In the Chamber of My Mind

Hey everyone… how’s everyone doing tonight? Good, I hope. I hope all is well with you and yours. I hope everyone had a good break… even if your break was only a day long, like mine. Man… this Architecture projects is damn near getting’ the best of me. Ha! Nah but seriously… this up until 4 in the morning ain’t cool man. Then again, I can’t complain because it’s mostly all self inflicted. I don’t have to care about my project, but I do. So I spend time on it, figure that shiet out. Plus, I like it when my brains buzzing from situation to situation. Anyways… back to the topic… I think people think I’m hard to talk to… or have a difficulty giving advice to… hmmm…

So we ran into a like dilemma today in the matter of my architectural project. And I’m sittin’ there trying to figure out a solution. In our studio, we have people that are willing to put their opinion forth… or give a little suggestion. Now, I personally do love when this happens. I think people see me as just ignoring them… when I’m standing there in silence. But behind these “blank” eyes is the chaos that ensues behind my exterior. In my mind, things are going a mile a minute. When someone gives me a suggestion, there’s a rush of so many different things about the suggestion. I think so people think I’m not listening, but when I respond or speak… I believe so much development comes out that people don’t even realize themselves. It’s kinda back to the whole pre-cognition thing. I’ll say something… and the person that I said it to… they’ll get what I was saying maybe 10-15 minutes later. I think some people know that the lights are flickering on and off, information blurring through the space of my mind. And I suppose that it is awkward when someone has just finished saying something but I don’t have a response or rather say anything. I guess… people have to realize when I speak about something… I thought it thru pretty deeply. Personally, I think I thirst for another opinion, that’s why I ask all of you to post or comment or respond (*hint hint*). Man, I've been repeatedly reminded about people living in their own worlds lately.

Do we ever really know what goes on in someone’s head? What they’re thinking? Can we eve really know? I don’t think it’s a good thing to generalize people out, and talk about what their probably thinking… humans change… they’re not like set in stone. They adapt, they change… basically their different. That’s what makes humans so separate. Over seven billion people… of all the different from one another… kinda crazy, but it’s true (and nothing before but ever really matters). Wow, just felt like a ton of bricks just hit me… I’m getting’ tired… This isn’t so good, alright; I gotta get off of his… and stay busy. Until next time, I’ll be here… will you?

Marital Status: Retired - Family

Hey everyone, it’s one of those nights… you know... got the candles lit, just sittin’ back and thinking. Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving so the drawing is a little light tonight… figured I’d devote to y’all. Man… right around this time of the year, I start thinking about what’s change in the last year. Usually starts with the 12th of November… yeah… there’s that 12 again… anyways, back to what I was sayin’… looking back at the past year and what’s changed. I must say, it’s been a lot… But Imma start with something pretty specific… Right now, the major thing that stands in my mind is… I’m not in a relationship. Most of it was by choice and what not, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s… different. I haven’t talked about my martial status on here before… looks like tonight I’m going to start. Those that know me with a little depth… they know I claim I’m retired. Some of you may be asking what you mean by retirement. And it’s exactly that, retirement. I’m done, “I’m walking away” [Craig David – Walking Away]. Lemme explain… I got a lot of reasons, but imma just touch on one right now… maybe something a little later… we’ll see.

As most of your readers already know, I’m studying to be an architect. For all of you that don’t know, architecture is time consuming. For the architect that I want to be and the things I want to achieve… it will consume me, everything of me. I don’t see time for a family that I’m going to leave for extended periods of time. A wife that sleeps in the martial bed alone and the other side of the bed is… cold. If I were to have a wife, I’d want kids as well. What’s the point of marriage if there’s no procreation? I don’t want to have children that grow up without a father, or a wife without a husband. I can’t imagine having a little girl and having her look up at my wife and say “when’s dad coming back?” That’s not right, or a little boy looking up at his mother and saying “when can dad come to one of my games?” That’s fucked up… I can’t have kids that ask questions like that. I can’t just take them with me. That’s another tragic story of a kid without a social life, having to hop from place to place… that’s what I expect my career to do to me. Without any attachments, I wouldn’t have that on my mind… ya know… remove it completely. [Start downloading Fort Minor, Holly Brook, Jonah Matranga – Where’d You Go? I’ll talk about it toward the end of this blog.] And people say “yeah, you could just shorten your career or your ambitions”… I don’t wanna compromise those things, I don’t want to shorten my career; my career isn’t for the fame… “Its not who I am on the inside, it’s what I do” [Batman Begins]. The stuff I want to design and build and have a part of, nothing to do with the fame… its dedicated to those that weren’t given what I was when I was born… reward those that made it though, or stand on the same side of the river. I wanna design places for those kids who have parents that bust their ass everyday to make sure the kid has food, a place to come and develop… intellectually, artistically, in every way positive. And I don’t plan just sticking to the United States; some parts of the United States have homeless shelters that waste food… how ignorant is that… those individuals I can’t help. And how hypocritical is it for me to design those types of buildings and leave my own kids in the dark? It’s a tough choice. If you could save only one family from a burning building, you’re the father/mother of one and the father/mother of the other family is asking you to save theirs… what would you choose? Your own? Theirs? I think the decision is easier, when I take one element out… not to have a family. It’s no longer a choice… it’s a question of whether I have the courage to do it; I say bring that shiet… I was born ready… just needed directions. Did y’all like that… my own little modified quote… alright side-tracked again… back to the topic. It’s tough to raise a family, it takes a lot of time… and the benefits come ten-fold… I just won’t… I won’t deal with not seein’ my children enjoying something that I enjoy so much without me… I won’t bear to not witness them playing in the snow, daughter running up to me sayin’ she made a snow angel. That’s tough… not being able to witness that… just can’t do it. People say I could shorten my career… if I do that… I can’t do everything I wanted to do… Either way, I’ll suffer but… “One person's pain is nothing when compared to the suffering of all” [Hero]. This is my sacrifice to the rest of humanity, let it be known.

Onto the track… basically it just describes what I don’t want to hear… I don’t want to do this to anyone… ever. They feel like shit, I feel like shit. Just won’t do it. Madd props to Fort Minor [Mike Shinoda] Enjoy… shed a tear...

Fort Minor, Holly Brook, and Jonah Matranga - Where'd You Go
[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

[Mike]
She said
"Some days I feel like shit / some days I wanna
Quit / and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but the trips always feel so long / and
I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot working my day around a
Call that when I pick up I don't have must to say / so
I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
At time debating telling you that I've had it with you
And your career
Me and the rest of the family here
Singing where'd you go

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home

[Mike]
Come back home / you know that place where you used to live?
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every Halloween
With candy by the pile
But now you only stop by every once and a while
(Shit) I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine / and I'm planning to keep it that way
And you can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I'll tell you:
I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
At time debating telling you that I've had it with
And your career
Me and the rest of the family here
Singing where'd you go

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home

[Mike]
I want you to know it's a little fucked up / that
I'm stuck here waiting
No longer debating
Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
For why you're not around / and feeling so useless
It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here
And you can sing it

[Holly / Jonah]
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Where'd you go / I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home"

Fort Minor, Black Thought, Styles Of Beyond - Right Now

Early post today… FORT MINOR… THE RISING TIED is here. I got my package yesterday… and this song is so dope, I just had to post. I haven’t gone through the entire CD yet… but I’m postin’ the lyrics for this one.

Fort Minor, Black Thought, Styles Of Beyond – Right Now

Fort Minor [Mike of Linkin Park]:
Someone right now / is leaving their apartment
Looking down at the street and wondering where their car went
Someone in a car is sitting at a signal
In front of a restaurant / staring thru the window at
Someone right now with their finger in their teeth
Who could use a little floss / right across the street there’s
Somebody on the curb / who really needs a jacket
But spent half the rent at a bar getting plastered
Now he’s gotta walk / 14 block just to
Work at a shop where he’s about to get fired
Someone right now / is looking pretty tired
Staring at a laptop / trying to get inspired as
Somebody / living right across the street
Just wrote the best thing that she’s written all week
But her best friend is coughing up blood in the sink
He can’t even think what happened / feeling so confused
And he knows it looks bad but there’s nothing he can do
I wonder what it’s like to be right there in his shoes
But
Yo I’m just taking it in
Out the window of a hotel bedroom again
Tomorrow I’ll be gone / I don’t know when I’ll be back
But in this world everything can change just like that
Like that

Ryu [Styles of Beyond]:
Somebody right now is dropping his vote inside a
Box and trying not to get shot in his throat for the act of freedom
Right now / Somebody’s stuck in Iraq
Hoping that he gets shipped back breathing
In a war but he’s not really sure the reasons
So we show our support when the press mislead him
Though we mourn / remain proud / salute the troops
Get some / I know you boys got some work to do

Tak [Styles Of Beyond]:
Meanwhile / right now someone’s 25-to-life-ing
Standing on a corner with their thumb up hitchhiking
Scratching off a lotto ticket hoping for a real winner
Sneaking through the border just to work and eat a real dinner
Right now someone wishes they were you and I
Instead of second-guessing fatal thoughts of quiet suicide
But right now I’m staring out the window at a fiend
With holes in his arm and / holes in his jeans
He pulled out a cigarette and sparked a light
And walked right around the corner just out of my sight
But
I’m just taking it in
From a second story hotel window again
The T.V.’s on and my bags are packed
But in this world everything can change just like that
Like that

Black Thought [The Roots]:
Yeah / right now somebody’s sittin’ in the darkness
Tryin’ to figure how to put some heat in they apartment but
They got a little mattress / little carpet
And they appreciate it ‘cause some people on
a park bench
You see ‘em when you rushing to get
To the office
Wife ride by ‘em when she comin’ from the market
Right now somebody comin’
Out the pocket
Tryin’ to dump that rock / they
runnin’ ‘round the block with
Same time the cops is
raisin’ the glock
With aim to fill your legs
And your back with some hot shit
Right now somebody’s struggling to stop this
Man that’s kicking
And punching and
Cussing at the doctors
Down the hall a child is takin’ its first breath
The doctor’s ain’t even passed
Him to the nurse yet / yo
I wonder if he understand what it’s worth yet
Life / the time spent while we here on the earth yet
The answers to the questions we all seek
Can be found / it depend on how free y’all think
Right now / it’s somebody who ain’t eat all week
That would kill / for the shit you throw away in the street
I guess one man’s trash is the next man’s treasure
One man’s pain is the next man’s pleasure
One say infinity the next say forever
Right now / everybody got to / get it together man
I’m just taking it in
In another strange hotel lobby again
With my luggage on my back / I don’t know where I’m at
I’m in a world where it all change like that
Like that

Man… there’s so many thought right now… racing. It’s blur in my head… “Thinkin’ ‘bout nothin’ more than life, what else?” [50 Cent – God Gave Me Style]. There’s so many things I wanna say about this track…about the world… about our society… when things die down, I’ll say something. This track is on repeat right now… and “I’m just taking it in”… Damn… the PIANO!!! I’m like speechless… wow… MADD Props! Get the CD… download that shit… whatever… hear that shit! I’m Out… ‘til the fog in my head gets a little clearer.

The First Fall

Hello everyone, [as I greet everyone with an extra big smile on my face] Today, I’m a bit happier than my normal state of happiness. Many factors are attributing to this… there’s not enough time in the day to speak on all the subjects. Tonight, I want to talk about the beautiful white fluff that falls from the sky.

Snow, every time I see it… I can’t help it… I just have to smile at it. The snow just reminds me of so many different things all at once. I long for the days where I can sit back enjoy a cup of hot chocolate [with marshmallows] and watch the snow fall… watch it pile up… endless white as far as the eye can see from top to bottom. Outlines of rocks, trees, bushes, and buildings… everything… covered in white fluff. Completely form-able when packed… and so fluffy unpacked… it just takes so many different forms. I can’t really understand why people don’t like the snow… yeah… they say its cold… so what… stay inside… doesn’t take away from it being so damn playful, just watching it fall is enough to smile about. Winter wonderland… yeah, I’m trying to find it still. That’s where I’m going to live, a place that has snow 70%-80% of the year… maybe even 100% of the year… roll out the ATV and just enjoy it. I’m drifting… drifting into a day dream… hopefully next time it’ll be something more intellectual, the installation project is taking over.

On second thought, I haven’t explained the next project… well it’s an installation project. We are going to build [out of cardboard] an interior into the existing Architecture building. Basically, most groups are given an overlooked space of the building and are going to install something [hopefully, makes the area more inviting] into it. My group was blessed with the site near the main entrance… a site that most people are late to go to class… they walk past everyday. I've noticed that most people are usually only in these area for a brief moment and the design should reflect that. I also wanted to pay tribute to the original Architecture of the building. The original function of our site was to be the center of circulation… it was the main/grand staircase of the building. I wanted to make sure people would continue to interact within it… now it is overlooked… I planned to bring more people back to it. As most of my projects, I have haters… but there will always be haters and that never hampers the success of a well planned design. I don’t worry about haters. When they’re runnin’ low, I’m just startin’.

Back To Basics

Wow… this needs to be pan out as much as possible… It’s on Google’s main personalized homepage… I’m sure they’ve got it covered… a little more can’t hurt. Please read the link before for proceeding.

I have found truth in every statement… there’s nothing clearer than the ideas that are expressed here. I’m old-fashioned in many ways… these are old fashion ideas… and they work… for what reason why we have changed… I have no idea… back to basics; I believe is what we need. I believe when one person is going to “date” someone else they should go somewhere. Ya know… like a date. I’d say go to a place nice to eat… nice sit down restaurant. I’d prefer this because I can have an expert prepared meal, nice conversation, find some more information about the person across the table, and check up on manners (how the person across the table eats… tells a lot about the person). I believe the more expensive the restaurant, the more important the manners. That essence in natural presentation, we’ve lost that as a society. My father taught me to eat properly, when to use the proper spoon… how to eat… how to present yourself… because only you can truly present it. We’ve all been deduced to savages. Anyways… that was a bit of a tangent. I must say… maintaining a relationship is a rather difficult thing to do. But it’s only difficult because we make it difficult. How hard is it really to speak your mind? Communicate? Sometimes the ideas aren’t expressed clearly… and that’s due to the language barrier… but just attempting to say something means something. Could you image the death-toll if no one spoke their mind about the Vietnam War? Could you image the state of the United States of American, if Dr. King didn’t speak what he truly felt about equality? Furthermore, what Malcolm X said about the same subject? Communication is key… sometimes it’s difficult to convey a message (as it is difficult when I type to all of you) but at least there is something. You have a mind… think, it’s what makes you human. Yes, that means if you don’t have a mind, you’re not human.

.p.s. check those links at the bottom of the page… they’re good too.