… I only dream of my favorite time of the year. Nothing makes me smile like December, Not because of the American holiday of Christmas, not because of my birthday, not because of the approach of a new year… it’s the snow that does it for me. The earlier it snows, the earlier I smile. Many complain about the cold… I don’t care… I can layer as much clothing as I want on… I got piles on already cuz I wanna run out and be able to layer off and find dry clothing underneath it all when the top layer gets all wet. I don’t really worry about shoveling it… it’s whatever… Bill Gates has a heated driveway, get that… enjoy the snow… it’s beautiful. Linkin Park “My December” comes to mind when I think about the winter. It’s a great song… if a gun was held to my head and I had to decide on a favorite song… I’d have to go with “My December.” It’s the piano [I know how to play it now] “this is my time of the year.” The song is so complex and layered... sounds like someone you know *hint hint* the song conveys so much of my life, and it’s so universal that when someone is asked why they love it… there’s a story behind the reason. There's just gotta be a story, [I hope people listen to lyrics still] My story? When I hear it… it sounds like I can pre-cog the beginning of the end of my life. And I know that sounds sad and bad… but I believe in that instance I will learn to forgive myself for my own mistakes, it’s like the beginning to forgiveness. And forgiveness is always a good things. As for how it pertains now… It’s a place of my own design, a place inside my head, a place of my own creation, where I can picture everything that is described. The all white fields and snow covered rocks and trees. Not a vehicle, or even, person in sight, just the snow and a home of my own design. Relating back to the earlier post, I just hope there’s enough Time to find this place and complete it before the universal fate of all men catches up with me...

The Impenetrable Fabric

Hey… sorry I haven’t been posting’… I’ll make it up… Imma post twice tonight… y’all just watch me. So ~> let’s get this started, right to the topic.

Topic today is the most important thing in life. Any guesses? Money? Love? Sex? Family? Friends? All those guesses are wrong… this most important thing in life is consistent. Any guesses? In a world where very little is guaranteed, I have realized something that is the same in every single instance. The magic answer I was looking for is…


Time is the most valuable thing in this life. All those guesses come and go in life… life even comes and goes. But time, is the single most idea that many attempt to beat and yet it is still undefeated. Under my research, I have discovered that not a single person has found a way to beat time… I believe Einstein was the closest… but his success (?) was never documented [The Philadelphia Experiment]. Money comes and goes, some believe it runs the world, even without time, money fails to exist. Love remains at the mercy of Time… Time can change Love… Love cannot change Time. Although sometimes, in love, a person feels like Time does not exist… when the person comes out of this dream state… Time is the hardest thing to realize. This leads me to believe that the only true thing that should linger on my mind is the question of Time. Do I have enough Time to do this? Do I have enough Time to do that? I believe I cannot beat the clock, I can only understand that seconds are seconds and minutes are minutes and I have to play by their rules. The game is very simple, the rules are consistent and there aren’t any loopholes. Now the amount of Time left in your life, cannot be told to you [or can it?] and since that is not known… it appears like Time doesn’t play fair… but perhaps we just don’t know all the rules. [Stemming from and earlier post] I believe we all have a set amount of Time on this level of existence, I don’t know how much Time I have… I don’t think anyone really does… and because I don’t fully know all the rules of the game, it may seem the game is uneasily stacked against me… but if you think about it… [I believe] we always complete what we were meant to do… then Time is over, somehow we both win (Time and the Individual). I would suggest that we don’t race the clock… but embrace the clock. Plan. How much Time do you need to do that? Understand that you will win either way. If you play by the rules (of Time), you’re more than likely to have more fun and do more of what you want.


As the world sleeps... there's a light bulb on in Chicago.

Damn… I shouldn’t have done that… well y’all know that I haven’t been sleeping because my project was due [yesterday]… so I’ve been staying up and working on it… after class I came home and was going to watch a couple movies [yeah… that’s right… a couple meaning more than one] but I was kinda tired… so I figured I’d nap. That was a bad idea… and as I was doing it... as I was laying down… I was thinking this is a bad idea. Yeah… its 3:30 in the morning and Carl’s sleeping pattern is not completely f*cked up. But there’s an upside, I’m here… with you… well technically I’m not… but it feels like I am? Anyways…

So the review was today… and I must say it was clearly lopsided. The jurors really only liked that loud and obnoxious ones (masks… that is). There were roughly two people that thoroughly enjoyed the small and detailed ones… but most of the detailed ones got no love. I also only presented 2/3’s of my mask… I didn’t have enough time to put on the entire thing, I didn’t know we’d only have less than 4 mins to strap up the mask… mine is the only one of that design… completely adjustable… so as I moved it to different people I’d have to account for that. Now, what I could’ve done was, I could’ve had it so it was already pre-fitted… but I was forced to work on it. So based on those two factors… I didn’t get very much love on presentation day… it’s okay it just makes my decision to not work for a big firm a little bit clearer. I said something to my partner (for the mask project) during the presentation… something along the lines of “if you look at all the things SOM (Skidmore, Owings, and Merrill) complete… all they make are loud big things… they never get any attention for small projects.” And I think it’s rather true… SOM only really gets attention for the Sears Tower, John Hancock, Durj Al Arab, et cetera. And yeah it would be cool to be on those projects… but for the rest of my career… I dunno. So part of me wants the big firms to be beggin’ for me… but the other half wants to do small projects and do passion pieces. As it would seem… I’d prolly be doing both… which would be kinda cool. Hehheh… imagined me signed at two firms… Ooo now there’s an idea. Signed to a big firm… but own my own firm… only drawback it would be spreading me out… and unable to focus… knocking out an 80 hour week. That would be pretty rough… but still appealing. I wonder how many of my fellow architecture students would honestly find that appealing… seriously some kids just shouldn’t be here. That especially should out when the jurors asked “so what was your concept with this… why did you do that” and we heard answers like “I thought it looked cool / it was found by mistake / it was suggested by someone else” ::shakes his head:: get the f*ck outta architecture… please… wasting my professors time. I think there are far too many graduates in our Architecture school… and granted only about 20-30 pass the Architecture License Test… I just wish it wasn’t a business (school, that is). I think the amount of graduates should be equal to the amount of professors in the program. Example: there was 6 in first year, there’s 6(?) second year… so at least 12 graduates plus the amount of professors for the next two years. And some professors do more than one year, Douglas Garofalo (this guy’s like one of Architecture’s Top Architects [the next big thing]. He gotta be a machine... seriously… owns his own firm... and teaches 2 grads and I think 3 undergrads… not to mention administration stuff.) So with that in account the total would be slightly move down. So roughly under 30 graduates… which is about equal to the amount of students that are accepted into a grad school anyway (less than 20 at UIC and partially taught by Douglas Garofalo). So my goal is to cut down my class size. I don’t want to be part of a graduating class of 70. I think that would be an incorrect representation of actual Architects… but that’s prolly suppose to help out how the graduates look. But back to the proposed idea… this would ensure that the professors’ time isn’t spread out and wasted on someone that isn’t going to develop into an architect. It would also force the industry to keep pushing the bar in all areas of development… if all the schools only allowed a 1:1 ratio of students then that core of students really belong in the industry and are innovative, (overly) creative, and always the crème of the crop. It would also help the number of Architects never to over inflate. I can see how graduate school already does that… but the amount of bachelor degrees in Architecture still should be cut down. If I get very high administratively involved in Architecture School… definitely going to pinch that idea over the water cooler… maybe a little bit more formal than that.

Man… I wish I could post for often… but I really only post when I got something to say… or something is on my mind… hehheh… Sean Paul’s “Never Gonna Be The Same” just came on. [pausing for a moment of silence]. Alright, I’m back… I would post more… if I my body didn’t demand sleep for me to be completely functional. I’ll work on dat, make a consensus effort, I promise [so you know it’s true]. But right now…y’all… Imma go watch a movie (or a couple of movies) or something… till class at 10. First up, the Interpreter… then some Unleashed… then some Batman… order subject to change. Out.

ps. did you figure out the title means? Light bulb as in idea in the mind... c'mon y'all... pick up the slack.


Running on empty...

Hey everyone... how's everyone doing out there? Good, I hope... "in the midst of all this... for you to say something like that" (The Longest Yard - Kevin Nash). So I've been up (for probably too long) doing my Architecture project... the mask. I'm just finishing up the drawings for the presentation tomorrow. I think it'll go over pretty well... I haven't seen all the competition so I can't really make a judgment call on how much mine will stand out. We’ll see in a couple of hours… Anyways… you faithful readers know about the last post… and you know… music never seems to fail me. Madd props to Sean Paul – Never Gonna Be The Same on the new CD. Imma quote this second verse (I would put the whole thing… but that’s just too much translating… cuz you know Sean Paul and his crazy accent...)

“For all the friends and families that done past on.
Leaving impressions and memories that will last on.
We give thanks for all the time that we know them.
Reminisce them legacy that is what we owe them.
Because they helped to make us who we are.
So let us never forget and talk it and far.
Less up Grandpa Lee and Aunt Chris – I can’t forget you if I try.”

I don’t know how much that last line applies to me… but I know that rest is right on the money. So in my playlist feral the entire project… the music that has been playing since Thursday… Sean Paul, Pitbull (lovin’ it... Hustler’s Withdrawal is really good as well), Mariah Carey, Twista, The Longest Yard soundtrack, ahhh… 50’s “Window Shopper” & “Outta Control [Remix]” w/ Mobb Deep & “Hustler’s Ambition”, hehheh… Chingy And J/Weav on “One Call Away”… Frankie J’s “How Do I Deal”… Kanye West’s … Tony Yayo’s… Trey Songz’s (these are all the new cds) so yeah… pretty big variety… Mariah Carey’s remixes are on there too… it’s a nice collaboration all in all… keeps me running on no sleep. Big ups to Mike Shinoda’s Fort Minor project almost done and set for a release… videos out… (just got a newsletter about it from LP Underground. Man… I love music… it’s a beautiful thing.

Oh… almost forgot about what I wanted to talk about… (geez that music) part of me has to think about the Sean Paul cd coming out when it did… coincidence? C’mon now… you know what I think about that. I don’t know what it all means… but I’m working on it. That’s just another thing about coincidence… I think it’s just lack of knowledge or shades over the eyes… just not able to see the whole picture. Alright y’all… time to get back to work… Batman Begins on DVD tomorrow! I’m staying up for that (damn that Best Buy & Circuit City having promos on the same DVD).



My bad for not posting up last night… I was way too tired for that. Anyways I’m here now, so everyone gather ‘round… Carl’s got something to say.

First off (in response to Steak’s Comment on my last post because it’s relevant here) “yeah... I can see it that way... I just seems when everyone lays down to rest (or even when they lay and look up at the ceiling) … they’re dissatisfied with the life they lived. They always seem like they want to do something that they didn’t. I guess me being so analytical, I can make a choice and then be completely satisfied with it… because I know why I made the choices I made. [Or make choices and understand why I made them] And if I made a mistake… I’m willing to accept my own apologizes for those mistakes. And not to sound too bold… but I think my expectations match my ambitions, and those are pretty high. So for me to be satisfied with my life, I’d have to meet my expectations. [Not having someone here in front of me… I can’t really tell if this is making any sense (that’s why I take a philosophy courses… to make things make sense)… eh… it makes sense to me.] Alright now… back to the topic that I wanted to talk about yesterday…

I took a course in Death and it was a good course. It was a philosophy course and its main focus was the phenomenon… why it happens? ….what happens? …what happens afterwards? Those were the questions that were raised (and never really answered because no one has actually given a first person account of it). I took the class, because I never really dealt with it before… seriously… I just didn’t know anyone close enough to feel the impact of their death. My grandmother passed away when I was way younger… so I can’t really bring the “memory” of what it meant to me. I think I’ve gone so far as to construct a scene in my mind that consists of a coffin, rain, and yellow roses… but I’m not so sure how accurate that really is. The class also brought cases of channeling and mediums, which raised many questions for me. Mediums and people that channel, they always have someone to bring forth to talk to the individual that’s looking for answers… I’ve always wondered who would come forth to speak to me… when I was “at the pearly gates, God let me in” [The Game, Tony Yayo – Runnin’]. I wanted to go see a medium or someone that channels and I couldn’t, not very popular in Chicago… I guess. I made the conclusion that, we are always watched and therefore must try to impress, but that raised the question… who do I have to impress? And I answered that with something that resembles “my angels are here on this plain… those are the individuals that I need to impress,” this idea keeps me striving for better… that and my belief in God. But not like Christians… more like Descartes. [Yes, I know Descartes was Christian; but he never spoke of Jesus (that’s my difficulty with Christianity) in his writings… just God]

Well… that book of knowledge is nothing compared to experience. I had to deal with Death last week. Two people, I knew, passed away. The first was a friend of mine… we weren’t like really-really tight, but I knew him well enough to shed a tear during his service. A couple of hours before his passing… we were at a party. And although I didn’t see him on a consistent basis… it was good to see him again (along with all the other faces that I missed seeing). When I left the party (Sunday [Early] Morning), I told him I’d see him again… figured it would be a while because I’m here at school… pretty much took it for granted. Little did I know… the next time I would see him… he would be in his casket. He passed away only a few hours after I left the party… something happened on his way home (not going to get into the details, it’s not the place for that). Not to over shadow my friend’s passing… my friend’s (different person) father passed away Monday morning. His father and I weren’t buddy-buddy, but he always asked how I was doing… and those things that adults say to students but it was different from when everyone else said it… he was always sincere… always wanted me to work hard… he will be missed. Both individuals were very young in age… it just doesn’t seem right to say something like that. I mean it’s really not nice to say something like if you’re eighty… you’re expendable… you can pass away then. But it was just unnatural for them to pass away at their ages… it just doesn’t fit right.

Death came to our circle of friends twice… I know that each one of us took it very differently. In our group, it was just a different bond for everyone… so obviously it’s going to be different for everyone. That leads to the question… what is the meaning of life. I believe it is to fulfill a purpose… ya really don’t even have to realize what the purpose is… I think it gets completed and then ya pass away. This answer solves that whole question about time… why we pass away when we do? But raises a bigger question… if we all have a purpose… what’s the point of the human race as a whole? Progress? What’s the point of progress when there isn’t going to be life forever? My Death professor made that comment to me… the more knowledge we attain, the more questions we have. I still stand by my idea that our purpose of life is to fulfill our purpose, whatever it may be. Whatever our purpose is… we (as a human race) will progress… what happens after that… I really haven’t thought about it… I’m sure I’ll get back on that subject sometime soon… hopefully… Well as it would seem… it’s late… and I’ve run out of things to say… but I know there was more… I know I’ll revisit this subject again… maybe progress will be made…


Everytime I look in the mirror... I'm reminded

There's so much stuff going on right now... but there was a certain thing on my mind, that I just need to comment on... like right now... while I'm in that funk. I know I haven't been posting up and all that jazzy stuff... and there's no excuse for that. I said I'd try to be here as often as possible and Architecture has got me up at the crack of dawn (ready to go to sleep) and waking up as soon as it's physically possible for my body to function correctly(?). But anyways... enough of my half-assed excuse... back to the material.

Now, I grabbed a blog and figured I'd be able to speak to the masses... say something that might change someone's point of view. Now a part of me wishes... I would've created something that didn't detail who I was. Something like a place where I could tell all my secrets and no one would ever find them... and if they did... couldn't link them back to me. I'd be able to detail out my mistakes and those lies that've told. Now that it's linked back to me.. and people know who I am... I'm afraid of saying something that might offend someone while I attempted to clear the same subject for someone else. I don't know if that sounded clear... but I hope that you get the gist. So what do I do... Hehheh... that's why I have a separate sketchbook for those kinda things... (no, you can't see it) Y'all out there in cyber space... prolly already get me... simple yet so complex (The Hanged Man, right?) Same as everyone else... I've made mistakes and the more I think about my mistakes... the more I hate them as well as hate the fact that I may make another one. It's probably attributed to the reason why I am so analytical now, afraid to make another mistake. There was a particular time... when I made a mistake and I regret my mistake... (if you're looking for it, I'm not going to say it... I've already admitted it somewhere else [psst: sketchbook]) There have been many situations that I would've handled differently but I didn't... and those mistakes haunt me. There's never really a chance to patch over the a mistake... just like when you punch a hole in the wall and then cover it up with dry wall paste, there's still that hole in the dry wall and that dry wall is no longer one piece as it was before. "When the paper is crumbled up... it can't be perfect again" [Linkin Park - Forgotten], but that's not the song I'm listening to right now... the song playing right now is "How Do I Deal" by Frankie J. For those that think they know the situation I'm referring to... think again [or ask?] there's a hint here... somewhere... it has to deal with the choice that I've made and the question I avoided... (the martial status one) One of these nights... I will comment on that... when I can figure out a way to comment without offending anyone. It'll get detailed out, as close as possible. Now how does all this relate... damn.... that's for tonight but here's something brief... this past week... two people I knew passed away, and before that... I commented on my cousin's blog [] and I said something along the lines of "I only hope that when it is my time to pass, I die with a smile upon my face - satisfied with the life I lived and able to accept my own apologizes." [coincidence? I dunno, who would've thunk it. He'd be commenting on the death of a friend and just around the corner I'd lose someone I knew] I think that hits, what I'm trying to say, right on the head. When it's all over, I only hope to be completely satisfied with the life I lived... furthermore able to accept my own apologizes (for the mistakes that I've made). Hopefully... there's a time in which I can forgive myself for the mistakes I made... but until that time comes... I'm still hating the fact that I'm human... having to look at myself in the mirror... learning to deal with who I am (wouldn't it be great to never make a mistake...).


The Hanged Man

Hey everyone, out there, in the land of the lost....
hehheh... anyway, moving on. Sorry I haven't been posting so much, y'all prolly don't want to hear my excuses so I won't give them. Here's an update on the projects, the font hasn't moved much, conceptually the mask is almost done, and the custom stamp shaping is done... I just gotta try it, and then adjust whatever I need to adjust. But that's not what I wanted to talk about, so ~> moving on.

I'm sitting here thinking about various "coincidences" in my life, and I know why I chose my lucky number of 12. Then I thought about its overall significance in various different realms of the world, starting looking a few things up... and you know what I found. I was talking to an old friend of mine and we got into a conversation about tarot cards... so I was like "huh? What’s the 12th card?" and I never looked it up, then I was making my way back from my weekly trip to Best Buy and saw a book entitled The Twelfth Card. On the cover was a man hanging upside down, bound by his feet "then I was like alright now I gotta look this up." The twelfth tarot card is The Hanged Man. I can see now a lot of people would see this as a negative thing and turn away, but y'all should know by now I never turn down knowledge. I read a few pages on the internet and stumble across meaning for The Hanged Man, and what to think when it shows up. I took a look at many different websites and I stumbled across this web page ( that's pretty comprehensive. I think I could be The Hanged Man, just seems to fit me quite well. When reading Tarot Cards there's actions, and opposing actions, and reinforcing actions. Well when this card shows up in certain places it gives a number of different things: (quoted from the website I gave out earlier)
letting go
having an emotional release
accepting what is
surrendering to experience
ending the struggle
being vulnerable and open
giving up control
accepting God's will
turning the world around
changing your mind
overturning old priorities
seeing from a new angle
upending the old order
doing an about-face
suspending action
pausing to reflect
feeling outside of time
taking time to just begiving up urgency
living in the momentwaiting for the best opportunity
being a martyr
renouncing a claim
putting self-interest aside
going one step back to go two steps forward
giving up for a higher cause
putting others first

all this is very "coincidental," but it seems like I follow this pretty closely. Some highlights that I see are... wow where do I begin... it's like all of them reflect me. As I see it, while I'm getting comfortable with my own skin I'm falling into what I'm suppose to become. I never listened to the birthday symbols and yearly animals, but even those are reflecting my personality. [More on that later.] But this Tarot Card thing is got me going. The twelfth card pretty much describes me, in all situations how I react is somewhere on that list. This description at the bottom seems like it would be telling a story or pathway that'd logically walk:

[The Hanged Man is one of the most mysterious cards in the tarot deck. It is simple, but complex. It attracts, but also disturbs. It contradicts itself in countless ways. The Hanged Man is unsettling because it symbolizes the action of paradox in our lives. A paradox is something that appears contradictory, and yet is true. The Hanged Man presents to us certain truths, but they are hidden in their opposites.

The main lesson of the Hanged Man is that we "control" by letting go - we "win" by surrendering. The figure on Card 12 has made the ultimate surrender - to die on the cross of his own travails - yet he shines with the glory of divine understanding. He has sacrificed himself, but he emerges the victor. The Hanged Man also tells us that we can "move forward" by standing still. By suspending time, we can have all the time in the world.

In readings, the Hanged Man reminds us that the best approach to a problem is not always the most obvious. When we most want to force our will on someone, which is when we should release. When we most want to have our own way, which is when we should sacrifice. When we most want to act, that is when we should wait. The irony is that by making these contradictory moves, we find what we are looking for.]

Hehheh... I just pretty much gave you to whole page... but eh... as long as I quoted it. Anyway, the twelfth card is just a reminder of who I'm possibly becoming or what has already been happening, it's crazy. And there's just no way [for me anyway] that this is a coincidence, it just can't be that way. I'd say think about your favorite number and see its significance in other realms, you might find something along the same lines as I did. Anyways, I gotta go to my parent's house early tomorrow... so I bid thee good night. Until next time... Out.